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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 10/29/2010 11:31 AM (GMT 0)
I feel like I'm brand new to the bipolar world after being with a bipolar man for almost 20 years.  Now that he's off meds, I'm so overwhelmed with everything.  I can't figure out at all where he's at in his cycle, he's always stressed, depressed, angry, and most of the time that anger is directed at me.  Never physical, just mental, emotional.  Everything I do is wrong, from raising our kids to keeping our home to the way I dress. My self-esteem is back to zero, I'm anxious as soon as I know he'll be home.  I know that it's the disorder, it's not me, but that's not helping.  Since he thinks he's doing fine being off his meds, he just needs to be more disciplined, I'm pretty sure he won't go back on, and it's not like we can afford it anyway.  And of course we have this looming court case adding stress, not to mention costs.  I'm feeling absolutely defeated, I don't know what to do anymore...  Do I give up, throw in the towel, call it quits, or do I keep trying, not knowing when things will get better?  Thanks for listening, sorry if I sound like I'm having a major pity party...

Lori

Posted 10/29/2010 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Have you gotten your hands on the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder"? I think it will help you navigate.

One thing you might have to say is, "I know you don't think this is a problem for you, but it is a problem for ME. We need to find solutions or I cannot live in the same house as you."

I'm not saying cut and run or divorce (immediately). Set boundaries, learn what your options are. And DEFINITELY read the book.

The book addresses what to do when your partner doesn't believe s/he needs help, how to work together, and how to decide when it is time to leave.
Posted 10/29/2010 5:14 PM (GMT 0)
Good advice, hope you get the book, try Amazon, maybe get it used.

Tortoise is exactly right, its not a problem for him, as long as you keep taking crap. Its hard to distinguish between the disorder or if he's just using this as a reason to take out his problems, which he denies having, on you. Boundaries are important, and because he thinks he's fine, go ahead and make some then, no apologies.

Its not healthy to live with verbal and emotional abuse, no matter what the "reason". You gotta take care of you before you can take care of others.

You HAVE been a good wife, mother, woman.

Good luck,
Posted 10/30/2010 10:46 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the help and advice, but the decision has been made for me.  He packed some stuff up and left last night.  He feels that it is best for all of us that he just go away, I'm not sure what that means, but he's gone.  Before he left, he was talking about how he thinks we'd all be better off without him, we wouldn't have to deal with his problems, his negativity.  I don't know if that means for good, divorce, what.  Maybe he's right.  He has lost hope of a good outcome to his trial, he doesn't want to go to prison but has no faith in an honest justice system.  I guess at this point all I can do is take one day, one hour at a time and deal with what needs to be dealt with at the moment.  I'm a helper by nature, and maybe I just can't help him anymore.  Maybe that's part of my self esteem issues, I'm a failure because I can't fix him.  I'm not sure what, if anything, should be said to the kids, but I know there will be questions about where dad is.  I'll try to update, if and when I can.  If you have faith, pray that I'll be able to handle this and find my way.  Thanks again all.

Lori

Posted 10/30/2010 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
Lori - this might be the respite you need. You CANNOT fix him. Please stop trying - it only hurts YOU.
Posted 10/30/2010 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Well, a new chapter opens. It must be scary to have this happen so suddenly.
When he's all alone, maybe he will re-examine his plight.
The fact that he expects such a negative outcome at his trial shows that he is, as you say very depressed. Even if he didn't get the real expensive stuff, there are $4 rxs that have been proven effective and used for years. IF you could get him to go back to the doc.
Sort of confused, doesn't he have witnesses, and wasn't it self-defense? If so, he has some kind of confusion over it, and why does he seem to be so guilty?

That doesn't matter, right now what matters is you and the kids. Make the most of this opportunity to re charge. Think of something to ease the heaviness of Daddy leaving. Being Halloween, maybe something there.

Thinking of you, and of course, wishing yu well,
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