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Posted 5/20/2013 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hello-

I am looking for advice on how to parent a child (well he is 21 years old) who is depressed/possibly bipolar II.  I feel we have always had a great relationship, but since he has not been feeling great, he feels that I "just don't understand".  Personally, I have had issues with anxiety, so, while I am not suffering from exactly the same thing, I know what it is like to be down and still have to "function" on a daily basis.

We are still working on trying to find the right/combo of meds for him (more than one year and still trying!)- those that have affected his mood in a positive way seem to have side effects that are too tough for him to tolerate- lack of energy, nausea, etc.

It is tough for me to find the right balance between being sympathetic/treading lightly and pushing him to do as much as possible when he is able.  (He recently had to take "deferred" grades in college, and hopefully will complete the semester by the allotted time given.)  He says he is leary of making plans (work, etc.), as he does not know how he is going to feel.  My heart breaks for him- I just want him to be happy!!

Any suggestions?

Thank you!!!

Posted 5/21/2013 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
I think being cautious to make plans is a sign of both responsibility and defeatism/discouragement. I identify with that so much! I have to stay flexible. My work is completely flexible, I set my own hours and I'm by appointment also. My friends are flexible, I am honest with them that I might not be able to follow through on a commitment. I know that my mood and abilities may change dramatically, so I've slowly adjusted my life to accommodate the flux while also not forcing me to withdraw or avoid activities because of the unpredictability.

I could suggest some strategies for him to cope, if you think he would take the advice?
Posted 5/21/2013 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
Chloe-

Thanks so much for your response!  I really appreciate your offer to suggest some coping strategies- problem is that I don't want my son to know that I am posting on this board.  (He has worked with a psychologist, who seems to have taught him some strategies, but he is very private about his issues.)

My concern is that he not use his moods as an excuse all the time (he seems to have no problem getting together with friends, but when it comes to work or school, he cites his moods as a hindrance).  I understand that he needs to be cautious about his plans, but I would love to see him get passed the "what ifs".  This is where I find the dilemma of whether to tread lightly with him, or push him a little bit.  (He has always needed a little push with things he has not wanted to do- homework, etc.,  so I'm not sure how much of this is his "usual" and how much of it is new...)  Also, he is a neuropsychology major, and it seems the more he reads, the more he thinks he suffers from!

  As I said, I just want to see him happy!!

Posted 5/23/2013 3:58 AM (GMT 0)
Parenting is difficult enough without having to deal with the mood disorder but I think you need to stay true to the basics.  Try to keep him focused on His future and making sure he knows that he needs to make it on his own at some point.  You need to make him know that he is to become an independent individual...having a mood disorder does not allow you to become dependent on someone else.  Remind him of all the successful bipolar people there are and that he is capable and will be among them but needs to work at it just like we all do.  It sounds like you have done a great job getting him this far...he is in college that is a great accomplishment in its self. 

Getting the medication correct is important because you don't want it to make him in too much of a fog where he is unable to concentrate but if you have a good doctor they will get it right.  Make sure the doctor listens to you and responds to your concerns if they don't find another one.

Best of luck.

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