Rapid cycling, drinking, not sleeping

I am bombarded by anger randomly and I can't get a hold of it.
I had been sober for 3 yrs & relapsed 2 months ago. I went from mixing drinks to drinking straight from the vodka bottle.
My stomach is torn apart, I think about drinking from morning to night
just to try and tame my anger & quieten down the irritability.
Drinking makes me a better, more sociably acceptable person
and I'm not in so much pain when I drink. It's my secret life of survival.
Am I alone?

Chloe43- got major wake up call yesterday at an AA meeting.
Told my partner what I had been hiding- feels like the worst thing
I could have done!
I have a therapist, been in rehab and it doesn't end there. I feel like
I've hit rock bottom, but even in this state with all that I have to lose
I still could throw it all away- I'm totally lost!

I know exactly how you feel.

I drink behind my family's back until I black out. I drink for the numb, as my depression and anger are out of control. I get behind the wheel of my car. As a matter of fact I had a car accident, left the scene, and got arrested two nights ago for DWI. I spent 12 hours in jail while my kids sat at home crying because mommy wouldnt be home to tuck them in for bed.

My life has hit rock bottom and I don't know how to crawl back out. I've tried seeing a shrink, a therapist, family and friends. I drink until I don't remember anymore. I do it everyday and can think of nothing else. The withdrawals I experience the day after a heavy binge are excruciating. I have the shakes, feel ill, can't eat or even function. It's starting to take a toll on my job. I've pretty much demolished my family. My husband is ready to leave me and will most likely try to take the kids.

I hate that someone else is feeling the exact same way I am but feel better to know that I'm not alone.