Nickie, you are such a doll. Thank you for that; it really means a lot coming from another bipolar person. Not that you are only that, but you do understand and are in the same place sometimes. Thank you so much. 
I am so sorry about your friends death. Do you want to talk about it?
I know exactly how you feel, bad, mad, sad, not glad, haha, couldn't resist. I have been there my whole life, probably just like you! Mostly mad, not usually sad, and always bad, haha! The workout thing is great for taking out aggression; I don't feel agression today, just tired and I was really, really sad earlier. I called my mom and she was so helpful. She has learned over the years not to say "just think about all you have to be thankful for", or "think positive" ooooooh I hate that one, haha!
She told me even tho I don't work anymore, I am not worthless, because I take such good care of Paul and give him a haven to come home to (when I'm ok, which is most of the time). That really helped, because you know when you're really down you don't see ANY redeeming qualities in yourself.
I'm not crying anymore, now I am just sooooooo tired. Sometimes, it's good that I am an ultra rapid cycler, at least in this case.
You may be preaching to the choir, but it's sooo appreciated! It really meant a lot to me, thank you so much.
Really, if you want to talk about your friend, just email me or post here. I'm so sorry about that.
Shannon