allergic reaction and trippin'

I was prescribed Etodolac, an anti-inflammatory for my torn rotater cuff. I took it along with regular meds plus a slew of vitamins.

Started driving to library and street lights looked like suns with ten foot rays. Speedometer numbers blurred to dull orange glow. I told hubby, I couldn't drive. We went straight home. I threw up and shivered and itched. I took it easy for two hours. Then we drove around the block to see if I was still screwy. I seemed ok so we headed to run three errands.

At Wal-mart I yelled instead of speaking and cursed a lot and talked to myself. My palms were sweating and I was upset when the elderly check out lady started into a long conversation in a bird like tone to my husband. I slumped over the cart and said...you know, we'll have to get on with this, I am sick. I yelled 'obstruction!' if there was a cart left in the middle of the aisle. I was afraid of cops and people butting up to my back end on the way home. I could not understand why the stop signs were out of place. My husband helped me drive home by giving me directions. I wasn't hallucinating, but I felt like I was not in my body...like I was just a sheer slip.

I apologized to my husband for being obnoxious but not for being wierd because I could not help that. I am still nauseated and irritated and my hands look like something alien as I type this.

I had an allergic reaction to Etodolac. It happens to 1 pct of the population. I hate medication but I am grateful to it...I guess. To be perfectly honest, I don't notice any difference in me on the meds I take...not including the stupid e toad ilac. Threw that stuff in the garbage. Stupid urgent care dr.

*** is wrong with me? Why am I in this body, in this world full of loud noises and I feel like I'm dreaming all this. I just don't get my existance and I feel like a loser. I am getting weirder as I get older. Who will ever hire me. I will have to act hard to be normal. I just want to stay home and write poems and do art but that doesn't make money. I feel fcked.

Hypo-manic again. Energy levels prepared for take-off. Then recover about three days where I can't do much of anything. Not so much moods..but energetic swings. Is this bipolar? Full moon? Over sensitivity person with extreme empathic and Clair-sentient abilities? Husband said I was moderately moody...not horrible...but I snap.

Ever wish you could go to a luxurious hospital for a week and get straightened out and pampered with massage and cool lemon waters and people that take care of you? But psyche hospitals are always pretty awful with people alot worse off than me. When can I just die?

Post Edited (red lightening) : 6/5/2012 3:00:47 AM (GMT-6)

Deep sigh, Ilmsct...your words have covered me in a warm vanilla sauce and I feel wrapped in a cocoon of sanity. Thanks for talking to me.

I am feeling like a fish just caught, facing death, then thrown back into the icy waters of life...except I already feel gutted. It is more a physical, rather than an emotional flux. Went to a 5:30 am meeting and I started laughing and crying at the same time because things were tragically overwhelming, yet hilarious all at once. Especially the snoring strip club limo driver who kept huffing, yawning and scratching in his sleep. He'd driven Vegas crazy tourists around all night. Then my husband began to subtly imitate him to get me going and then I began hysterically laughing followed by tumultuous tears. I had to excuse myself and go out for a smoke on the patio.

Now I am urgently assessing whether to have coffee with my normal, earth type, new Mommy neighbor. We had plans in an hour or so. I do not want her to feel sorry for me. However she does this cool Jesus praying thing where she goes into this trance state and sings like a melody angelic all over me. I think Jesus was a pretty hip dude and all but I wear my spirituality loose so nothing sticks that isn't true. I borrow from everywhere and make up my own mind. But the praying under her rainbow light feels like doing a slow dance at the skating rink when they black out the lights.

I just get scared people will think I'm a freak. But one good thing is...she has always been nice to me...and the best thing is...when you are bipolar...you don't ever get asked to babysit! Thank the Lord and Lady. Not that I don't like kids...just don't like most of them for too long!

Thanks sweetie!