Newly diagnosed BP seeking help.

I visited a psychiatrist yesterday for the first time and after an hour and a half of talking and taking tests, I was diagnosed with BP.

I was shocked, it was a lot to take in.

Then the shock wore off and it all made sense. I'm 38yo and I think I've been this way for a very long time.

I always thought that the manic periods of my life was the normal me, then crushing depression ruined the normal me. I longed and strived for the manic periods to feel normal again.

My manic periods are not without problems. I am often reckless and exercise poor judgment.

I'm having a hard time figuring out where to go from here. How do you stop a manic episode? Can you? How do I find balance? Can I?

My mental state over the last three years has declined tremendously. Yesterday's diagnosis was a milestone, I'm finally getting help with what I hope are the right meds. I continue to be terrified that my mind will decline even further.

Thanks, Chloe! :)

I really hope the meds work out for me and it doesn't take long to figure out what works.

Nana,

If I may ask, what meds are you on?

Thanks Happy Bill.

It is a lot to take in. The biggest problem I'm having is overcoming the shame of it, which I know is ridiculous.

I mean no offense to anyone and I'm sure no one is a stranger to the prejudice, but I spent my life thinking that bi-polar meant "crazy" "nutjob" "whacko" and all of the other horrible terms that come with the diagnosis. I honestly looked down on people with mental illness, like they were lesser people than the rest of normal society. I thought mental illness meant a weak mind, that you could shake it off and be the normal like everyone else. Just get your act together, jeez!

Now I'm coming to grips with how intolerant and short-sided I was for thinking such horrible things. It's a struggle, I can't change this with will-power and positive thinking, it's just not that easy. It's who I am and I'm going to have to cope with it.

I was diagnosed the 3rd of this month at the age of 33. Sometimes it still surprises me to think, "I'm effing bipolar, Bipolar I at that." But a lot makes sense now that did not before and I read enough about bipolar on account of having a friend with Bipolar II that I'm catching on to triggers etc faster than I might have, now that the mania is gone anyway.

Came into the place manic and worried for myself, a fight with a dear friend and other weirdness was getting to be a bit much. Got meds that night, it made my thoughts more "cohesive" and the outside world had a gravity to it that I could feel through my senses. That gravity started to sink into my heart along with the words from the pdoc, "Mania is a psychotic state."

Falling out of sync with Sunrise is problematic for me. Led to a couple days of deep lethargy with multiple naps a day that let me recoup after about two months of hypomania/mania. Simply walking at least 3 miles a day during those days helped a lot. And being short on sleep after that rest let things speed back up a little. It is an odd ride and I wish I had been better informed earlier in life, especially about the TEMPER and how to deal with it. Or the fact that certain habits and exercises of will or intellect can refine, provoke or quell mania or depression to some extent.

Meds are simply not enough.

I am not ashamed of this disorder. I see it as a potential asset and FINALLY an explanation. This 'odd ride' beats what I was doing, spending years trying to become Schizoid instead of dealing with it and rationalizing every foul mood as something perfectly justifiable as I sorely tested my few but great friends.

Shedding friends like a poorly socialized junkyard dog that thought itself a poodle shedding fleas as it shook and gnawed at its fur.

Hope you find some helpful advice here and good luck!

Capt Picard. My thoughts are why feel shame? You didn't do anything to cause this, you didn't have unprotected sex, do an illegal drugs, not excersise enough.
In the end you are this way because you are this way. That's it. Shame is not helpfull, consider yourself a newborn who has to relearn how to live. That takes time. You have to give it that time.

Bill

I agree with a lot of what you are saying here.  I've been saying the same thing to myself  "I'm effing Bi-Polar."  Still a lot to swallow.  Thanks for your thoughts.  :)

WindUp_Creeper said...
I was diagnosed the 3rd of this month at the age of 33. Sometimes it still surprises me to think, "I'm effing bipolar, Bipolar I at that." But a lot makes sense now that did not before and I read enough about bipolar on account of having a friend with Bipolar II that I'm catching on to triggers etc faster than I might have, now that the mania is gone anyway.

Came into the place manic and worried for myself, a fight with a dear friend and other weirdness was getting to be a bit much. Got meds that night, it made my thoughts more "cohesive" and the outside world had a gravity to it that I could feel through my senses. That gravity started to sink into my heart along with the words from the pdoc, "Mania is a psychotic state."

Falling out of sync with Sunrise is problematic for me. Led to a couple days of deep lethargy with multiple naps a day that let me recoup after about two months of hypomania/mania. Simply walking at least 3 miles a day during those days helped a lot. And being short on sleep after that rest let things speed back up a little. It is an odd ride and I wish I had been better informed earlier in life, especially about the TEMPER and how to deal with it. Or the fact that certain habits and exercises of will or intellect can refine, provoke or quell mania or depression to some extent.

Meds are simply not enough.

I am not ashamed of this disorder. I see it as a potential asset and FINALLY an explanation. This 'odd ride' beats what I was doing, spending years trying to become Schizoid instead of dealing with it and rationalizing every foul mood as something perfectly justifiable as I sorely tested my few but great friends.

Shedding friends like a poorly socialized junkyard dog that thought itself a poodle shedding fleas as it shook and gnawed at its fur.

Hope you find some helpful advice here and good luck!

 

As for:   "How do you stop a manic episode? Can you? How do I find balance? Can I?" Thats what the meds are for. We Can't stop them just because we recognize them. We can learn about triggers and modifying our behaviors, that what talk therapy and things like DBT are for, they help us cope and teach us new coping skills. Your right where you should be in the process and I don't blame you a bit for not broadcasting you diagnosis just yet, your way to new in the process (in my opinion) to handle all the input, good and bad, that people who care about you will give you when your ready to spill. There's no hurry this is a lifetime kind of thing. Its your life so whatever you decide is best for you is the bottom line, Good Luck and keep in touch.