Bipolar gf set up a love triangle

My gf of 10 years broke up with me in September and said that she just needed to be single for a while. The typical quarter life crisis. She started hanging out with a guy friend she hadn’t seen in a while and they started to date. The entire time, she has told me that she still wants to be with me in the end. For a period of months she was severely manic and ruined her credit in the process. We were ready to buy a house and get engaged. This went on until about 2 months ago. She finally started medication and she is now very depressed over what she has done to herself. Ruined career, ruined credit, in debt, and of course ruined many relationships.
about a month and a half ago she asked me to go snowboarding with her since she was missing me and we used to go to Vermont every winter for a weekend or 2 to do that together. Well, I went and we had a really nice time together. We enjoyed ourselves and it was great. During the rest of the breakup prior to this it was rare that she wanted to talk to me or be near me. But she always maintained that she wanted to spend her life with me. The next week she asked me to come over every day after work to see her. She needed my comfort and I couldn’t help but give it to her. Meanwhile she was still talking to this guy and telling him that she wanted to date him. She told me that she wanted to give us another chance. After about a month of this she decided to give him a chance so that she wouldn’t wonder what it would’ve been like for the rest of her life. I was devastated again but I told myself I wouldn’t contact her. She called me the next day saying she thought she made a mistake and doesn’t know what she wants. And this continues to go back and forth. She will tell me that she thinks she would have a happier life with me but needs comfort and support right now and its too hard to let go of him or I.

Last night i went to visit her after work and had a heart to heart with her. I told her that i wanted to be with her and that if she truly wanted to be with this other guy that we should figure out how to stop our communication. cold turkey never works. I mentioned that there was another girl that I could pursue if she really didnt want to be with me. It wasnt to make her jealous but it was to show her that i wont sit by forever while she strings me along. She started crying and told me that she wanted to be with me. I told her that i would set up a few counseling sessions for us to attend to either figure out how to let each other go, or get each other back. Its a messy situation at best by realize that I love her with all my heart and prior to the break up we were about to get engaged and buy a house together. I think of her as my wife already and we were married without the paperwork. This guy is a complete jerk and part of me not giving up is so that he doesn't win her heart. She's just not in the right mindset right now to see him for what he is.

I know many of you will tell me to just let her go but its not black and white. Shes not stable right now emotionally and this triangle is a disaster at best. She has agreed to see a counselor together to help figure out whether she truly wants to let me go for good, and how to let go mutually or maybe that she should give us another chance. She will ask me about me dating someone else and I tell her that although I don’t want to I might have to find another girl to make a life with. Her quote is always “what about a happy life with me?” Anyone ever deal with a similar story?

Post Edited (sadguy88) : 4/25/2014 1:59:41 PM (GMT-6)

well we've been to counseling she says she wants to end the relationship with this other guy and can't let me go but it's so hard for her to lose him because he has supported her through tough times. She doesnt want to lose either one of us. one minute she wants to be with me and says to him that they need to talk then backs out of it. back and forth between him and I. I know i need to get out of this but its so hard for me as well. What should i tell her so that this ends?

sadguy88, counseling should of helped her to see things clearly and make a decision. It should of helped you see things better as well.

She need to make us a mind and follow through with it. It's not nice having you in the middle. It doesn't sounds like she's made up her mind about what she wants.

You should think about how you're being treated as well and what you want or what's best for you. You have been there for her and you deserve to be treated good.

UA

sadguy88, the way you are being treated is not nice. You have been there for your gf through her rough times, yet you are treated badly. You are a nice guy and you do not deserve to be treated this way. You have been supportive to you gf and you deserve to be treated better. However, you are the only person who will be able to make a decision concerning your situation.

If your gf cannot make a decision, you should make a decision for yourself. Sit down and think about things and make a decision.
Are you still in counseling? It doesn't sound like counseling helped. You might want to consider attending some sessions again. Is there another counselor you can try? Maybe this would make a difference, however you have to be open and comfortable to talk to your therapist.

Please know that we are here for you.

UA

Honestly, what I would do is give her one last chance. Say to her that if you go back to him again, I'm leaving you forever. And stick to it. It'll be really REALLY hard, but it'll be for the better in the end. You can't keep getting played. It's not healthy at all.

Also, have you talked to the other guy? I know sometimes it doesn't seem like a good idea, but sometimes it might be to get some information about how him and her relate. See for yourself what draws her to him. See if you both feel the same way, too. Maybe you're both tired of getting played and realize that it needs to stop. But from what you said, I doubt that'll be the case.

Saying what to do without having been in the situation can be shallow at best. But know that ultimately it is your decision. Have you tried talking to her about her behavior and her bipolar? Maybe trying to understand from the source can help you figure out why she's doing this.

But either way, it's gonna suck. I know you can work this out, for better or worse. And remember, as UA said, we're always here for you.