Yeah. She is still gone, but dropping off the dogs when I go to work. She did that before, but now she doesn't even call. My therapist thinks she is desperate and has no where to put the dogs. I kind of agree, because I came home and was surprised to see the dogs. She wasn't there. I left, went rollerblading and came back. As soon as I walked in the door she said she was getting some stuff and leaving (acting like she had just got there with the dogs).
I didn't say anything and she left and I enjoyed my night.
Yesterday same thing. I left and went to my counselor and came back to find her sitting there. She again said she was leaving then mentioned her father was in the hospital. I gave her my condolences and sat and watched tv (while trying to not feel guilty for not being more consoling).
She then asked if she could stay until traffic let up (we live in a metro area and it was 6pm). I said okay, how long would that be. She said several hours. I told her that traffic would let up in an hour. I went upstairs to change and when I came back down she was just getting off the phone saying she would drop the dogs off to someone on the phone. She then got up and said she was leaving. Hmmm..... On her way out I mentioned that she needed to do something with the dogs. She and I then (cordially) went back and forth on that for about
10 minutes. She then left.
She left and called back, having forgot her computer bag (I believed her for once). When she came back I asked her to sit for a minute and to discuss how we were to go about
this "amicably". A word she has been using recently. She needed to leave the dogs because her mother does daycare (true) and there can't be any animals around when she has the children (probably true). I said that I could do this for a little while but not indefinitely. I asked her how long she needed. She said she didn't know. I said that's indefinitely then.
I told her I would make a deal in the interest of amicability. If she cleans up after the pets, stops acting like she still lives there (coming by without calling) and cleans up the house (the clutter issue) then I would be willing to this arrangement for a little bit. She agreed. She then left with the dogs.
I then got upset. One if the exercises I am doing is trying to identify what I am feeling at a particular moment (co-deps, can't due to repression). I struggled for about
15 minutes. I am not sure why, maybe because I feel like I capitulated? :shrug: Then I decided to detach.
Well we will see how this goes. If she (again) takes advantage of the situation by not cleaning up (but being there), I will nip it in the bud. I also thinks she knows I am now serious (in her mind) about
ending this relationship. I read my Co-dep book every night in bed. When I went into my master bed bathroom her makeup was gone and my book had been "moved" at my bedside.
I am assuming that she will want to clean up during the weekend, so I will see how serious this cleaning will be or if she is just trying to insert herself (instead of just the dogs) back in.
I met with my counselor for my long awaited session, last night. She was impressed with my quick progress. She also (without putting it in actual words) said it was time for me to end the relationship and move on as she is not willing to get better. She thinks the 'narcissistic' behavior is still the BP though and mentioned that even if she goes through the extreme measure of being admitted for treatment, there is not a good chance for recovery for her, with her current denial.
Regardless, I will be amicable, but I am setting the limit at staying the night. I have established that particular boundary and will NOT go back on that. It was hard enough to get her out the first time.
Sooo....in short, I am staying committed.
Thanks for asking, it's good to know that people care.