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Posted 12/27/2011 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
I am not doing well.  I've missed doses of meds.  Maybe 6 times?  I don't know when.  I'm having problems wih anxiety, anger, agitation, excessive sleep.  I almost blew up at my fiance at work today.  I left and went to the gym for a while instead.  Yesterday I broke down crying while grooming a dog and almost left work - with everything unfinished and a client waiting.  I'm unfocused.  Uncomfortable.  Not seeing reason to do anything.  Feeling down.  But then not able to sleep.  I was thinking about going to the gym last night.  My fiance kicked me out of bed after me tossing and turning for 3 hours. Started a painting project, unlike me.  Very strange and upsetting, everything all together.  I am desparate for comfort.
Posted 12/27/2011 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
It's the rich holiday diet, Tortoise, and the fact that you missed several doses of your medication.

You can't double your meds, so the next best thing is to start drinking water--and plenty of it--to counteract all the acidity of the Christmas meals. Take an aspirin (my psychiatrist said) and get back on your regular meds schedule, please.

Going to the gym was an excellent idea.  I'd keep that up if you feel like it.

You'll be better in about 2 days.

I have lots of sympathy for you and will pray  for your contentment.

It's Genetic

Posted 12/27/2011 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
It's more meds than food, I think. (?) I was sick with anxiety and missed Christmas meals. Lost my appetite for snacks and treat too! Been eating bland stuff - plain cereal, rice, potatoes. The extra sleep seems to be helping today. I came home from work and slept more. Feel better. Had some leftover stir fry and rice. Going back to sleep for another hour. Then I have to go back to work again. Hope I can do that without crying or yelling. :(
Posted 12/27/2011 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Tortoise, I am always surprised how missing just 1 dose of meds makes a difference, I think that's why I had a hypo day or 2. So missing 6 doses would definitely have an effect on your moods, add on top of that the stress of the holidays, makes for a difficult time. Glad you were able to sleep, that almost always helps me. Some healthy comfort food, with protein also seems to help. I hope you get it all straightened out quickly.
Posted 12/27/2011 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
I didn't miss all in a row, thankfully. Don't know what that means for how long 'til I'm back to myself. Already broke down crying at work. I am impatient to go home - one of the dogs I groomed is not completly dry. I will go home and cry and sleep. My fiance is in another county at court, trying to get people who own his business a lot of $ to pay their bills. He almost didn't hug me when he left, that's when I started crying. Stupid. Have a huge list of thank you notes and stuff to do too. :/ :(
Posted 12/27/2011 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
Instead of crying myself to sleep, I am going to go shopping with a friend and hopefully get her Christmas present for her. My fiance will be mad - she lives in my hometown 50 miles away. This could end badly.
Posted 12/27/2011 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
am here for you. with much healing compassion to you. jamie
Posted 12/28/2011 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Has the panic passed tortoise? From what you write, I get the impression that some post-panic depression has come to visit? Did your dog remind you of the meds and you felt too overwhelmed and anxious? Is your med regime still simple or has it blown out to complex again? I wonder whether you have some deep held believe about taking meds or whether it is just because taking meds is a pain in the arse. The consequences of not taking them is so hard to endure thou. How's your fiance's counselling going? He still sounds controlling. Has he made any improvement at all? Eating low gi foods and exercising in moderation will be definitely helping you through this time. x
Posted 12/28/2011 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
He has improved - we did 2 counseling sessions. With intent to do more when I'm ready. It's been about 3 of my single sessions to 1 couples session. He has been more kind with this last episode. He has also been more patient with our main conflict. I don't know if it is bothering him less or if he is being more tolerant. I'm doing slightly better, baby steps.

He was fine for me going today. He suggested I leave money at home, which IS supportive considering I just had a spending spree. I wanted sex tonight, not gonna happen so I was going to go to the gym instead. Except there is a woman there who I don't want to talk to. Might go later.

I don't have my service dog anymore. A little strange. And why I'm not perfect on meds lately.

I did break down crying at work again today. I took tomorrow off. Still nervously planning a road trip to MO (9+ hours each way) for late this week. :/
Posted 12/28/2011 4:05 AM (GMT 0)
I hope you feel better soon. The ups and downs are overwhelming:(

xo
B
Posted 12/28/2011 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tortoise

Sorry to read about your current struggles. I don't have much to offer.

However, be careful on your road trip. Road trips usually send me crashing towards a pole, which one is always a surprise.

Stop often, stop long enough to walk around. Drink lots of water (this will make you stop). Don't snack. Don't eat in the car, sit down to a real meal, not fast food. Make sure your car is in top running order, top off fluids, check tires, etc. Seems like a lot of bother, but these things help me enjoy a road trip which I otherwise could not have taken.

Have fun seeing the USA in a Chevrolet.
Posted 12/28/2011 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
I was late to work today. 4 hours late! Couldn't get up, really strange. Thankfully my appt was easy and the client didn't sound unhappy.

I should probably start packing NOW. We decided when we will leave and come home. That helps. I want to stay at a hotel. Staying at other people's houses is very stressful, I get agitated, anxious, can't sleep. My mom wants to stay with her sister - which is about the worst place for me. I like my aunt but not staying with her.

I'm going to unpack some of my purchases from Victoria's Secret, which should make me happy. I nee to work on washing dishes. And go to the gym sometime.

One bad thing about not being able to work much is I miss the structure.
Posted 12/28/2011 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
I talked to my mom and booked a hotel room for one night. One night at my mom's house (usually not too bad), one night at a hotel with a pool so I can get some exercise, and one night at my aunt's house. I hope that one goes OK.

I was molested when I was about 10 years old and the only lasting result is I can't take a shower unless I feel completely safe. So I'll get one shower this week at the hotel.

I need to go through all my things, download more meditation and feel-good songs on my ipod. Grab my sleep mask. My knitting project. Find everything that I can take on the road.

ETA:  I added songs to my ipod, check for the right cords, car charger, etc.  Computer and cord - the hotel has wifi.  I will get a lot of support and find relief checking in.  Getting upset about my fiance coming home from work.  :(

Posted 12/29/2011 12:19 PM (GMT 0)
I slept for 14 hours straight. Feeling a little better. I just got home from an hour at the gym. Weightlifting mostly. My fabulous fiance worked on laundry last night.  (He is probably angry with me)  I did a little bit more and am still packing for this trip. My bag is almost done, just starting my son's bag. I don't really have anything to pack it into and that is stressing me out. 


I have to work a couple of hours this morning. I hope I have time to sleep afterwards! A therapy appointment and then leave!

Posted 12/29/2011 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tortoise,

My, you have a lot on your plate. I hope you have a good trip~great suggestions by CapninHapnin for the road trip.

Missing doses of our meds is definitely not a good thing so try your best to get back on track with that, drink lots of water and get lots of sleep but also a lot of relaxation right now. Good for you for going to the gym :)

Take it easy my friend, hoping you feel better soon.

Hugs,
Mogs
Posted 12/30/2011 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Good luck with your trip. Travelling to see family is always stressful. But it sounds like you have a solid plan and are organized. I hope all goes well:)

xoxo
B
Posted 12/31/2011 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
My mom backed out of hotel. I was devastated at the ttime. I will be in a room quite comfortable, BUT there are 2 people sleeping right outside the room so I can't leave the room. And 1 is sleeping right by the computer so no online support tonight. The worst part for me is that my ipod has gone missing. I am refusing to admit it probably didn't get into the car. I rely on the musci to soother me to sleep. I do have a blankie and my sleep mask. Am hoping for the best.

I had a REALLY BAD day. Snow and getting in a car accident stretched out the 9 hour drive to over 12 hours. I was back and forth between the urge to emotional eat and feeling nauseated when we stopped for food. I did take my meds. My kid slept all day in the car and is LOUD an hyper.

I sent off an emotional message to my fiance on facebook from my phone. He didn't get it. Probably good. I was feeling very strongly that he was happy to get rid of me and I was thinking that he would not want me to stay living with him when I get back.

I'm very relieved to get to stop online here. I feel on the verge of happy tears. Getting emotional again! I will have to go to bed very soon.

Thank you for your kind words. 1 day of visiting and 1 day driving home. In a way I am happy that my fiance is not witnessing my half-medicated recovery state. 2 more day - maybe my meds will be working 100% by the time I get home?
Posted 12/31/2011 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
I woke up at 8:30, got up for a bit and went back to bed.  I was feeling weak and unsteady.  I was having dreams about being physically sick, vomitting.  I woke up at 11.  Everyone was gone.  Didn't say where they went and I don't care!  So happy to be alone.  I should probably get dressed now.  I want to go back to sleep though.

I DID take my meds this morning.

Posted 1/2/2012 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
I arrived home about midnight - after 12+ hours of driving. My mom insisted on driving. And drove 20 to 30 mph BELOW the speed limit. I was so frustrated and I am still angry.

I am better. I'm having a hard time concentrating today. I'm at work waiting for a dog to dry off so I can go home. Planning on taking my son to a movie today.
Posted 1/6/2012 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not as better as I thought I was. I am trying to work more. I was down to under 5 hrs per week from 15 ish. I don't know if that is the problem. Going to the gym late has been a problem. I hate going in the morning, so much easier to leae my son at home and go in the evening, but it's a problem for sleep and then mood.

Tomorrow we are going to a big aquarium! I have never been to one before and I'm happy for it. That doesn't mean I'm not anxious.

I'm going to go take as much Klonopin as I can and still walk (stumble) and go to bed. I'm so done with today.
Posted 1/7/2012 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Tortoise, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I see the need for additional sleep to restore the feeling tone. An automobile
accident is one terrific stressful incident, and it takes time to recover.

Try to sleep as much as possible in the next several days to get the balance back.

Take care.

I.G.
Posted 1/7/2012 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
I took more Klonopin than usual, got a long nap. Took a while for the groggy/stumbliness to wear off but doing OK. I want to say it is "just anxiety", but I did get a complete mood swing in today, thankfully retained enough self-control to not spend money.

I am selling a couple poor choice / manic purchases to my neighbor. Going to go deliver them tonight. I will feel lots better. I started cleaning out bathroom cabinets, eeding out things we have never used. Trying to make my spending spree stuff not look too over the top.

Thank you IG. You are right that sleep is needed. I will try to go to be soon here since tomorrow will be stressful.
Posted 1/7/2012 4:09 AM (GMT 0)
Wow Tortoise, what a rollercoaster, but you seemed to have your strength underneath all of it and that saw you through.

Your Mum sounds like mine - totally impossible to work with. Some people just are.

It seems like you are on the mend and that brings a smile to my face.

One foot in front of the other soldier gal x
Posted 1/7/2012 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Be careful with the Klonopin...it makes me realxed but when it wears off, I am a total b**ch..

I hope rollercoaster slows down now that you are home and stay true to your meds.

Take care and welcome home
Maggie
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