How to plaster over the cracks?

Hi everyone,

The cracks are showing today.  My husband - after three weeks on Olanzapine - might be sleeping better but he's still totally manic and in rage mode.  he refused to go to his psychiatrist appt this morning, I could tell that the rage had set back in and so, I went and all he wanted was the repeat prescription.  The psych. rang him and he put the phone down on him, so he's referred him to the crisis team.  I've no idea whether my husband will engage with the crisis team or not yet. 

He shouts and swears at me and threw a pear at me (fortunately, it missed).  I get angry and he says that we're finished.  We live with my elderly dad and awaiting a new build house to be built and my dad is getting stressed, too.  I've told my husband to go - I don't want him to - I still love him.  But the abuse is wrecking me.  The crisis team have a respite place and they might offer him that for a week or two, again, I don't know if he'll take it or not.  At least that way, he'd have somewhere to go. 

I broke down at work today, the stress is too much.  Caring for my elderly and disabled dad and my angry husband is too much.  Even the dog doesn't know what's going on.  I don't want him to go, but he takes it all out on me because he can.  I'd just like to know when my husband will come back or does the mania never go away?  We used to have fun, be a pair, now I'm left with secrecy and anger.  I've never felt so isolated and lonely.

Hello, Polo99, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. You
really shouldn't continue to expose yourself, your dad, and the dog to
this man's insanity. There is so much help out there if he can just get
some insight into his behavior.

Polo, mania is a reaction to depression, so if he can get help for depression, he will likely be able to have the mania relieved, as well.

It sounds as if you have done everything possible to help. It is really going to be up to him to recognize that he has a dangerous problem that is damaging his relationships seriously. His best help is going to be hospitalization and treatment, then psychotherapy, and rest at
his home or some place where he will be able to get quiet and peace--not that you haven't gone far out of your way to give it; he just isn't able at this stage of his illness to recognize that you have tried desperately to help.

If there is any way that you, your dad, and the dog can live someplace
else for a while until he gets help, you might wish to take that route.
You really must understand that it's out of your control to heal him at
this point. He needs the best medical and hospitalization available to
get him over this really tough time in his life.

If he drinks alcohol or anything containing caffeine, he should stop it.
Both make the illness worse. Diet is important, too, but at this point,
it's going to be up to the doctors to sedate him and give him time to
recover. This is the most dreadful part of the illness in those who have a severe case of it. You need to be away from the environment, recognizing that he may be very humble and repentant when he recovers and need you back in his life very much.

He can be stabilized, Polo, but please see that you and the rest of your
family are secure away from him now until the doctors have brought him back to sanity.

My prayers are with you.

It's Genetic

Have you ever worked with plaster?

To fix a crack, first you go in and gouge out all the damaged and loose material. If it is deep, you lay new layers in one at a time, letting the previous one dry. Then a strong mesh is laid across the top to hold it together. Finally, 2 - 3 fine layers are carefully wiped across the top.

Do you get my analogy?

Clean out that crack in the plaster. Rid yourself of the damaged material. That might mean physical separation from your husband until he complies to treatment. That might mean getting help with your father's care. And it definitely means therapy for you.