I have some serious questions.

I guess this is stupid, but I'm 16, and trying to keep this under my mother's radar. A few weeks back she said my brother was having marriage problems because he was bi-polar, and didn't want to have kids. He was afraid to pass that on to his children. She went on to tell me that my father was bipolar, so that is why my brother was, and that I might be bipolar one day, too. She had been watching me, trying to find out if I was so I could get help as soon as possible if I was. I thought it was interesting, so I started watching myself, and looking up symptoms. Now, I'm terrified. The more I search, and the closer I watch myself, the more I see that is way too close to the description of a mildly-bipolar person. I need some good, honest to God, opinions on if I'm bipolar or not. I want to be sure before I approach my mother. I love her, even if she gets depressed and irritated around me, and want to try and fix this if this is what's going on.

Why I think I might be Bipolar:

-My mood swings from happy to irritated on a dime, and then to depressed a few times a day.

-I used to be suicidal, and suicidal thoughts still cross my mind when I get depressed. I feel worthless when I get depressed.

-I flip-flop from sleeping too much, to not sleeping at all. I can't sleep in a way another person would consider 'normal'. My parents and friends constantly complain about this.

-I'm a teenager, and I guess this is probably normal, but I get sudden, strong sexual urges out of nowhere. I don't act on them, but it disturbs me when I'm trying to focus.

-Speaking of focus, I can't. As a little kid I could remember everything, but since a few years ago my memory sucks, and my thoughts jump around. I tend to confuse people when I try to tell them about things that excite me, though it makes sense to me. When this happens, my friends also tend to laugh because I'm talking so fast.

-I have some seriously screwed up and unrealistic goals. I realize this, and still shoot for them. I'm not sure if I'm just being a teenage girl, or something else.

-Sometimes I feel absolutely awesome about myself, then I can't stand myself. It's like I have this invisible confidence switch inside that I can't control or understand.

-Sometimes I love to go out, and others I just try to avoid all contact with others. It's not like it isn't 'fun', I guess is the word, but I don't really find enjoyment in it. When I'm like this, and get dragged into hanging out anyways, I get ignored or worried over because I have nothing to say like I do at other times. I can try to think of something to say, but nothing comes.

-SEVERE guilt. My mother, whom gets stressed dealing with me, has gotten to the point where she tells me just how she feels. She cares about me, but she calls me selfish, deceitful, and I feel like she can't understand me(which is a teenager thing, I guess), and get angry. I stay extremely angry until I get to my room. I usually just go from anger to feeling straight-up guilty and worthless, and can't stop crying. More then once I have ended up doing this, and breaking things, though I try not to. It's mostly on accident, but I don't think this is okay.

-I can eat like nobodies business because of a high-metabolism, but there are some days when my appetite is gone. I guess it's stupid to put this on the list, but it's listed as a symptom. What does this have to do with bipolar disorder?

-Lastly, as much as I try to save what money I get, I struggle with spending. This is something I think is just a normal teenage girl thing, but it's on several lists...


I don't want to bother my mother unless it's serious. Do you think I'm bipolar, or just a teenage girl? I'm scared of getting medicated if I am.. Like, seriously scared I won't be myself anymore, but I think I owe my mother some rest if medication will make me stop stressing her out.

So... Am I?

Ah, thanks anyways. I just guessed that asking somehow who had been through it might help me muster up the courage to do so.

Glad you decided to seek out some advice and support from us here. We are glad to help, always remember we are not professionals, we have just been there, and are still there. We are learning to manage our illness as life unfolds. Life is still good.

You really did your homework on Bipolar. And have enough insight to know that some of what you are going thru is normal teen-age stuff, growing pains, and it is an age where you begin rebelling, parents are ready to nudge you to prepare you to leave the nest, and it gets touchy.

It could be a little bit of both, bipolar and teen growing pains. Your mom seems to be going thru a lot now, with your brother's problems, and concerned about you. Mom's lose it sometimes. When you see she's heading out of control on you, try and say, Mom, Please, enough. You're breaking my heart, hurting my feelings, or whatever comes to mind. Leave the room if you can.
I have read that Bipolar is the result of stress + genetics, but not necessarily. You may be genetically pre-disposed, and not get it. If you had a severe traumatic childhood, that would be stress, and as you get older with more day to day stress, it starts showing up in symptoms.
The thing with money, for adults anyway is going out and spending your whole check, and at the end of the day don't have a clue as to where it went. Or, using your credit card, or just buying outrageously expensive things, then when you come down saying oh no, I can't possibly pay for this, but there you are, you owe. For you, maybe if you spend all your money and then don't have anything left for lunch or the bus or something, thats a problem, but not necessarily a symptom. Is your trouble spending, or saving for something like the prom?
The thing with eating, you can completely lose your appetite if depressed or forget to eat altogether when manic. Sometimes when depressed you eat like a horse, or like a bird.
Sleeping, a big teen problem to be sure. In BP, it is nearly impossible to sleep or rest when manic, you are busy doing all sorts of things. Usually unproductive and don't get finished. If it goes on for a couple days you feel really bizarre, and act like it too. Sleeping all the time is a sign of depression, but if you are out or up till all hours on the phone or internet, then of course you are going to want to sleep the next day. One thing BPs learn, we have to go to bed the same time just about every night, then get up the same time in the morning, establishing a sort of rhythm. Hard with your schedule I know.
Sexual urges, your hormones are fluctuating like mad. In adults, its a kind of urge to have sex with someone or anyone right now, don't care what the repercussions. And more, and more. Its not so much an urge, as following up with it in actions, which as you can imagine is very hard on your primary relationship, or lets say people at work if thats where you are messing around. You are very smart not to act on these urges, and control them at this point in your young life so as not to get into even more trouble, STDs or pregnancy, or just ruining your reputation.
Talking fast, not being able to express yourself, sometimes teens are just so excited about life. Is that it? Have to talk that one over with a professional.
Goals, difficult to set, and then as you get older you will learn things that will make you think you don't want to do that anymore. Think of everyone who has ever wanted to be a star for instance, or here's a good one, Oprah and the other anchor women. They started out at the bottom as weather girls, and look at them now. They got there in steps and so can you.
Going out, well teens are moody. There's a big problem when you don't go out at all, don't want to see friends, and don't want to do what you used to like doing alot. It all depends on the degree. Its not healthy to isolate. Sometimes you just don't want to go out, PMS or something. So hard to tell.
The anger and guilt. When someone you love is telling you off, calling you names, and just tearing you to shreds, its normal to feel angry, and if you turn that anger on yourself it becomes depression. Guilt isn't good, it depends on what your mom is saying, did you forget to dry the dishes or is it something serious.
See you're on the forum, will be right back

Glad you wrote on the forum.  I don't blame you - knowing all that information is confusing and scary and I do think sometimes it is hard to know what is being a teenager and all the hormone stuff and what might be something like depression or bipolar that needs to be treated.  I agree with what others have said on the forum and would emphasize you following up with your mother after what she shared with you.  Talk with her about your concerns and confusion like you have here.  As a mother I would be so grateful to have my child come to me in such a straightforward manner to talk (and am grateful when they do).  I would ask your mom if you could see a therapist who might be able to help you sort through all of this.  You are being smart about exploring this - hope you give yourself credit.