Worried my husband may be bipolar

There's no one who can answer your question online. However, you only listed two things: anger and emotional abuse. We see a lot of spouses come in here with bipolar spouses, diagnosed or not. Your story reads much differently than theirs. However, that doesn't mean that he cannot have bipolar disorder.

If he isn't accepting treatment, the situation will only get worse. I don't think you need a diagnosis for to be able to protect youself and your children.

I would like to suggest the possibility that you want him to have bipolar disorder because you are afraid of the implications of him being an abuser - without the "excuse" or explanation of a mental illness.

Please put your children's needs first. You know what you need to do.
XOXO

Fed up wife:
I know where you are coming from...I noticed in the sign up process, that the forum was started for people who suffer from bipolar disorder, so this might not be the best place for you to be venting, and if the rules have changed, you may need to start your own forum somewhere. First of all I am here for basically the same reason as you. But my way if dealing with a bipolar husband isn't only for chat and comfort. In the past twenty years I have been in relationships with two bipolar (diagnosed) men. Don't ask me how, but i think the "good actor" which was a trait mentioned your letter, plays a part. I come from a strong stable family, and this is a tough topic to deal with. Although my previous marriage broke up over such extreme behavior as you mentioned in your own post, I am currently living with my second bipolar.I was disheartened to read the previous response posts which i found very unhelpful for someone such as yourself who is obviously crying out for help. While I am not a formal counselor, and cannot diagnose anyone, I have a Master's Degree in education and have 15 years of family counseling and co-dependant substance abuse therapy under my belt, and have led and co-facilitated numerous support groups for victims of domestic violence and families of substance abusers. I have done extensive research on bipolar disorder. The worst advice you can get is from people who do not realize the stress loved ones of a person suffering from a mental illness goes through. Because the focus is often on the illness, family members bear the emotional burden of the entire ordeal on their backs. Yes, bipolar disorder is tough on the affected. Yes, they have to deal with it, and learn to accept themselves for who they are, even in a weakened mental state. But it is their family who must cope with the manic episodes, sometimes violent behavior, excessive spending, often exaggerated sexual permiscuousness, and multiple infidelities, unexplainable episodes of emotional outbursts, or depression so debilitating the bipolar cannot get out of bed for days. My husband is one of the most caring, lovong, compassionate people you could ever meet. When I met him, he was on the upswing, and was cool headed, an encourager, who made me feel on top of the world, and he appeared t worship the ground I walked on. I was to find out later, his mother had a history of mental illness, and had abandoned him as a child, when she again retrieved him from a relative at age 4, and took him into an abusive relationship, she was often found sobbing uncontrollably, in the corner at her home. My husband knew growing up, there was something wrong.e would also have emotional outbursts. He started showing symptoms of his own in his twenties, and substance abuse became his coping mechanism. All of the traits you have described are traits of bipolar disorder, although there are many varying kinds. As high as 80 percent of men in prison for violent crimes are diagnosed Bipolar, ADD, or a similar mental illness. In many cases more than one. Reasoning won't work. But I will tell you this. ..Pack a bag with you and your children's clothes in it. Make a plan. Put away money a little at a time, if necessary to help you later. Keep it somewhere you can get to it quickly, and when you get a chance, leave before your spouse does something he cannot take back. You do not have to get a divorce. Maintain phone contact if you want to. But DO NOT return until he seeks serious help. Even then he will need coping tools well in place before you could even consider it. Even if he does not seek a diagnosis, you must still deal with him the same way. If he is bipolar, he cannot change with out counseling, and medication to help keep him balanced and manage his life. If he is NOT bipolar, he still cannot change without sincere effort on his part. He MUST accept responsibility for his behavior. Good luck and hope this advice helps.

Hello, Fedupwife, and wlecome to the Bipolar Forum.

Bill,Angie, and Wifeofbipolar, are all right in their evaluations, in my view.

You know that the little child in your husband is responsible for all the commotion, violence, and rages. Somehow, that little one needs to be calmed, made to feel secure, and to realize more about himself than he is even mildly aware of now.

He needs to be stabilized. If he is a drinker, you need to impress upon him the dangers that you see in drinking and that he has a strong chemical imbalance.

Will he listen to you if you present it to him as a biological thing and not as a personal problem? It's easier for someone who is behaving like a child to be told that his chemistry might be out of whack than to make it a personal problem--which he will reject immediately.

Somehow, you've got to get him into therapy, because bipolar illness gets worse if it's untreated and it can cause damage to layers of the brain making it impossible to restore the individual to health. The same thing is true of alcoholism--it causes irreparable damage unless it's stopped in time.

Both illnesses are capable of causing insanity.

Try to get him to accept the view that his chemistry is out of balance.

It's Genetic