Living Well said...
Thanks IG, I think we can tend to forget the cognitive and energetic components of bipolar. I had no idea that my fatigue or my cognitive deterioration was actually symptoms of bipolar - and I've studied psychology at uni - and worked on the ground for 20 years, without knowing this! :O (I know - a very embarrassing admission as a human service worker). I had no idea that I was bipolar. I simply thought mood disorder only meant disorder in mood. I didn't really have a concept of what mania. I had seen it in my unmedicated bipolar mother but didn't know it wasn't normal. I'm learning what is hypomania in me is still not enough for normal function, so it doesn't seem hypomanic. My mum didn't get the fatigue, just was a harmful crazy lady. You say my illness is a severe type and that actually brings me great joy.
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I had a thought about
your cognitive deterioration when I was reading your posts. I've also noticed more word retrieval problems and memory problems over the past year. It's possible that I was already experiencing these problems earlier. I might just be more aware of these problems now that I'm medicated and can reflect on my thoughts more.
There are definitely memory problems that come along with having PTSD. Those memory problems were adaptive when we were younger and needed to forget trauma in order to survive in a world we couldn't really control. Since our brains became so good at forgetting things, it's possible that we are susceptible to more cognitive deficits later on in our lives.
This is just an idea I had. I haven't researched it.
My PTSD symtoms are the hardest to control compared to how I deal with mania, hypomania, and depression. I think that's because PTSD and especially complex PTSD, isn't really treated with medication (at the moment) that well.
That said, if cognitive deterioration is a result of PTSD it is possible that healing can play a role in helping our brains repair. Research does show that therapy changes how our brains work. So working on acceptance and integration might alleviate further cognitive deterioration.
Unrelated, I also studied psychology and was only one credit away from being a clinical psychologist. So I can relate to feeling embarrassed that I didn't see the signs sooner. I remember sitting with my DSM-IV and being in complete panic a week before my psychiatric evaluation.
Reading the diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and even Dissociate Identity Disorder just seemed so familiar to me. I've studied the DSM-IV and knew the diagnostic criteria. But I was always looking at them as an objective professional looking at others rather than examining my own life