WE ARE BIPOLAR AND WE ARE BLESSED

I wish you would all be quiet and let me talk :) Ok good night all... Hope to have some interesting conversations with you and hopefully more of people like us... I will get everyone on here thinking of a rainbow at the same time and see if we can envelope the earth with beauty :)

Thanks IG, I think we can tend to forget the cognitive and energetic components of bipolar. I had no idea that my fatigue or my cognitive deterioration was actually symptoms of bipolar - and I've studied psychology at uni - and worked on the ground for 20 years, without knowing this! :O (I know - a very embarrassing admission as a human service worker). I had no idea that I was bipolar. I simply thought mood disorder only meant disorder in mood. I didn't really have a concept of what mania. I had seen it in my unmedicated bipolar mother but didn't know it wasn't normal. I'm learning what is hypomania in me is still not enough for normal function, so it doesn't seem hypomanic. My mum didn't get the fatigue, just was a harmful crazy lady. You say my illness is a severe type and that actually brings me great joy. My illness is what it is - and I like to be able to think that other bipolars may not suffer quite as much. My pdoc is confident my memory loss and asphasia is related to the bipolar, just is my magical thinking. She does believe that my fatigue is related to chronic fatigue as well as bipolar, because it is like nothing she has ever seen in all her years practicing. She was thinking for me to get tested for dementia at the end of last year for the memory loss to rule that out. Because I can't tolerate medications, I also get delirium from trying to treat my bipolar. My pdoc was also wanting me to get tested for epilepsy because the muscle jerks are so bad they can partially lift me off the bed. So, yeah, I'm more than happy for anyone to feel their bipolar is a gift. I just don't think my symptoms and the difficulty in managing them will have me joining that camp anytime soon ;).

I think you have raised an important point - and that is trauma. I believed since a very little girl, that mental illness didn't just fall on people, it was triggered by trauma. I have since learnt there is a much more biological and sometimes genetic basis to some mental illness. Would my brother and I still have got bipolar if our parents had been treated? Them not being treated certainly impacted on us significantly. I believe that predisposition to bipolar was sparked in us, many times over. I have met people who have also been viciously raped and beaten throughout their childhood. I haven't met one who will never be right in the head, either. Bipolar, Borderline and PTSD seem like common denominators to grown up children of significant abuse, especially in the family, as the abuse is generally entrenched and there is no one safe to put an end to the abuse. Family members can be quite complicit and abusers quite dominant and self-righteous. Grown up child victims often have to go through live without a safe family that buffers many people from the hardest of life knocks. Family fragmentation and broken trust relationships in childhood often brings a lifetime of social isolation and distrust.

I also get delirium from Seroquel which helps hose down PTSD hyperadrenalin reactions, so the post PTSD fatigue, depression and impaired cognition is not so bad. It also helps stop the nightmares.

I have spoken about my abuse. I don't know whether any more counselling could help. I think counselling is vital in lowering the impact of trauma on one's psyche.

I'm hypomanic, so excuse my verbose post.

LOL... Nope. I have always thought like this just dont put it down or tell others unless in jest as a joke.. some get it some dont.. all minds are diff my friend. when im depressed I could not come up with a thought on how to pick my nose. I really should just be starting other thread topics but am in lazy mode. I see my logic.. remember geniuses talk about ideas, normal people talk about current events and dumb people talk about other people :) Not calling you dumb just trying to start a fire in someones mind. I have watched every movie ever made. On to being more social to other bp people. My logic is undeniable ;)

I have been legally diagnosed bipolar and do know the depressions so I thought I was in the right place. Is this only when we are depressed? when we are happy but have alot of questions is this the right place? All the other fill in is getting to know me.

Im sorry IG... I am not ignoring you or being insensitive to your situation. When I read your post Im speechless and would not know what to say if I tried. which is a first for me :) I pray that God shows you mercy and blesses you the rest of your life ..

It's not for us to call each other on our symptoms but you do seem very fragmented atm mechanical horse. Religiosity is another symptom of unmedicated mental illness.

IG, I was just resting myself... even though it is just passed midday here! My dad rang, so that was worth waking up for :)

I really hope medicine keeps moving towards a symptom-based approach because as this board alone shows, our experiences are so rich in diversity although we are all grouped under the same collective label.

You might find reading a little on transcendentalism might change your approach to your thinking and feeling about your spirituality.

Your posts are remarkably similar to those of another person who

posted on the Depression Forum many months ago.  I hope that you are not that person, genuinely.  The conversation did not remain on a high intellectual level; you deserve a better response than the one that had to be given to that "character".

I am absolutely out of here for tonight!

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 1/28/2012 10:31:03 PM (GMT-7)

touche... nope never posted a day in my life before now... never had anyone worth talking to till now!

that message was actually for you for the apology living well. I cant relate to not wanting to expand the spiritual side of me also.... I thought we were supposed to have balance.

 

  That worries me, that you think you can control manias. Im very successful at running my life and in my case i dont believe i have control, i have a truce of sorts with mania. It doesnt bother me and i dont go poking it with a stick. 

   Hypomania is what i enjoy, its kinda a nice pick me up most days, but in my case it isnt to the extreme.

   It sounds like you are really in a mania, you are claiming you can turn it off and on, (thats not how it works, but the illusion that you are in control is a huge sign you are manic).  You claim to be able to work E=MC squared into your own theories, again thats the sign of a out of control mania. You have posted here many times in a 24 hour period, thats a sign of mania.

   You can feel your brain building new connections. I understand this also. I have felt my brain on fire with new ideas, creativity, religiously, love, and sex drive. But after it was all over i felt worn out and spent. Your body cant handle that much energy without going into overdrive. I've lived with and fought this beast for 3 plus years now, others here for so much longer. All of us recognize that you are in a true mania. You need to get help to settle you down and getting you under control.

   You can enjoy a hypomanic lifestyle,  i live it every day, its a great feeling. But on a scale of one to ten, with ten being full manias, and one being none i live around a 3-5. Actually at a five i start to take meds.

   Take care of yourself, or the crash that is coming is going to be very bad for you.

   Bill

Kidneys metabolise lithium - often vital for the management of bipolar. Kidney and Liver issues can make one's experience of bipolar much worse unfortunately :(

And I am getting that you are telling me you cant think your way into depression or happiness.... I can depress my self quick so maybe its just me... in the same sense I can make myself happy... who is sane? the one that thinks something is impossible or the one that that sees possibilty in everything... Ok... just call me a very big Optimistic person will that conform to societies norms?