Wow, my life is in ruins, and i feel ok with that.

    YAY, I got the appartment. I move in tommrrow. YAY>  I might have even scored a couple of pieces of funurture  for the place from sears at 90% off.

   I'll let you all know more in a little bit.

  Bill 

  Hey everyone, more tales from me about my crazy mixed up life. LOL LOL LOL

 Ok, i got a 500.00 futon, a 300.00 entertainment center, and a 200.00 wood and glass display case from sears, at 95% off. I paid 65.00 for 1000.00 worth of furniture.  Really that and a couple of simple end tables with lamps is all i need to get moved in and be happy. I have the tv and dvd player, and lots of good books and dvd'd to watch. I am set.

  A friend asked me if i was going to start dating right away, it was a good question. I really don't know. Which tells me i probally shouldnt. There is no hurry, and i need as few stress things in my life as possible. Now if something falls into my lap, well thats a different story. I have to take it case by case.

  So i got a new phone, had to my old one died, and its a smart phone so i can check in here anytime and anywhere i want.

  I am startign to turn off all non essessinal things right now, however what my wife thinks is essessial and what i think is two seperate things. SInce i am trying not to rock the boat right now i will let the path of least resistance be my guideing light.

   Ok, enough for now. Life is good. I am happy, and i thank you all again for bneing such good friends to me. 

   Bill

   HEy mogs, this isnt all about me, its all about us. We all suffer thru this nasty beastie in some form or another, however having this desease really does seem to put alot of strain on relationships. Its not like a foot injury or something like that, this deses really affects our ability to have successful relationships. So anything i learn along the way i will pass on to you all. THis is my chance to find out some stuff that works and doesnt.

   Mogs if you need to talk, email me and i'll send you my phone number. I went thru a whole lot before i decided to get away. If i can help you out in any way i am there for you.

   Bill

hugs, Caren

  Hey everyone, just a heads up. My wife (soon to be ex) is on the war path and destroying everything in sight. SHe might finally find this site and come in here and tell you all i am the worst thing in the world. I hope you all understand that mistakes that i have made, im not satan him self. This is getting worse and worse.

  Bill

Without a doubt it sounds like you have made the right decision.  I agree with the other posters to have no further conversations with her.  Anything further should either be in writing or through a lawyer.

Cass

   One im not using caffeenne each and every day, all day long. I am much better rested, generally feel alot better, and have only used cafeened twice sice leaving her, despite all the stess.  This i think points me toward the fact that being married to her was generally an exhausting thing for me. I am still working the same hours at work, but im not coming home to a ton more work waiting for me.

   When i left i did have a wild mood swing, it lasted about5 days. I felt like a kid in a candy store, i was free to do whatever and whoever i wanted to. LOL LOL LOL  Now working with my therpast i have settled down quite a bit. I am no longer thinging about sex, in fact i turned down a pretty good offer last night, just felt like it wasnt the right time and i wasnt  ready just jump into something like that. Personally i feel like that was a huge victory.

   She put all my toy trains out on the curb and somone came by and took them. Such is life. And how does happy bill find the good in this? Actually all things considered, if it came down to losing them or her destroying them im glad they went to a new home. They will eventually find their ways to homes that will run them and love them. All in all that is much better in my mind than destruction.

    Now she is talking about an open marriage, however she still wants to stay in the house, keep her benefits, and all her nice things. SHe has said nothing about helping me to get what i need, or for me to be happy also,  to me its an nonstarter. However she keeps trying to hack my emails, change my passwords, took over my face book and put up a huge bunch of hatefull things about me. ALl this while telling me she wants us to work on things togetehr.

    I have been getting lots of sleep, and keeping calm is my huge priority. Thanks to all of you yet again for all the support in this. This is ugly, but i feel like the worst of the ugleness is almost over.

   Bill   

  Thank s cateyes. I am trying to stay both focused and positive.  I know i made mistakes, but at the end of the day it was like you described, i was the end of the list. And in the end of things i cant live a life where i am allways the last one counted.

   I might even end up with thor, who knows. SHe is saying it is to much work to handle him. FIne, i'll take care of him. I have room in my heart and life for the big dummy.  In fact i cant think of much better than hanging out with him on a sat night, relaxing and walking up and down main street. 

   And still my wife hasnt said sorry for the violence. She said i ran away for no good reason. No lie she actually said that. She said i got off scott free and she is left holdign down everything. Everything except paying all the bill, having a spouse slap you and swing at you with a knife, and having all your fathers toy trains put out so some stranger can take them away. I lost everything from my father except for

4 small things.