Can't take anymore

I have been married to a man with bipolar disorder for over 26 years. We have five children, one diagnosed with bipolar disorder and one with Down's Syndrome. Our youngest daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks and I feel the childrearing is done. My youngest has Down's Syndrome, so he is in a different category and will be with me for awhile. I do not know if I can stay married to this man any more, I have been hurt by him over and over again. The mind games, the yelling, the put downs, the lack of affection, the INSANITY I must always make sense of, the money being spent, the woe- is - me, the grandiose lectures about history, religion, politics, the arrogance- it is all too much. I have all the responsibility for every aspect of our lives, because I don't know how hard it is to be him, according to him. I have all the responsibility, but I have no idea what the he#$ I am doing, according to him. He gets a pass on everything, because he is sick and he didn't mean it, according to him. I would not have married him had I known he had this disorder, I would never have had children with him at the very least. He is disrespectful to me, he devalues me as a woman and a human being. I now know that his illness is making me sick. I realize it and I don't know how to get better without counseling and being outside of his crazy orbit. How do other spouses stay sane with a bipolar spouse? He takes Lamictal and I don't see any improvement. He has been on it for over a year. He refuses to speak to a counselor. I can't worry about him any more. I have to get myself better and take care of a disabled son. Isn't that enough? How do I deal with the overwhelming guilt I feel about the thought of leaving a sick spouse? I don't even know where to start. If anyone has any advice for me, please, please share with me.

Weary Wife, you asked "How do I deal with the overwhelming guilt I feel about the thought of leaving a sick spouse?".

My answer is "By knowing that that is not the reality of what you are doing"

What you are doing has nothing to do with leaving a SICK spouse. What you are doing has everything to do with leaving an ABUSIVE spouse. We all retain the right to end hopeless relationships. We certainly reserve the right to end abusive relationships. Your husband failed you and you have every right to leave. The guilt rests solely with him. The only guilt you have to deal with is letting yourself be mistreated for 26 years.

I'm bipolar and I don't expect anyone to stay in my life if I am harmful to them!!! I manage my illness in close collaboration with my medical team. I don't "share" management of my disorder with a partner. But I still share all my thoughts and feelings with a partner like in any relationship though.

Your husband isn't "ill" so much as he is "abusive". Bipolar doesn't explain everything that is wrong with your husband. The fact that he doesn't take responsibility for managing his illness effectively certainly doesn't help. You've absorbed all the consequences for his lack of responsibility for 26 years. It's almost like you've allowing yourself to be "kidnapped" and you life "hijacked" for more than 1/4 century! That was the decision you made in the past - and now you are making better decisions. It is time to take your life back and find yourself again! (Be aware you will need counselling; you have been through enormous trauma; the pain doesn't go away as soon as we get free; we still need to work through our trauma). Hugs.