Bipolar partner unmedicated

oh dear pollypocket, what a dilemma hey. Why do you say it was completely his choice to move in? Obviously it was fully both of your choices. In hindsight, it may have complicated your relationship but I understand there would have been many good reasons that both of you chose to live together too. I don't quite understand why you were/are prepared to take him on when he is not prepared to manage his health. I understand love and what we are prepared to do for someone we love. Believe me - my ex boyfriend has more problems than me in relationships and I am the bipolar one. But I still love him. He accepts he has a problem, he goes to a pdoc himself and he also pays for us to go to relationship counselling to work on the issues together. We may never reunite, we may not continue as friends - but if we do, it won't be at the detriment of either of our health and wellbeing - as much as we may love each other. Anyway, that is just to give you the background that I do understand how it feels to be in love with someone and not have the relationship being workable and trying to get it there. The really sad thing, pollypocket, is it does need to be both of you that wants it, and wants it to work. If he's not prepared to work on his own health management and he's not prepared to work on his relationship; he will most likelydrag you to a place of deep despair before long; far worse than that horrible loneliness that comes from being sexually rejected by a partner - (I have also had years of experience of that with my ex-husband. It is humiliating and cruel. They will do anything to try to make you feel responsible for the own lack of libido). I was shocked and very overwhelmed at the amount of attention I got when I left my marriage. I had been told I was "too fat and ugly to *(&^ " for 10 years. I had come believe it. I don't think your situation is impossible but it does require very effective intervention and BOTH of you to work on yourselves and your relationship for it not to turn into a nightmare that you regret allowing yourself to get into in the first place. By all means love your partner, but just make sure you keep YOUR wellbeing front and centre at all times.

Bipolar is a very serious illness and it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask him to move out until he gets his health sorted.

Make no mistake: Unmanaged bipolars destroy the people who love them.

You don't deserve to be destroyed. This is not your illness - it is his illness - and it is up to him to manage it.

My advice: Draw the line on what you will and won't accept and let him know of the consequences if he crosses that line - and enforce it. Us bipolars may not be able to control our moods but we sure do control every action we take. We are fully responsible for our behaviour. We are fully capable of treating the people around us with respect - and our loved ones with love, and our intimate partners with intimacy.

Bipolar is NO excuse for bad behaviour.

I hope this helps x

Post Edited (living well) : 6/22/2011 2:57:26 AM (GMT-6)

If he truly is bipolar and refuses to seek help/counseling or give meds a try, I doubt there is anything you can do to help.  Maybe breaking it off with him may jolt him into thinking that he really does need to find a way to control/manage his symptoms.  If he does not I can tell you, you are going down a very very rough road.

I take a hard line on this one because you have to ask yourself, are you willing to give up a lot of happiness in your life to spend it with someone who does not even care enough about themselves to get help or atleast make an effort? 

food for thought

When I said 'he was high' I meant high on a mood swing not not on drugs. He does drink alcohol on weekends. I think he's scared of all of it right now, he's not going to be sectioned or anything like that he is very high functioning. The collapse happens in his head he keeps the rest of his life in order etc. But thank you for your reply it's all appreciated. Tired over here now, he's home from work too tired and ready for sleep. Loving and appreciative of me tonight too, I forget about the normal times sometimes when things get bad . Thank you all.

Hey,
You guys are not alone.... I have been with my (ex) boyfriend for 2 years and well it has been a real rollercoaster ride. It seems like all the BP are the same, all the stories are the same. My (ex) boyfriend has anger issues, fear of abandonment, wants to be in control, blames me for everything, mood swings, double standards, disappearing and turning off his phone, picking fights for nothing, lying, i hate you dont leave me (push/pull dance). Texting with other women and whenever i confront him he will say that i am cheating or i am imaginaring things. Ooh the sex rejection (tell me about it....) i also get the blame for the lack of sex...
He knows that he has a problem (goes to the doctor, takes medication/injections), doesn't drink coffee and alcohol during the winter, but in the summer when he is manic he will drink a lot of alcohol. For the past 20 months i told him to get help or else i would leave.... but for the past 20 months i failed and everytime i begged him back....
After a double standards fight he left (he is waiting for me to say sorry and beg him back)..... I told him if he wants to come back he needs to get help....this time i am keeping my foot down... i have enough..... xoxoxoxo

I have to say, as a bipolar man with questionable control, there isn't anything you can do but love and suffer (good times exist in there as well) if he refuses any sort of treatment. That isn't to say that medication isn't the only treatment, but it is the surefire solution to serious safety issues for both you and him.

I will also say that even the most benign medication has serious side effects that aren't directly related to external behaviour. From my own experiences, I have worked better without medication but with plenty of time for meditation and exercise. These outlets saved me for years. However, I lost the love of my life relying on these techniques because, when the stress got too bad from my engineering job, I didn't have the capability of coping with home life as well.

In the end, she left me and I fully understand that. You have to make decisions for yourself and, if you can, remind yourself that his well being relies on an understanding of the actual situation that he is in.

However, my IQ dropped 40 points in the year since that by being on the most modern drugs available over time. It's unfortunate and I personally hate the fact that I'm close to being of average intelligence these days. But I hurt people a lot less now. It also helps when a bipolar person personally chooses to not ever involve themselves in an intimate relationship. That way no one is harmed.

I know none of this is positive but I feel this is honest.