Update - I finally left my 8 year relationship

Hello all,

I took a look on the board today to see if some of the members who "knew" me were still posting and it seems people have moved on. LW, I see you are still here :)

Even though most of those familiar to me seem to be away, I thought I would share this update anyway in case it inspires others or those who knew me happen to this post someday.

I was in an 8 year emotionally abusive relationship and I finally left him a few months ago :) He never struck me however he was aggressive in his rages (punched a hole in a door early in our relationship & hit the wall, slammed doors so hard the house would shake etc...) He got in my face a couple times but never hit me. Even though he never hit me, once I decided I was leaving (at the end of September) I knew I couldn't share that information with him safely. So I planned for two months on leaving while he was at work one day so I could a) I could guarantee 100% not being attacked physically b) have the chance to leave without having to go through the trauma of one of his rages ever again. It was extremely difficult but I got re-involved with a Women's abuse agency in my area and they helped me plan and I am still seeing a counsellor there once a month.

It has been difficult financially and the emotional fallout has been more than I expected. Lately it's been tough for me to deal with the fact that I didn't get any closure leaving the way I did. I moved out while he was at work and then called him later that night. That conversation was only a few minutes as he was angry and shocked. It just feels distressful because I didn't get to say goodbye or have that closure that normal ppl have when they leave relationships that long. Really it was a marriage. I have thought about writing a letter that I don't send and seeing if that helps so I think I may give that a try.

I am SO proud of myself. This is something that took a really long time to decide and follow through on and although it's been super tough, in the last couple of weeks I have really started to feel a lot better about myself and life in general.

Not only was he abusive because he flew into rages all the time, but he NEVER EVER supported with love or caring or any compassion, my mental illness and I deserve that in my life partner. My next partner WILL support my bipolar.

I have been in DBT therapy since October (1 hour individual DBT + 2 hours DBT group) every single week and it will be for a year. It is helping me tremendously and for anyone thinking about DBT to manage symptoms and how we function with bipolar disorder, I say go for it! It has been life changing for me!

Thanks for reading, & hope you are all feeling well today.

Hugs,
Mogs

I too left an emotionally abusive man on the fly. I left while he was at class and packed my car. I was almost finished when he drove up because he said he got a lunch break that day. Talk about awkward. But I just told him what I was doing. His nephew was there so he didn't freak like he usually does. And I left and drove 2800 miles across the country back home. I'm now almost divorced.

It must have been really hard for you to act normal for those two months before you left. I can also sympathize with the financial blow. I am having to get help from my father. Are your parents willing to help out?

As far as closure I think if you had told him up front it would have put you at risk. You had to protect yourself. Write him a letter and put every thing you wish you could have said and then don't send it. At least you are getting it off your mind. Break ups are always messy and maybe one day after some time you will get the chance to talk to him. But for now...continue taking care of you.

The DBT sessions are a great way to deal with bipolar. Good for you. Also getnanlist of women's phone numbers for support when you're in a low moment and just need to talk it out or vent. It really helps both you and the person you call.

Hang in there

That's good to hear Mogli! I hope you will get some closure after writing the letter. Let us know how it goes.

I'm glad you have supportive friends that are there for you through this time. I agree that it's time you take care of yourself now. Don't let him try to get to you.

Take Care

UA

GOOD FOR YOU! I DO NOT KNOW YOU PERSONALLY BUT IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO LEAVE A BAD RELATIONSHIP!


YAY PARTY.

I know that it hurts right now but this really is for the best.

CONGRAT my dear.