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Posted 3/25/2005 11:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone,

I have read about bipolar in books etc until I'm pink in the face. I don't know what the statistics say about how many people suffer from bipolar but I have never met anyone (that I know of) who suffers from it. Not that I'm open and ready to talk about it to whomever I meet. So if you don't mind I would love to hear your story. I know I'm not the only one but sometimes it feels like it. I suppose I would just like to see that other people are going through similar things to me and not just read it from a book. Like: I find it hard to get out of bed sometimes for no particular reason!! Sometimes when the tomato sauce bottle wont open I cry!! I could drink a bottle and a half of bourbon and it wouldn't effect me much. The fact that I drank a bottle and a half of bourbon. That I used to get no essence of guilt and no thought of consequence until I started on Lithium. Now Im putting on weight, get fine motor tremors sometimes and have lost my "fire". I was diagnosed just over a year ago.

Would love to hear your thoughts and feelings.         Loo. :-)

 

Posted 3/27/2005 3:59 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Loo

Welcome to Healingwell. I was dx with bipolar 1 almost 6 years ago. It's been a battle but after 4 years I got on the right combo of med and that pretty much stablized me.

Like most other people with bipolar I had my life turned upside down by it. I lost a job I loved because of bipolar. But since I've been stable I've gotten another job and am able do my job every day with very little problems.

 A lot of people when they hear the word mania they think it's all fun and games. Most of the time my mania's come out very angry. I've had some fun mania but mostly they got me in trouble. I've been in partial hospitalization twice. The first time for 3 weeks and the second time for 9 weeks.

When I go through depression I have a hard time getting out of bed too. Luckly I haven't had bad depression in quite a while.

Posted 3/28/2005 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Loo,

I do not have full blown bipolar I. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and mostly suffer from the depression and the moodswings. My mania is not extreme, and never goes above having a bunch of ideas and plans that I am unable to finish.

I did loose a job to it though and that was rough on me. I never thought I would ever be asked to resign. I'm still very bitter.

My mother suffers from bipolar I, her disease consists of being fine and within a day advancing to psychosis. During that time my family learned all they could about the disease and got her on track.

My brother is currently bipolar "diagnosed by me". He's been hit in the head several times and I think that has triggered something. But he's lost all his inhibitions, would drink and drive, would stay up all night and not need sleep, leased a mercedes that he couldn't afford, bought a corvet, he was seriously going to take some issue to washington, totally conviced of something. He did have alot of gambling issues, and drove recklessly. I'm having a lot of trouble because my parents refuse to believe he needs treatment, because his illness is not like my mom's presented. The funny thing is my brother knows he's bipolar, yet has so much fun "why would you do something to make it end". He does go into depressions though and I just don't know what to do with him. I never seen my dad so sick when I told him directly that his son was bipolar and needs help. And I will never do it again.


But as far as myself. I have the worst trouble when I'm depressed. I'm currently under control with my bipolar issue. But I have been where I could not get out of bed, and even to the point where I had impulses to take my life. Those times are few and far between, yet very scary when they do happen.

When I'm not controlled my moods will swing constantly and I will end up severely depressed. For bipolar I'm currently on Lamictal, zoloft and Klonopin.

That's my long story in short version.
Posted 3/29/2005 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi! New to this forum, or any kind. No support groups for bipolar in my area. I was diagnosed BP II 15 years ago (I'm 40), now BP I. I have struggled with the symptoms since teenage years.

I have done crazy, dangerous things my whole life and constantly seeking adventure. Spending out of control. Anger disorder big time and the worst to me was the horrible constant irritability.

Obviously, I tried lithium and didn't like it, and quit. I just thought "I don't have this, it's ridiculous". I went for 10 years without treatment. I was a darn good nurse; I loved it, so I thought I was doing well. My problem is mostly mania. For me, it was constant hobbies which were obsessions, overspending (we are now bankrupt), always being incredibly irritable and angry. YOu can imagine my poor husband! He has stuck by me for 10 years, until I got stable last year. After being unable to work from the psychosis for 3 years, I finally agreed to get on medication and stay.

I was put on Seroquel and Depakote and I crashed immediately. Was in bed for 2 months, barely able to acheive a shower. Just thought about suicide 24/7. Little by little, I got better and better. Now I'm on Seroquel, Trileptal, Lamictal and Welbutrin and doing great. The only problem is it's precarious; too much stress sends me flying, so I always have extra seroquel to take when that happens. I can't tolerate Lithium or depakote. Trileptal does pretty well for me. I'm extremely sensitive to sun/lack of sun, so have to be careful.

I have never been stable in my life and I love it!!! My husband and I are like 2 young lovers, always together, excellent sex life and best friends. I still don't work, though, too sensitive to stress, so pdoc ordered no work - fine with me! I have never not worked, but I love it.

I never thought it possible to feel this way, I just couldn't get through the crashes before, becuase I had to work.

Sorry to bore you all with the details but it's really great to be able to talk to others who don't judge you and know first hand the great mania, irritability, deep dark depressions, creativity etc.

It seems that bipolar is becoming the mental illness du jour, at least here. This really aggravates me because it gives the impression that it's common and easily remedied with Lithium. People don't understand the complexity of BP. Have any of you seen this happening?

Oh, well, thanks for listening!
Posted 3/29/2005 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
Psych nurse,

I think it great what you have accomplished and overcome. I think it is a tough road to follow and it scares me to think what it may be like. But your story gives me hope for a bright future as long as I stick to the meds.

Thank you for sharing.

And I see people not understanding ALL the time. And I get soooo frustrated.
Posted 3/29/2005 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Danarx, I'm sorry to find that you have lupus on top of BP. Are you stable yet? I find that it is a constant responsibility to immediately note a change (little irritable, too tired) that goes on more than a few days and call the doc. I usually don't notice the indications of hypomania immediately (of course!) but I have my husband watch me, and he's an expert!! If you get it before it's full blown you'll have better control over being stable. Also, I'm sure you and others know it may be a med change every once in a while. It took me every stabilizer, several atypicals, and since I get manic immediately on SSRIs, depression was awful until I got on Lamictal. Welbutrin didn't do anything by itself. You have to find the right cocktail and it takes a lot of time for some, especially the rapid cyclers. What is your story?
Posted 3/30/2005 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
Pnurse,

I posted a little of my story higher up. But I am 26, and a pharmacist. I was diagnosed with bipolar II as I was going through pharmacy school. It's funny my grades were always either A's and B's or failing. A lot of days I couldn't get out of bed to go to class. The only reason I passed my pharmacokinetics class is because my friend liz invited me over to watch animal planet and study. I otherwise would have just been brain dead to it, because my mind was not letting me understand. And all I wanted to do was hide and sleep. To this day I am grateful for her.

My mania consists of just being really happy. I went through a period of time where I was very preachy. I was high on life. I have a tendency to get really ambitious, with work, school, and just about everything. I often would think I could do miraculous things, like find a cure for bipolar disorder (since my mom had a lot of trouble), I was charity fundraiser co-chair for a service fraternity and thought I could make lots of money by doing rediculous things. But by the time it came to doing it, I was so depressed that I fell on my face. Then my moods would cycle throughout the day every day.

But I was mostly very depressed. Any time that I was suicidal, it was not "I don't deserve to live", it was very impulsive like having visions of stabbing myself and I just made sure I stayed out of the kitchen, or driving my car into traffic. I also had a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I have since then found a good combination of drugs. Right now (and I'm sure things may change) I'm on Lamictal - which seems to be the best for me. I've tried neurontin (made me fall and forget things), welbutrin (made me suicidal), paxil (gave me shakes, and dry mouth real bad), and topamax (I forgot how to get to work one time - that was the end of that). My antidepressant right now is zoloft, which will not work by itself, but I've tried to get off and it's not working.

I was diagnosed with lupus in May of last year. It was really hard for me. I was having pain in my joints and sleeping all the time (and I was genuinely tired, not just not wanting to get out of bed). I luckily went to a good doc and she tested my ANA which was 1:1280. She called my psychiatrist to see if stopping my lamictal might help - being drug induced. When that didn't work I was sent to a rhematologist and I tested positive for tests that were confimative. But since I was off my lamictal at that time I was convinced I didn't need it and I had a glimmer of hope that it was still drug induced and not full blown lupus. Even though the presence of anti-ds-dna antibodies pretty much confirmed that wasn't the case. So not being on lamictal, I went into a suicidal episode, and was forced to resign from a pharmacy residency I was doing for people who did not understand.

I struggle with lupus too. It is scary all of the things that can happen with it. The lupus message board is actually very active and supportive here. I hoping that the bipolar one will come around.

But right now, I am working part time for walgreens, am sad I had to leave a job I loved, am thinking about having kids with my husband (which is going to be reeeeeaaaallllyyy hard with both lupus and bipolar - I have antibodies that can cause stroke and third trimester abortions from the lupus, and want to get off the meds for bipolar when I'm pregnant), but I'm ready for the challenge.

Thanks
Posted 3/30/2005 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, you really have a lot on your plate! I'm surprised you are able to work between the two. Your ANA is off the charts! We had a few patients we diagnosed with lupus before sending them to Rheumatologists and I always felt so bad for them. Horrible. Are you being treated with steroids? Or is there something else now? It's been awhile.

I know what you mean about the grandiose thoughts! I am queen of those LOL! About 10 years ago, I started buying horses (we really did not have the money for that!!) and by the 4th one I bought a thoroughbred right off the track and trained him myself and actually showed him (jumper) and did quite well. I was so obsessed that every waking minute of my time when not at work was at the stables, training and riding until 10:00 every night. This went on for 6 years! I spent an enormous amount of money, then I just suddently lost interest as I do with obsessions. Then it was the occult (not devil worship!!). I studied hard and believed I had special powers and connections with beyond. I was seriously losing touch with reality, but all the while excelling at my job as a nurse. Go figure. This went on another 4-5 years. Since I got stable I don't really get obsessions to that point anymore, but when I am interested in something I try very hard to master it quickly. I don't know if that will ever change.

It's a weird disorder, for sure.

Oh, as far as topomax, we used to call it "dopomax" LOL! I definitely would never go off Lamictal - it has really saved me from those dark, horrible depressions. I never had depressions that bad until I got on mood stabilizers.
Posted 3/30/2005 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
Psychnurse,

I sounds like you have been through a lot too. As far as my lupus. They caught it REALLY early and am currently only on plaquenil and aspirin for lupus. I hoping not to go on pred, but not sure how long I will be able to keep that up.

Thanks for asking, you are a great asset to this message board.
Posted 4/16/2005 3:24 AM (GMT 0)

Dana and Psychnurse: I really enjoyed 'listening' into your conversation threads as I'm trying to learn more about BP as my brother is in a manic phase right now ... have no idea where he is sleeping or eating as he has no money so I don't know what he is doing right now.

The common thread I am sensing however, with both of your BP problems and Dana, your Lupus is that I have in common. I have Crohn's, IBS, migrains, anxiety disorder and Fibromyalgia and have a hard time functioning most days, getting to work, taking care of my kids (I'm a single mom) and finding the right cocktail of meds that you refer to. I wish you both the very best and acknowldge how hard these diseases are for you - my thoughts and prayers are with you.  Thanks for being you ... Liz

Posted 4/18/2005 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
Lizzo,

Thank you for your sweet post. We all have something in common. Iam actually having similar difficuties with my brother as well. And I know it so hard with someone you love so much. You just want to wake them up to reality.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Mine are with you also.
Posted 6/27/2007 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everybody!

I hope you are all doing well. I personally have not been dxed with a bipolar disorder nor do I suspect that I may have it. However, I'm very concerned for a close personal friend. Actually, he is a lot more than a friend. Him and I dated for more than a year and a half, and we consider ourselves each other's first love. Recently, unfortunately, he has been acting very strangely. For a long while, all he wanted to do when we hung out (which was pretty much constantly) was lay around and watch movies. When we first started hanging out, he was always the first one to come up with something to do, so I thought this was a little strange. He also has become very irritable. If even minor events don't go his way, he gets grumpy and shuts down. Nobody can pull him out of it...not even me. One night, after watching Gladiator at my house, he had a complete breakdown. He was saying really scary things about how he doesn't know who he is anymore and alluded to suicide (although he did not say he had plans to commit it). Of course, I was petrified. I didn't know what to do so I called his sister for help. She was worried, and called his mom. His mom kept an eye on him for the night to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself. The next morning he broke up with me. His parents were extremely concerned because they knew that he loved me a lot. They called me and after discussing it, they decided that they wanted him to recieve treatment. He convinced them that if he didn't get back to his old self in the next few weeks, he would get help. It's almost three months later, he is still acting strangely and has not recieved help. I'm extremely concerned for him. His sister and I have spent time researching his symptoms on the internet, and it seems that he is displaying several symptoms of possible suicide. I would never forgive myself if he hurt himself. I love him very much despite all this. I was just wondering if any of you guys had any tips on how to handle the situation. I am pretty desperate here.

Thanks in advance

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