Rambler!

Hi everyone!

So pdoc bumped my seroquel to 700mg, lith to 1200mg and mirapex 0.25. I feel "normal" again, thank goodness. I took 800mg seroquel (as instructed) to see if I could actually sleep thru the whole night (waking up at least once on 700, unusual for me) and had essentialy what I guess I would label a panic attack, won't do that again! Has anyone ever expereinced that after taking seroquel dose? Scared me. Anyhow, better today and seeing pdoc tomorrow for lith levels and to have my fiance present to ask questions, vent, whatever!

Anyhow, I am reading all of the posts and am hesitant to reply, too chicken to post replies. I am 30 and the bio clock is screaming, and I feel for Patti and Dana in the sense I understand the desire to have a little one to love. I struggle daily with wondering if I will be able to conceive when we are ready (gawd, like is there ever a perfect time anyhow?!) and if we adopt how to deal with family, etc. Then there is the issue of meds-there are few(none) resources in our area to counsel in this area-where do you begin, so much conflicting info.

Anyhow, I am so sorry for the pain everyone here feels, even if I don't always post. Maybe this can help just a smidge-

-have any of you ever read Robin Sharma's works? He wrote the series "the monk who sold his ferrari". I am reading "who wil cry when you die" and it has inspired me to live life again, to the fullest, lots of great inspirational quotes and reminders. When I am down this man just inspires me!! Please give it a read, I hope you will also find it positive and rewarding for the spirit that so often gets stomped by BP and the like.

The best  to you all and talk again soon!!

S

hi, Shannon, so glad to see you and that you're feeling better!   I often wonder how you're doing, you have such a severe case, i really feel for you, sweetie.  Are you able to function at work/school?   I think it's a really great idea to take your fiancee with you, I'm glad he will even go!   Was it his idea?   Either way, that's devotion.

I haven't had any type of panic with Seroquel, but I only take 200mg, anything can happen at high doses, and you know we can react totally opposite to meds, than how they are meant to work, lol.

There are lots of articles on the internet (medical/studies) about BPs and having children.    The general consensus is that the benefits of continuing to medicate (depends which med) outweighs the risks to the fetus, but if it were me, I would read, read, read.  And, talk to your pdoc, too.  He might have some other ideas or opinions.

I hope you're feeling better lasts!  

Oh, and I don't understand your being afraid to post!  WTF!?   We love reading your posts!   What do you think, you'll post something that offends somebody and they will hate you?  Everybody is valuable here, don't let the BP paranoia/persecution complex set in, which we all have, lol! 

Shaanon leave it to you to say some long word that i have to really think about. Laughing my a** off. Can I ask a question , of course I can.... What would you of done ( career wise), if you weren't or didn't become a nurse? Or would there be anything else? I only ask , because I often wonder myself, what would I do if not in the medical field.HHmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... let's ponder that. Talk to ya soon, Nickie. P.S. I am not liking school at this moment, but I am calm. Yeah whatever who am I kidding? haha

Ahhh.. good ole sales. Hm makes me recall a time when I yelled at someone and they asked for the manager , I said you are looking at the boss. They about fell over. I anted to rip peoples heads off, due the their ignorance or stupidity. I thought I had no common sense yeah f*** right. Administration are ya kiddin, I cannot stand to be told what to do . I remember too when in school , my teacher wanted me to dissect something, ( sheeps brain ), I think . I was in seventh grade yeah right, I told her to kiss my a***. She sent me to the principals office, ohhhh I was scared( yeah ok). She said she was going to call my parents, I said go ahead. I remember her telling my dad to come and get me , he goes what for if you don't want her there, then she can walk home. My punishment was raking my yard, and I had to apologize to the teacher. My dad figured I probably heard it from him.lol Then I got into high school you couldn't get me away from dissecting, loved it. I have dreams of doing a human cadaver all the time, my mom says I am sick. So I ask in what way?! I know this, if the schooling wasn't so long I would do anesthiology . I love that stuff, but I would have a s**** load of loans, and it just takes to long. I was meant to do what i am doing.... THat's surgery. This is the most amazing stuff that I could ever see. Oh just thought of something, If there were no way I could be in the medical field, I think I would of been a dancer. Not stripping! Like a dancer, ever seen dirty dancing. The last dance of the movie, that's all me. I really like to dance. I took 7 yrs of Jazz dancing and loved it. Then i got into sports so I had to pick . Anyways, boy am I talkitive today. Schools out till Tuesday , maybe that's why. It's a freakin holiday. Bye for now.

Hey guys

Thanks for your kind words, yet again. Shannon, you are right, the paranoia can be troubling!!!

Sandra, that book has brought me out of a slump I have been in for years. Although I know I need meds and counselling forever,  also know that I need hope, and his type of spiritualism brings me that hope and I thrive on it. -Especially when bad days prevail (or seem to). I read your one post, sounds like you could use some hope and support yourself...hang in there!!!

Shannon-You know when you called my case severe I thought "me???!!"No, it is not that bad. Then yesterday the pdoc dx me as bipolar I instead of NOS and told hubby that I have been in the severe-moderate category-huh??!! All the talk of mania, I am thinkin, no hypomania silly! Dude, you/ve got it all wrong! I thought, what the hell is he talking about, it is not that bad. But then I put all of that together and the fact that I am swimming in lith and seroquel and feeling fine made me think-oh crap, I am a little messed up. It was weird to hear pdoc talk about me to hubby with me loooking on. Perspective. I have always been able to work and play no problem, same with school. However, in my job the stress was minimal-when I am in school I am scared a lot of the time and that makes the BP worse, I have only missed 3 days in 5 yrs of study. However, by the time I got home I was a complete psycho and now the relationship is scarred b/c of it. That's actually what took me in to see doc-extreme rage outbursts, not the "fun" mania I had as a teen/early 20's.

Kitty, too bad your classmates are like that. My one class is like going to a reunion-everyone I started first yr with are back in the same classes again, it's kinda fun. Your right about the neg energy, toxic! They have some lessons to learn about life I bet, in the meantime they can fumble around and figure it out (or not!!!) Plus, are they a lot younger? Sometimes it is a maturity thing (and then not!).

Anyhow, I have to go do some readings (first day of school, blah). Take care all!

S