AAAArrggghhhh SO bloody ANGRY

I AM SOOOOOOO AAAANNNNGGRRYYY!!!!!!!!

As some of you know I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II (rapid cycling). ~4 weeks ago

Yesterday started hard but slowly turned into an okay day. Today started okay then became actually kinda good and I felt like I could do some study........ and now I could throw my laptop against the wall and need to pound something with my fists and verbally abuse someone.

But that is NOT me!!!!!!!!!

I'm coming off my antidepressants at the moment............Explains it all huh?

I've told my partner I'm feeling 'down and cranky' I'm avoiding everyone and venting on you guys.....sorry 'bout that but I'm sure you all know what it's like.

Anyway. SO ANGRY, I was literally starting my honours year in ecotoxicology the next week then I'm diagnosed with this. Yes I know the diagnoses isn't the problem, it was happenning already. But to be honest it just isn't !#$#%$#$%$&^&%$&^%^&## fair! I was going to be a SUCCESSFUL LEADER IN MY FIELD OF RESEARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You know, i have worked very hard to incorperate my BP into my life in various good ways. Hey if im going to have this thing, might as well make the best of it.

   So i have become one of the best Loss prevention dectective that sears has. Less than fifteen percent of LP people ever get to   100 cases, even less do it in less than a year and a half working part time.  So yes, you can be BP and one of the top in your field. I now get cases slower because i am training a new crop of dectectives who are just burning up the cameras and apprehensions.  I take great pride in seeing how well they are doing, and i feel that work for me is a huge help in controling both my BP mania and depressions.  I work labor intensive projects when i am manic, and use the good things i have accomplished there when i am down to help me feel better.

    No one ever said this desease was going to be easy. But no one ever said it wasa  death sentence to our hopes and dreams either.  And i may be wrong, but isnt the symbol used by the chinese to express probelm is also the same one they use to express oppturnity.

    I define this desease effect on my life, BP does not define me.  

   Hope this helps you a bit. Bill

 

 Hey tortise, have i ever told you how jelous i am of you? I have seen your paintings of your rabbits and they are fantastic. Something that i coul d never do because i just dont have it in me.  There are things that i "wish" i could do or be, i have learned that i just am never going to be that guy.

   In the long run i have to say that acceptance is what has given me great peace. I accept that this is who and what i am. I accept that in treating this desease i may never create again like i did when i was manic. I accept that in order to ever have a successful relationship with a woman i will need to be medicated the rest of my life.

   In short i look at things now and give thanks for what i have, not what i dont. I have seen over and over again at the firehouse how quickly our lives can end, or be changed forever.  I no longer look at a great bicycle and wish i had 5000 to buy it, instead i am thankful for the really nice 2000 dollar one i have. 

   And whats wrong with being the best wife a guy has ever had? In my honest opinion that is a noble goal just the same as if you were trying to be the best brain surgen the world had ever known.  Being the best is being the best. Plain and simple.

   Lots and hugs for you tortise.

   Bill

  thats the way to look at it. And you are absolutly correct about the grieving process, it applies to this desease also perfectly. I've had almost 2 solid years  of learning to live with this and coming to grips with it. 

   For whatever reason i can't or dont hold on to pain and hurt. Maybe its a defense mechisim.  I dont question, i just accept and move on in my life.

  And i bet you will make a great dog trainer tortoise. Feel like trying your hand with a very stubbron bernese mtn dog?????   LOL LOL LOL  He is a great friend but a bit opinionied about how and what he should do.  

   Bill

Anyway. SO ANGRY, I was literally starting my honours year in ecotoxicology the next week then I'm diagnosed with this. Yes I know the diagnoses isn't the problem, it was happenning already. But to be honest it just isn't !#$#%$#$%$&^&%$&^%^&## fair! skull skull skull skull I was going to be a SUCCESSFUL LEADER IN MY FIELD OF RESEARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dear Nuts,

I hear you loud and clear. This is the right place to vent, let it out and say what you need to say. It is so important to be able to freak out here and then go back to your day and get a grip and carry on. For myself, it might just mean, driving slowly with windows up, music nice and loud, and me yelling to the top of my lungs, just to vent and let out that excess "je ne sais quoi".... Meds will help. Finding the right combo is the key. Patience with that, okay?

Sometimes just taking the drama out of the equation can make a bit of a difference. Keep things simple around you and remember, be in the moment.

Anne

Cyclothemic, histrionic

Sorry it took me so long to get back. THanks guys> I know that I can study and do research, I just need to find the right meds and lifestyle?

Thank you