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Posted 10/30/2010 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
I'm very scared rite now cry
Posted 10/30/2010 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Why?  Are you safe?  What is going on?!
Posted 10/30/2010 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
What Is going on!!! Is it a med change, u cycling? WB
Posted 10/30/2010 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
OMG! I am moving, not to my husbands brothers house anymore, but still moving. We won't have internet.I asked him if i could get help 1st bcuz he told me before that i could. He said i couldn't. I have been calling phone numbers trying to get help. Everything is closed till monday. He canceled our trip because he said we didnt have the money for it. He blew that money, none of it went to bills. I needed that trip bad. I need to get away. My dog has been throwing up for two weeks now. I asked my mom if she could pay for her to go to the vet as my christmas present, she said yea. Now she is saying she isn't going to pay. I don't know what to do. My husband is mad. he says were not paying. after we move out we wont have any extra money. We have to get food stamps. I don't see why he can't wait. I don't know what I'll do without internet. It is the only thing that takes my mind off this painful life I'm living. He already tried to make me get rid of my pets. I'm not doing that. He made me feel guilty for having them. I wish someone knew this fear i feel, then they wouldn't treat me like this. Nobody understands me. I'm so scared. I don't want to get my old job back. I'm really scared i think im going to flip out. I cant handle anything anymore. I can't handle the job i have now. It makes me suicidal.
Posted 10/30/2010 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
You said the magic word, suicidal. Get to an ER right away. If you call 911 the police may give you a free ride.
You keep asking permission for the doc etc. You know yourself best.
Can you stay on at your mom's with your pets for awhile longer? Your husband is desperate it sounds, not thinking of how serious your needs are.

I hope you go to the ER.
There is a number to call in the meantime:
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Ameriac Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)

Please do
Posted 10/30/2010 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
Trying to understand is right. Get to the ER NOW! Dont wait untill things get worse. Please!! Don't worry about ur animals they will be there when u get back. Please call 911 if no one will take u. Will be thinking about u! Please help yourself.

SLZ

Posted 10/30/2010 7:08 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not going to the ER. I'll get in trouble. It is normal for me to get suicidal. Last attempt was a few months ago. No, I can't stay, not much longer. I just want this to stop. I called the pastor and he said he'd help some, with money, get some money together.I just want to be ok. When i was little, thats what I'd always say.When someone would ask me whati wanted if i could have one wish it was to be like everyone else, to be ok. I don't think i ever will be though.
Posted 10/30/2010 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
Go to the women's shelter if you are unwilling to go to the ER.
Posted 10/30/2010 8:59 PM (GMT 0)
You'll "get in trouble" if you go to ER?! Are you in an abusive relationship? I see a lot of hints towards that, but I've got nothing more than a hunch.

I second the women's shelter.
Posted 10/30/2010 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad you have talked to your pastor about getting some financial help.  I too think you should go to the ER or the women's shelter (or both), but if you don't do that maybe you can talk with your pastor a little more about the situation you are in.  He/she might be able to help you think through options and ways to get the assistance you need for yourself.  Does your mother know how bad your situation is?  Can you leave your husband and be safe?
Posted 10/31/2010 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
Being suicidal is never normal not for anyone and you shouldn't feel that its just YOU.
For some reason your mom and husband do not understand about being severely depressed.
This stress, living with mom, your pets, plans to move elsewhere, its stress thats making you feel worse.

Do not under estimate the problems you are having. They are serious and you can't look to your mom or husband to validate that. They are failing you.

You definitely ARE allowed to go the ER just like every other person in town. Please go.

It sounds like you are being emotionally abused and controlled. You must stop this cycle and help yourself. You are a grown woman, and have to take care of yourself.

Glad you got ahold of the pastor. One strong word of advice, if he gives you money do not give it to your husband or mom. You took the initiative to make contact with the pastor, and the money is for you, to spend on you, for basics like food, etc. Keep it. Don't tell them you got it, lie if necessary. Stand up for yourself.

Hope you either go to the ER for meds/evaluation or to the women's shelter. Encourage you to make the break with your husband, think of it as a separation to sort things out. He has a lot of figuring out to do himself.

Thinking about you, and know if you make the break we will probably not hear from you for awhile. Try and drop a line so we know you are safe.

Best Wishes, Good luck, God Speed,

Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 10/31/2010 8:34:26 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/31/2010 3:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Wolflover,

I just wanted to say that those of us over on the A&P forum are thinking about you too. You clearly have a lot of support on this site. While we don't know all of the details we all are hoping and praying for things to turn around for you. There are resources available (financial, medical, counseling, housing, etc.) and I hope that you realize that you are an important person and that you deserve the care and professional attention that's available.

As far as the internet thing I know it's not the same as having it at home, but most public libraries offer free internet service (as do community colleges which usually don't limit your time online the way libraries tend to).
Posted 11/1/2010 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
We've gotten to talk one on one, and I got the same feeling about controlling/abusive relationship with your hubby.  The more I think about it, the more I think he is wrong to refuse treatment for you.  You have a Dx.  You had treatment before.  Obviously his way is not working for you- and I am afraid that he doesn't seem to see (or care) that bipolr can have serious or even fatal consequences for you.  I'm afraid of what would happen to you if you became ill or injured- would he take the same line of zero medical treatment for that as well?  I think his treatment of your pets is very telling...

You have been heavy on my mind since the last time we chatted.  Please, I want to find a way to help you.

I agree with the other posts that you should throw "caution to the wind" and make a dramatic decision to stand up for yourself.  Think about what you need to be healthy and say that you will be doing these things- with or without his approval or help. 

I agree with finding a woman's shelter. (Possably though the pastor that you are already talking to.  They have access to list of community programs to reffer people to. The pastor may also know someone who could look after your dog while you are away at the shelter too, if your husband won't do it.)  Through the woman's shelter you might be able to start treatment for bipolar, and recieve regular counceling.  You might have a chance to become controlled and stable before making any other long-term decisions on your other relationships.  Don't be discouraged if there are aren't any programs like this in your immidiate area.  Get reffered and travel to them. Many of these programs are live-in programs where you learn to make life changes.

You don't have to do things like divorce him, but I think getting treatment on you own, away form his influnce, might be best for you.  While you recieve counceling for your bipolar issuse you can also get help with your marrage.  Moving back into a helthy relationship will help you to remain healthy when you leave the woman's shelter.

Please, please, oh please get the help that you need.  I worry for you.  I have already been praying for you and will continue to do so.

((((((hugs))))))  Christina

Posted 11/1/2010 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
Definitely not suggesting that you divorce your husband. Get some distance and take care of YOU.
Great idea, live in program.
Regarding emergency medical care, the hosp cannot refuse to care for you, regardless.
Phoenix is having a huge problem because their mental health funds dried up, so now people, especially the Homeless, go to the ER, get a complete evaluation and go on their way or are admitted overnight.
They're trying to figure out what the most cost effective thing is, meanwhile the ERs are handling it. There is health care for immigrants.

This is America.
You have a right to be treated. Please do
Please follow up with the pastor
Posted 11/2/2010 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
i just dont want to talk about any of this rite now. thanks for all the replies.
Posted 11/2/2010 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
OK, thanks for letting us know you are still around, and sort of OK.
Posted 11/4/2010 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
he hit me again yesterday. I'm just staying posted rite now. I already know what ya'll will say, to get help.
Posted 11/4/2010 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
Can you go to your  parents home and stay. there they would understand...

hugs, Caren

Posted 11/4/2010 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
Staying posted?! You're just sitting around waiting for more domestic violence?!

Move your butt girl! Get OUT of there before it gets worse! Once he does it once... he WILL do it again. At least go read up on domestice violence. Don't forget to read about the "honeymoon" period.

Get your documents together - Driver's License, SS card, birth certificate, Dr./clinic information, safehouse address (ONLY the address - don't put yourself in danger), your medication. Carry it with you. Or if you have a car he doesn't mess with, hide it in your car. Stash any cash. If you have income, set up a personal bank account he cannot access. If/when you do leave, get a PO Box!
Posted 11/4/2010 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
wolflover,

thank you for letting us know what is going on.  this must be awful - you know you need help and yet getting yourself there must feel overwhelming for you... I am sure it is overwhelming.  i do hope you keep looking for ways out, knowing that it can be dangerous to leave and you need to find as safe a way as possible.  if this was easy, you would have done it by now.  Please continue to keep us up to date.

Sun

Posted 11/4/2010 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Listen to Tortoise, get your personal paperwork together. If he gets violent again please call 911. You will have your stuff ready, and one of you will get an escort away from this hotbed of confusion.

Be a grown-up about it, you have to take care of yourself.

What happened to the plans you were making with the advice the pastor gave you. Have you kept in touch there?
Posted 11/5/2010 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Wolflover,

You are getting great advice here, I hope that you will accept it. My first marriage was violently abusive - it takes great strength and courage to get out - but you need to protect yourself. If you are being abused, it will not get better on it's own. Does anyone close to you know? Find what resources are available where you live - be it a safe house, a shelter, a friend - one whose address he doesn't know? Something. I left three times - last time was final. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - but if you are being abused, you need to take care of yourself.

You said you know what we'll all say - to get help - that's because it's what you need to do. I hope you follow through with your pastor and any other help you can get - please please get yourself to safety.
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