I lost my marriage because of my bipolar

I was diagnosed in April 2014. I was a newly wed to someone I loved very dearly and have know for the better part of the last 9 yrs. My mood swings got out of control. I was up and down. The disease has really surfaced since I've grown older. I had a few people here and there tell me that I showed lots of Bipolar symptoms. I stayed in denial for the last 5 yrs, now finding myself in my middle 30's I can no longer control such strong emotions. I broke down upon my wife's request the beginning of Spring. She told me that she had grown afraid of my violent outburst and my inability to control spending. She told me she loved me unconditionally, but she lied. How do you love someone unconditionally and then abandon them when they need you most. As I sit here tonight 2 months after our split (annulment in process)... I am growing deeper and deeper into a depression... I am hurting. I keep emotions inside. I don't wont to worry my mother or my family and don't fully trust even my closest friends so I battle my demon alone. I just don't think I am strong enough to do it anymore. I feel betrayed. I am deeply suffocating in emotional pain. No lights at the end of this tunnel. I don't know where to go from here or if I even want too. I am tired of this struggle that constantly continues in my brain, day and night, no sleep, no rest. I lost my insurance after we separated so I no longer am under a doctor's care and with no means for counseling. Please if anyone out there has any words of advice or encouragement .. I could surely use them right about now.

Post Edited (Suazo) : 8/6/2014 11:16:13 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Suazo,

Welcome to the forum!

I am sorry for what you have been through and what you are currently going through. Please know that you are not alone in this. We are here for you. You have our support and you can get through this with us.

It may seem as if there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but that's because you haven't reach the end as yet. Once you reach the end of it, you will be the light and there will be wonderful things waiting for you . But first, you have to get through this phase and take care of yourself to feel better.

I'm sorry that you lost your insurance so can't access docs care of counseling. Is there any public facilities where you can get counseling free? Have you every called a hotline? There are hotlines that you can call. They are toll free and after talking to someone on the line, you can feel better.
Journaling can help also. Keep a journal. Write down your thoughts and how you're feeling. This has helped me.

Please keep us updated on how you're doing. Remember that we are here for you. I hope you will feel better.

UA

How are you doing today?

UA

I've had a good couple of days, but today was kinda rough. I've had an anger day. :( I wish there was something to take away the anger outburst. It's tiring.