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my wife wants a divorce, I will give it her but I must remain true to myself.

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Posted 8/10/2011 5:49 PM (GMT 0)

My wife of 13 years wants a divorce, I will accept it but I also have to live with the decision I make now for the rest of my life.  Our marriage was strong, I knew she had bi-polar but she managed it well, I have dyslexia and she gave me great support with that.  We have two wonderful boys 10 and 12, and now a baby girl who is 1.  We are in our forties and we have a house, most folks who know us thought we had the ideal marriage.  However the pregancy was a difficult one and the baby is down, to add to things my wife was fired from her job right after she returned from leave, she took it hard.  She fell in with a bad crowd, two divorced women who I think are taking advantage of her, but she is quite attached to them.   I think she may have post partum, and that could have accelarted something with her bi-polar.  Anyway she told me she wanted a divorce and has cut out all direct contact with me.  I do have some indirect contact though the children.   Although I will miss being married to her I have accepted it, but I have a lingering thought that I am not doing the right thing by this.   My lawyer is preparing to sue for custody, and I do not like it but I am going to follow is advice, even though I know this will hurt her and may end any chance of our marriage being saved.  She will not get help, she is hanging with a bad crownd and is doing some very odd things.  I am worried about her and my friends are suggesting tough love, but I have to live with myself and I am quite confused as to how to appoach the next few months.  Any suggestions are helpful.

Posted 8/20/2011 2:14 AM (GMT 0)
You say "I knew she had bi-polar but she managed it well" - please tell us more about this. Has she ever gone off her medication or otherwise had a bipolar episode (high or low) that affected the well-being of your children?
Posted 8/22/2011 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Patriot

She told me several years ago she was on medication for it, her grandmother had a severe case of it, the medication seemed to work and although there were moments, spending, and depression ect, we as a family got thourgh it with love, support, ect. However when she became pregnant last year thing were never the same, after the baby was born things got worse. She has never been the same person.

To answer your second question, yes but I would rather not go into details here, becasue I do not want this to be a gossip column.
Posted 8/23/2011 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
p-dad. Child birth and post-partum is a HUGE game-changer for bipolars. 1 year since the last baby puts you in the post-partum bipolar nightmare time frame. For me it was 8 months of intense rapid cycling. Going from euphoria to suicidal at least once, twice a day. Divorce was strong enough trigger to kick me into mania and I did better after that.

Try the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder".

She CAN be the same person again.

XOXO
Posted 8/23/2011 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
tortroise,

Thank you for your response. I have a feeling you are right and I am glad you shared with me this information. I hope she does become the same person I married and loved, as for the marriage itself I am not sure it can be saved but time will tell on that. In reading what you have said you appear to have felt some of the same feelings she is, how did your marriage turn out, were you able to work things out, or was the damage too much
Posted 8/23/2011 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
My marriage was already completely broken before. I am not joking when I say this. My ex-husband came home from work, opened the door (I was sitting on the couch.) He said "I want a divorce" at the EXACT same time I said "I'm pregnant." lol He was aupportive through the morning sickness phase and checked out from there. We lived separately during the rest of my pregnancy.

BUT, the important detail is that he is bipolar too. Even worse, he is undiagnosed and untreated.

I'm engaged and in a stable relationship now. We've been living together for almost 2 years.
Posted 8/23/2011 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
Tortoise,

Wow I feel for what you have gone through. I hope your new marriage is better, as for me right now she does not wish to speak to me, and I am dealing with life without speaking to her, before anything else happens that has to change. If it does not then well there is nothing I can do.
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