HELP!!! I Think I Might Be Bipolar :(

I have been having anger and behaviour problems for about a year or two now and they've progressively gotten worse. When I get angry, I throw everything in my room and I go crazy. I once cut my leg open just to try and frame my parents for it :( At one point I actually started becoming paranoid and seeing and hearing things but it soon went away after I saw a psychiatrist. She said that I was a smart *** and a very smart kid in general so I was playing my parents (in other words, faking it). The behaviour and anger has never stopped though, I threaten to kill people and I even hurt my brothers and sisters because of my problems. At one point, I'll be really bouncy and high but minutes later, I'll come crumbling down into a depressed young teen. I'm not fooling around though, when I am in one of these states, I look as though I am possessed (I know that is definitely not the case, but it sure looks like it!) So with all these mood changes and weird things happening, I think I may be bipolar. I'm always getting obsessed with things and people and I continue to go on and on and on about these things. I rush into massive projects and ideas without thinking and I never end up finishing any of them. I'm loosing friends and becoming really risky. My whole school persona has changed, all I want to do is get in trouble. I'm constantly looking for fame and all I want is to be famous and I think that I am somewhat special compared to everybody else :( I get really depressed at some points and I just think....theres no escape from this madness. I cannot tell my parents this as they think I am playing them and I have no idea what to do... I feel as though I'm happy on the outside, but on the inside I'm dying. On the outside I'm invincible but on the inside, everyone is out to get me and I'm petrified of the world I live in. Please help me...I'm not too sure what to do anymore :(

Your situation sounds so similar to mine when I was young, I think it's great that you are aware of what's going on and able to discuss it. That is so important, I was not able to do that as a kid. It sounds like your still a teenager?? I'm guessing. It's very difficult to dx'ed a teenager with Bipolar disorder as it's so close to what the teenage hormones can do to a kid. This is what I was told in my college psychology class. You do need to see someone to get the help you need. But, it sounds like it might have to happen later down the road for you. Just keep your chin up and try to hang in there until you can get the help you need. Maybe ask to see a counsler just to talk and try it more casually first. It's important to build a relationship with your counsler. Sometimes when you hit bottom and then get help the help you get doesn't go in the right direction and adjustments need to be made until they get it right.

Good Luck to you!
-Jeny

This is really embarrassing to admit, butat some points I shove my head in my pillow every night, hoping I'll suffocate :( With my obsessions, I'll be obsessed one minute and then a month or so later, I'm obsessed with something new. The goals I set for myself are WAY TOO high, I try to become famous constantly, it's all I care about. I talk 100 miles an hour and my thoughts race like crazy, I cannot even tell what I'm thinking about. These periods last for about 1 month each, I'll be depressed and all I can think about what the world would be like without me. Then the next month, I'll be crazy at school and I'll be all hyper :(
39 minutes ago

I thought I recognized u..but didn't want to call u out on the Crohn's thing ;) I was dx'ed 3 years ago with BP and it took me about 6 months to get regulated on my meds. I haven't had a manic episode in 2 years...woohoo!!! thank you abilify!!! i used to go hypermanic (sp?) i think that's right on what's it's called. Anyway, I would listen to tortoise if I were u..she's a smart lady ;) I think i might go to this mood tracker too...this might be good for me as well. :)

Take Care!