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self-esteem swings

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Posted 10/9/2010 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
These seem to go along with the mood i'm in..
when i'm hypo or manic of course i'm the crap and everything i do is golden, people all like me, blah blah blah..

then wehn im normal its like uh.. i guess i'm not all that, how could i have thought that, what must people have thougth of me , i feel keenly like i've lost something the confidence level is so different...

when depressed of course even worse i doubt my reason to exist or my worth as a human being, and all that.

Am i alone in these symptoms??

It feels so hard for me right now. i'm really struggling with feelings of reality being unreal becuase of the frequency of my swings, especially the crashes.

Now im worried that im delusional... sorry for burdening you all with my problems..
I think i should call my therapist.. even though she doesnt work on weekends...
leave her a message ... i don't want to be crazy and screw up my job .. im getting anxious now..
need to think good thoughts.. aaaaahhH!!
Posted 10/9/2010 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
You are not alone. Self-esteem is on every mood tracker I've seen. And I've definitely felt that change. It's rough coming out of the "everybody loves me and I'm totally awesome" phase. Reality bites.

While it's miserable, it's par for the course when your moods are not stabilized. I know how hard it is when you're cycling rapidly and having this also.

You are not delusional, IMO. You're having a very real, and very hard-to-cope-with symptom of this disease.

(((hugs)))
Posted 10/10/2010 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Green Tea,
No apology needed, you are not alone in your feelings. We all go thru it from time to time. Not fun.

Actually neat the way you described the situation. IMHO if you were delusional you would think you are the antichrist or something different than someone wondering how they will handle going to work Mon. You're still realistic.

I do think that a msg to your therapist, and one to your pdoc is in order for this weekend so that you can feel like you are addressing this. Write something out so you can state your case in a nutshell. Certainly can't hurt. Maybe you'll get appts faster that way.

What can you do tomorrow, or this eve, to comfort/placate yourself? Nice car ride, fresh air, call a friend to visit ?

Good luck.
Sandy
Posted 10/10/2010 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for such fast replies. I dont feel so alone anymore.
Ive been calling friends to talk to, one friend wiht bipolar and a good friend who's just always good to talk to.
ItsGenetic, i have been drinking tea and had a cuppa coffee thursday around 11am, that was the night i couldnt sleep and got all wired.. ehehe. but i really really needed it to get through the morning bcuz i was feeling down and coffees always a pickmeup .

Ive just gone gluten free to try to help with all the mood swings cuz i noticed i was getting depressed right after i ate even if i didnt eat much... that was weird... so i;ll try it for a month to see if theres improvement.

I did call my therapist to brief her and i mayyy call the social worker next week, see what she thinks. a little less welcoming there but .. anyway .. i guess i need to make the call? i just dont want to increase my meds too much and feel doped up or add a third med on..
Posted 10/10/2010 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
So last night got weird enough that i called a crisis line, and they actually knew what i was talking about! The feeling of unreality / reality being weird..
They told me to call on tuesday and talk to the social worker, see if other things are going on, and maybe see the pdoc as well to get meds adjusted.
I feel pretty bad that i had to resort to that but i guess it worked..
i dont feel super better even tho i slept which Sucks.. but i'm gonna try hard to be in spirits today.
thanks for ur caring everyone
Posted 10/10/2010 2:06 PM (GMT 0)
greentea, you shouldn't feel bad that you had to call them. If that's what you felt like was the rite thing to do then good for you. I know exactly how that reality thing feels. I get like that a lot. I hate it. It'll be ok though. You'll get this straightened out soon. i prayed for you. I hope your day goes ok.
Posted 10/10/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
thanks wolflover. my day so far is OK . i m just worried about working and volunteering on monday.
i keep starting to cry .. and i REALLY never cry so this is weird for me. too emotional.
thanks for thinking of me ..
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