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Don't you just hate it when you're the only one who can't sleep?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 3/19/2005 5:49 AM (GMT 0)
I think one of the lonelist aspects of having bipolar is the irratic sleep.  I've never been a good sleeper, but since I've been diagnosed sleeping has become somewhat of a luxary/torment.

 

I'm on 200 mgs of Serequel so medication isn't the problem, some nights it works so nicely, I don't even notice, but other nights, when I have a lot of my mind, it just doesn't work like I'd like it to.

 

Probably a lot of the problem is the environment I live in.  I live with my boyfriend, for the most part, but oftentimes he can be very unreliable and not always home.  He's not cheating, he's tending to an unhealthily greiving mother who lost her husband almost 2 1/2 years ago-he is her only child and she depends on him for quite a lot, it's hard to share when we live an hour away and she seems to call every weekend.

 

If I just had some friends this really wouldn't be a problem, for over a year we lived in a long distance relationship so seeing each other every day is more than a priviledge than an expectation.  I had friends close by where I used to live and now that I've moved and have lost my job it's even harder to make friends.

 

I don't think I'm alone when I say, "I hate living with bipolar disorder.  I just hate it."  I hate the unpredictability of it, the mental strain it leaves you with, the frustration it causes loved ones, I really hate it.  I hate not being able to get out of bed in the morning and I hate being so hypomanic that my brain can't focus on one thing and I feel completely lost, or I just can't sleep.

 

I take calcium, I try only to drink tea and water at night. I just started exercising regularly again.  I am trying so hard.  The medicine makes you gain weight which adds to the depression, but if you take too much anti-depressant you get out of sorts.

 

Oh well, I suppose we're all going through the same things, I just needed to share my feelings, not really looking for any answers, just looking for a little bit of empathy.

Posted 3/19/2005 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
keldew.......I am from the crohns forum but I do know what you mean about not sleeping ....sometimes i will lay there and watch my hubby sleeping so peacefully that i just have to pull on his mustache or tickle his face (not enough to wake him) just enough to irritate him ......HOW DARE HE SLEEP lol..........The best med i have found for sleeping is trazadone it is not a narcotic but i tell you it really works ...it stops your mind from going aroung in circles and you (I) get a good 6 to 8 hrs sleep on it .I take it about half hour before i go to bed have a hot milk and cuddle on the hubbys chest and its lights out for me.Sometimes if I am too overamped it takes a little longer to work but it will eventually.It seems like you have a lot to deal with hun......can you not go with him to his moms and maybe share that with him?Friends are hard to keep once they know you are ill no matter what the illness is ..at least that is my finding.....I think that tea would make it harder to sleep at night as well I know it would for me ,are you able to stomache hot milk? It has a natural ingredient in it that activates when heated and you can feel the calmness wash over you as you are drinking it .......you could add just a touch of hot chocolate to it for taste or cinnamon on the top .....just a suggestion.................As for your other problem could she move closer to yous or would that cause to many problems ........How long have you been living like this .you shouldnt feel that it is a privy to have your partner at home thats where he should be .............but I take my hat off to him for looking out for his mom ........but in all honesty he should be there for you as well........If you need to talk I have all my info on here and will gladly be here for you ...........I hope I have been some help hun .....you take care and GOD BLESS
Posted 3/19/2005 7:37 PM (GMT 0)

Lyn,

Thank you for noticing my post.  I guess what frustrates me the most is that I can go for almost a week and sleep half decently and then I just fall into the same old routine.  I have the hardest time sleeping on the weekends when I'm always anticipating something to happen with my boyfriend that he will have to be with his mother or he will have to leave.  I spend everyday alone while he's at work (except for my dog who is great!) so it's hard to be alone when he's supposed to be home. 

To answer your question, he's not ready for me to meet his mother, although we've been together for almost two years, she is still not up to meeting new people (eventhough I'm not really new!) and she's just not mentally well.  He just helped her buy a new house about a year ago so there is no way she can move and we're in the middle of a lease so there's no way we can move. This is the way things have to be right now.

Thanks for the tips, I'm always willing to try new techniques to sleep!!!

Posted 3/20/2005 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
keldew.......am glad I could help out a bit ......this must really be heartwrenching for you with the position your in and for him as well ..........someday you are going to have to meet her and then youll probably end up being the best of friends ....right now he is her only link to her dead hubby and she is holding him close to her but ya know I bet she could really use a woman to talk to .I know that when my first hubby died in 1979 i was lost just held on to my 2 boys and cried all the time or was at his grave every day sometimes all day long.........my mom and I had the best relationship at that time,she knew tht I needed her to help me thru.Is there peeps that his mom could have come over and spend time with her and give yous a break.This must be very difficult on your relationship and on you personally .......it isnt good to always feel alone .........like I said if you need to talk i am here and you can email me or my aol im is up so please dont hesitate and dont be a stranger ok .................my thoughts and prayers are with you ...........GOD BLESS and KEEP YOU COMFORTED

PS...I would tell your B/F how lonely you feel and that you would like to meet his mom even if as a "friend" and dont push him but give him a time limit to reply to your request...........2 and a half years is a long time for him to be constantly catering to her and it might work out better for the 2 of you if you got involved in some lil way ..as I said she could probably use a woman to talk to about how she feels ..........Good Luck and Take Care

Posted 3/20/2005 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Lyn,

Thanks again. To answer some of your questions, yes she does have family and friends around her who are constantly trying to help her get through these rough times but she is very stubborn (like her son!) and would rather be miserable than taking the help that is even being offered. She's even in therapy, but we all know you get what you put into that and if she's not putting that much into it then I doubt she's getting much benefit.

Eventhough I have friends they don't always understand my mood swings or my insomnia-two of them are doctors, so they are helpful when it comes to all of my medicine, but we're all in our twenties and kind of lost in our own lives right now.

I tell my boyfriend everyday how lonely I am and it just makes him frustrated, he liked it when I had a group of friends I could go out and do things with when he couldn't be there for me, but now it's really falling on his shoulders.

Anyway, thanks again for your support and understanding.
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