Help for spouse of bipolar...it is destroying me.

Hello,

This is my first post and I'm a bit nervous cause my partner is right outside and I'm desperate to just express my devastation and sadness without getting in trouble (she will escalate any attempts at communication).

I don't know what to do. I feel so abused and I've completely lost my ability to function in my life. She is so insensitive, disrespectful, nasty, mean, twists every word that comes out of my mouth and then yells at me before walking out on me. It's been so bad that I have considered suicide, as she leaves me feeling like the crazy one and totally disconnected from "her" reality. I'm broken in every way and broke. At the same time, I fantasize about leaving for a hotel or even sleeping in my car, cause anything is better than the constant pain that comes from living with her mania.

I don't know if she is in full blown mania, although she is bipolar 1 and has been hospitalized several times before we met. Even so, if its just hypo-mania its almost worst cause it seems normal to other people, except that I absorb the downside of her character and selfishness. She is at the prime now... having been "high" for almost two years... she flew threw school, got a great job, and is constantly touting her achievements as if she has a fan club. Everything is about her. I'm just devastated because she has been able to achieve these things with my support... when I met her she was a babbling drunk with little direction and much chaos. NOW, the tables are turned. I gave her my heart and energy and she took it and ran and is pissed off that I'm a "negative drag" and all that comes out of my mouth is mean. She projects me to be the monster she is. And sadly, after three total years with her... sometimes I do act with anger because I am pushed way past my limits. She gives a dog more consistent attention and respect then she does me. Tonight she announced that her coworkers (she is addicted to work) are her family. Not me.

Staying and not breaking the apartment lease and doing things non-impulsively makes sense... Until you feel like everyday you die a bit more and anything has got to be better than taking more emotional abuse and neglect from her. I live in panic, sadness and this relationship has destroyed my self-esteem and I'm out of options...

PLEASE HELP.

Mental illness does not make abusive behavior acceptable. She is responsible for her symptoms and treatment. Without the bipolar partner's commitment to treatment, the relationship is doomed (in my opinion).

It is time to take care of yourself. You are NEVER truly "options".