Is there really nothing I can do?

I have been reading many stories about bipolar disorder in this forum and they have been such a tremendous help to my situation. However, it is also sad and scary.

My estranged husband has been suffering from Bipolar 1 since January, (he left me taking only a few things with him). He is currently living with his mother, sister, and her two kids in an apartment, (he sleeps on a couch). He lost so much since leaving; he lost the best job he has ever had, his health insurance, his money, his brand new car, and more. He is so extremely different in personality and thoughts. He lies about everything. He is now anti-medication (he was taking Zoloft for nine years for panic attacks), saying he doesn't want some stupid medication controlling him. He tells me he only views me as a friend, (I have been with this man for 17 years and he has always loved me). Told me I should file for divorce; I told him I am not going anywhere.

Back in June 2010, he began self-medicating with alcohol more often than usual. In November, he had a breakdown, stating he could hear his "child" self talking to him in an angry way. He threw our lamp on the floor, began crying, bolted out the door, and stayed at a hotel. This was also the time I found out he had a 'girl' friend. He had very lengthy phone conversations with her and text messages too, (denies any physical contact to this day). I noticed he stopped taking the Zoloft. He also became a Monster energy drink addict. In December, we were driving in the car and out of nowhere, he threatened to drive the car into the back of a truck. I calmed him down; we pulled over and he began crying. He started telling me all these things I never knew about him, (rather sickening stuff). I told him for the millionth time that he needed to see a doctor. He never did.

We are currently not on talking terms because I can't control my anger over the situation. I find out things about his behavior, which I throw in his face. I have told him that all he needs to do is get help and everything will be taken care of; that his life will improve. He says he doesn't have a problem. He is refusing to go to the hospital.

In the process, I am watching the man that I have loved since I was 12 throw his life away; the life that we built together. His sister knows he has bipolar but she wants to remain neutral, which I totally understand. I also know I cannot do it alone.

Thank you for letting me share. Any feedback would be useful.

Dear Geom,

I am sorry for what your going through.

I cannot tell you what you should do ....
the only thing I can say is that my (ex)boyfriend is also bipolar. He goes from depressed, mixed state, withdrawal, manic. In between he is normal and last year he had 2 months of normal period. (I gave him a moodchart)

He did the running away a few times and each time I begged him to come back and said sorry for whatever I was blamed for. For years I told him to get help ...only he refused to get help. (I also sent him links so he could read it himself. I know he reads them, he knows he has problems and he also takes medicine).. but still... he kept blaming me.

He also had problems in other relationships...if I am correct they only thought he was only thinking of sex and never looked further...

''I find out things about his behavior, which I throw in his face.'' I also did this and my ex boyfriend got really mad....but your right he needs to know what is going on....

This year we had a fight and he left.....he tried pulling me back in, I said sorry and asked for forgiveness (for whatever I was blamed for) only this time I did not beg him back. I told him if he wants to come back he needs to get help. This is also the first time I have NO CONTACT....(really I love this NO CONTACT....it is stresssfreeee)

It is summer now, so he is manic .... when he crashes I will see if he listened to me or not... If not I know I am already moving on.... Why? Because life is to short and I cannot let my life be controlled by someone that does not care about my feelings...and does not want to get help or get his meds adjusted (well goes on and off meds).

I also read a lot of those bipolar websites and the people that were succesful either left their unmedicated spouse and when the bipolar spouse crashed and wanted help they got help and got back together,

or

when the unmedicated spouse ran away the spouse did not ran after them.
Gave an ultimatum (get help or divorce).
the bipolar spouse did not get it at first.... but after a few months saw that the spouse really meant it and finally got help...and the couple got back together...

Patriot is right... the family is in denial and by this they are enabling him... Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom....

I wish you well and good luck with whatever you decide to do.... hugsssss

I am sorry that you have MS.

I understand and I am happy your going to therapy.

My ex boyfriend's mother also has MS. I was worried about his behavior and checked all MS related websites. He has symptoms of MS and it seems that bipolar is quite common with people diagnosed with MS.

Take care of your health (dont stress too much). hugss

Thank you, tortoise11.

I will continue my journey in caring for myself as much as possible. I notice that I try too hard at times and it leaves me with an aching hole in my heart. It changes my character and demeanor and I don't want to do that to myself. For the most part, I am upbeat and content.

My husband and I stopped talking for three months due to him pushing my buttons, (I cut off his cell phone). He finally decided to call me when he knew I was in the hospital. When we finally spoke, I thought things would be a little better. Boy, was I wrong. He put himself on a high horse like everything was all good, (grandiosity). It was just bad. Now my mind wants me to reach out to him again, but my soul is stopping me. This has to be part of my boundary with him until he decides to get help.

Thanks for the book suggestion. I am going to check it out.

Hugs. :)

Thank you, Serenitee.

Somehow he thinks I am his enemy; like he needs to prove that he can get back up on his own without me or medication. I am just keeping my head up.

Hugs and :).