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Posted 6/2/2011 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hello again all. Those that know me know that my wife of 8 years told me about a week ago she wanted a divorce again. Well today she informed me that she was going tomorrow to file the papers. She continues to say that she's not manic and this has nothing to do with her illness. She continues to go to work but she still would rather be out with friends than at home with her kids. I don't know what to believe anymore. She just keeps saying that she's not happy. I have done everything I can for her but it's never enough. She even told me today that she still wanted to be friends and still talk. I told her that i just wanted to talk when it was about the kids. She still can't give me a reason why she's so unhappy with our marriage. She still won't even consider going to the doctor even though she's been off her meds for over a year. It seems like she's just bored with family life and wants something new and exciting. All I know is this is hurting me and the kids. I don't want a divorce but it's looking like I'm not going to have a choice. I ask you all to please pray for my wife and my family.
Posted 6/2/2011 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hello BMM

Im so sorry you are going through this.  Im married to a BP spouse and he left me 2 wks ago. He told me he did not want to be married anymore.  At the time we were only married 3 months and i had no idea he had BP.  Tomorrow i am going to see an attorney to begin divorce proceedings.  I feel for you, and i wish you were not going through this.  I know the hurt and pain you feel.  I will pray for your wife to find peace and for God to help her realize her priorities..her children and spouse.  I will also pray that God gives you the strength to endure and push forward..for you and your children.  They will need you more than ever.  God Bless and Take care!!

Angie

Posted 6/3/2011 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
my heartfelt compassion to you both. jamie.
Posted 6/3/2011 1:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hey BMM,

I feel for you. My situation is similar, but I don't have kids. My long sordid story is posted around the forum if you want to see if there are similarities. I have a feeling you will see a distinct pattern I sure noticed it, in other's posts from our perspective.

I was hopeful at first in my situation and now it looks like I am going to have to be the one to break it off. It's a roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, the BP one isn't the only one to have to take the ride.

I am not sure what advice I can offer you since, my situation isn't working out, but the first step is to get her to agree to get treatment. If she doesn't want or think she needs treatment, there isn't much you can do. It's a mental illness and no amount of logic, reason or compassion will help, unless they want help first.

There will be a lot of ups and downs, but keep hope and start doing things to help yourself first, if your spouse won't get help for themselves. It's like they tell you on airplanes. In an emergency, put your mask on first before you try to help anyone else. You can't help anyone else, if you've passed out from lack of oxygen.
Posted 6/3/2011 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
BMM,

You are such a good guy, it's working against you. You are codependent, I think. You enable her quite a bit. (Remember me telling you that when she's manic, you need to be stronger than she is?) Even if she isn't getting help, I think you should get some help for you and the kids. Even if it means you spend one of your visitation days going to the counselor. Your pastor can refer you to a good Christian counselor. You're going to need one, you're going through too much -- you shouldn't have to carry this burden alone.
Posted 6/3/2011 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
ebonyknight:

your analogy about putting on your oxygen 1st on airplanes is exactly what my bipolar sister told me! She's on about 5 meds I think. She was encouraging me to get treatment for my bipolar last year, & she was right. Thanks for reminding me of that example!
Posted 6/4/2011 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your help. I know I have to do some things for myself now and just hope she finds her way. It's tough to watch someone you care about go down this road but I have to let her figure it out on her own. I've been praying a lot and still believe there is hope for us. I've reconnected with God now and feel he is guiding me back to him. I'm going to lead myself and my kids towards him and hopefully she will follow. In just trying to give it all to him and let him take care of it. Thanks again everyone.
Posted 6/4/2011 3:45 AM (GMT 0)
I support your courage to go down the path of a healthy life, for you and your kids, especially when that means chosing not going down the same self destructive path as your wife (even when that means being without her). I'm glad you have found so much strength from reconnecting with God. One thing I'd like to highlight is the letting-go-and-letting-God/effective-action dichotomy. "Handing it over" can be extremely effective. So can "taking the most effective action". They are not mutually exclusive. You can strengthen your relationship with God and still do everything humanly possible to discern what response is best for each situation you find yourself in. I believe God's intervention is usually more in the way of providing us wisdom and insight and I believe your relationship with God will help you find your way. I wish all the very best for you and your children in this very difficult and painful situation x
Posted 6/4/2011 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning! I am new here but do think it is very good to at all in Gods hands. I myself have a hard time doing so because of my own guilt. That old joke though - the flood and people on the roof waiting for God to save them...when he says I sent two boats and a helicopter. I keep trying to remind myself God doesn't always appear obviously. I will be praying for you and your family .
Posted 6/4/2011 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
(Not in any way related to your post Mom0f3... I had a bad dream last night about it...which triggered this post).

Bmm,
I feel wrong. I offered another perspective at a time you most probably just needed support. My intention was pure but that doesn't mean they were the right words at the right time. I'm sorry.
LW

Post Edited (living well) : 6/4/2011 4:35:32 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/5/2011 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
Living well, Thats ok, I know you were just offering support. Thank you all for your understanding and support. I really appreciate it. Just for a little update. She still hasn't filed for divorce and has went back and forth on moving out. Right now she says she's not moving but wants me to move out. I don't know exactly what's going to happen but I know some of the things I need to do for me and the kids. I know I have to lead myself and the kids toward God and hopefully she will follow. That's what I'm concentrating on now. And thru all of this she has made me see some of the things I need to work on for myself.
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