Hi, Patti, I am glad to see your still with us!
I think that's a very unfortunate situation. Why don't YOU put yourself in a hospital? Why do you need his permission? It's YOUR mental health, which at the moment isn't so hot!
I don't mean to sound bossy or mean, but you are in trouble, young lady! Sometimes it's really the hardest thing in the world to take control of our own mental health; the nature of the illness is that we can't think straight. But I know that you know you need immediate help, and that doesn't mean making an appointment with your GP or some family counselor! Please go either tonight or tomorrow. You have many other issues to deal with, (your marriage), but you cannot do that effectively unless you get some help. If you take control of it, and get on the proper psych meds, then when you start to feel a little better emotionally, you can work on sorting out what to do in your life to make things better. Obviously, your marriage can't be healthy with you living away because you don't fit in with other doctors' wives! Doesn't your marriage mean more to you than that? I do agree that your husband could make a tad less money and compromise here, tho. I am NOT saying it's your fault! What I see (from what you said so far) is two stubborn people who need to come to some kind of compromise. You need to work together. When you are apart, the emotional closeness fades away, and you can lose sight of what is really important. That should be each other above all else - money, social circle, whatever.
Don't get me wrong, I have been in the company of docs and their wives for many years, and I know exactly what you are saying. Nurses are better, aren't they LOL! I do understand, becuase I would never fit in there, either. Their wives are very empty and their only joy in life is spending their husbands money and celebrating the imperfections of others. It's sad, I agree. Being a doc's wife is hard, no matter how you slice it, but I really think given their schedules, the wife needs to be the hardest worker to keep it together. I get the feeling that he wouldn't be agreeable to marriage counseling, so if he's not, I suggest you go. You need some help there, too.
I believe marriage is sooooo important, especially to those of us with problems. We need to know someone is there to love us in spite of ourselves, and we need somebody to love, to take our minds off ourselves some, too. If there is any hope of making things better with your hubby, please try. Make that your project and you will have much less room to focus on your problems, physical or mental.
Well, if you didn't fall asleep or get pissed at me, thanks for listening. Everybody who knows me knows I have this insatiable need to help other people. I am opinionated, and sometimes I piss people off. I really need to try to learn the art of diplomacy, I'm told, haha! But you know what? It's only because I only comment on what I know, what I have been through. Relationships (the love kind) are kind of my specialty. I have had a million (unsuccessful, obviously), so I learned alot, but my marriage has taught me more than any of them. From living in seperate bedrooms for 2 years (no sex, obviously) to getting stable and having a dream marriage with ****o quality sex, haha! No joke. The love was always there, I was not. I believe it can be fixed, as long as both people want it to. Why not call up your hubby and arrange to cook a nice dinner, no one else at home, or go to a nice hotel and get away for a couple of days to talk about what you both want, becuase I don't think you can be too happy the way things are. Funny, I suffered IBS with major diarrhea and vomiting, was emaciated, depressed or manic, migraines, back pain, etc. my whole life. I was sick all the time. When I got it together with the psych meds, I haven't had so much as a cold in the past 2 years. It all went away. It is possible, Patti. You just have to want it enough to work your ass off to get it.
I do care, hon, I know it's hard. I know. But you sound like you do have a strong spirit, you're just worn down. It's not over, Patti.
Be strong, let us know how you are doing, OK?
Shannon