Raising a Bipolar Child

My sweet 10 year old son was diagnosed with P.A.N.D.A.S. 2 years ago. However his raging and mood swings were more severe than his care team had seen. This led them to diagnose him as bipolar, saying that the condition was underlying to begin with.

We have an older daughter ( 13) and a younger son (5 ) and I am to my throw-in-the-towel point. My husband and I seriously discussed divorce this week for the first time. We can't both be angry and depressed all the time. The other kids are scared and tired of dealing with him. He is out of control.

He has tried a TON of different meds. He is currently on Risperdone/Clonidine/Intuniv/Sertraline/Provigil to deal with the BP and the OCD and tics that come with the PANDAS. Therapy hasn't helped, and this week I had to withdraw him from public school to homeschool him because even though he could keep it together for most of the school day, the immediate breakdown when he got home and then the exhausted cycling was too much on him and us.

He is making reckless choices. Running out in the street, using the kitchen knives to stab holes in the walls and doors, hurting his little brother because he plays too hard, the maniacal giggling and constant explosive episodes are tearing us all apart.

What do I do?

Bigmomma....

I feel your pain. My heart aches for you because this is a tough illness, not just on the individual who has bipolar disorder, but on the entire family.

I usually post on the RA site, but have raised a bipolar son, who is now 23. We have been every medication on the market. We have had more psychiatric side effects than I ever thought possible. My son was kicked out of 5 schools (despite being an A student) for behavioral issues, and recently (last year) burned my house to the ground when we suggested he try and get a job. It cost us $400 k to rebuild, and I ended up with RA shortly thereafter.

I would suggest that you learn absolutely everything that you can about this illness. You will need this information not only to deal with this illness, but to advocate for your son. Does your son see a counselor? Psychiatrist? He will likely need both. I would suggest that perhaps you and your husband see a counselor as well. This is very beneficial, because you must have a safe place to air your frustrations. Some people find that keeping a journal helps them air their frustrations in a a safe enviornment.
Things that I found helpful with my 23 year struggle with this illness in my son:

1. Make time for you. If you have anyone...family...etc. that can watch your son for even brief periods, this respite can be lifesaving. TAKE THEM UP ON THE OFFER. I did not. I regret it to this day.
2. A healthy diet was immensely helpful in controlling some of the behavioral problems that my son had. I followed the Zone diet with him for years. There is also convincing data (in published medical journals...not junk science) that advocate for probiotics to aid in depression (believe it or not). Nancy's yogurt contains all of these in 8 oz. This will also help with some of the GI side effects of some of his medications. Not saying it's a cure for Bipolar disorder. IT's not. It just helps a little.
3. Make sure that both he and you get lots of sleep. Sounds silly, but it does help. Tired parents are more likely to fly off the handle during stressful times.
4. Keep every psychiatry appointment. Learn about the medications that your son takes. Many psychotropic medications have pretty awful side effects, and this is why patients quite taking them. Count your son's meds on occasion to be sure that he is taking them.
5. Make a date night with your spouse. Do this every 2 weeks. You need this time as a couple to keep your relationship strong.
6. Allow yourself to vent. This is a good safe place to do just that. You are human. You will get frustrated. And that's ok.
7. Keep your son busy. Idle hands get into trouble more frequently. Mine did Tae Kwon Do, football, Brazilain Jujitsu, and he went to the gym with me. We both needed to kick that bag sometimes. I took Tae Kwon Do with him for years.


There are specialty schools that take these kids. Most urban areas have IEPs (individualized education plans) for these kids, some can go to home school type programs where they can check in weekly with a teacher. Some schools have a "behavioral program." The teachers in these classes have special training and the class size is smaller. I don't know where you live, so that makes it hard. I live in Washington state.There are also full immersion programs (that aren't cheap) that will take these kids for a year at a time (boarding school type). These can be out of state.
There is financing for some of them.
A good book to check out is "My Bipolar Brain." (forgot the author....sorry). It gives you a good idea what it is like to have this illness.

Today, my son is a published author, having written his first book at age 18. He has some goals. He has served his time for arson. He is learning to manage his illness (that was my job as a parent...to give him the tools to do this). We did press charges after the fire, because there must be consequences for unlawful actions. Many tears...and some laughter later...we are healing.

I wish you luck on your journey with this illness.