Blessings

I've done alot of complaining lately about my situation and the way I deal with things.  Sometimes I forget just how good I have it.  

We've had some serious financial challenges lately compounded by my dental issues and my 5 yr. olds dental problems as well.  Poor kid.  I started brushing his gums before he had teeth.  I brush his teeth still.  I don't think he does a good job on his own.  He never had a bottle, he was breastfed exclusively, and still he had been plagued with tooth decay.  Our (insurance selected) dentist couldn't get near him.  He'd curl into a ball and shriek.  The guy truly isn't good with kids.  So he insisted we take him to a Pediodontist.  Okay, I already have a good one for my 13 year old but she has insurance through my 1st husband and the guy wont take the HMO junk we have.  He's gotta go right?  So they clean his teeth and my husband lets them take impressions because he thinks they'll take the insurance (which really isn't more than a discount program) and that will cover the spacers(No).  $600.00  for spacers.  We don't have that.  I feel bad because my daughter got her braces and I can't do the ortho for my son but her dad put the $5000.00 in her mouth.  My husband made the appt. for the spacers.(Still under the impression that we had insurance) I called and cancelled the appt.  Kept the one for the four fillings but there was no way to do both. 

 This is one of the best pediodontists in the area.  This guy has dealt with my older girls forever.  When he found out that I'd cancelled the appt because we had no real insurance he immediately reinstated the appt and had his office call me back to tell me the appliances would be put in at no charge.  Said he wouldn't have those teeth shifting.

Now when I was a kid, my mother would never have taken a "handout" like that.  She was too proud.  Thats why we went without food for days at a time and sometimes missed school because she was afraid I"d faint and the state would find out.  I learned early on that for the kid you swallow your pride and do what you must.  I don't call this a handout but a blessing.  When things are at their worst, something good always comes through for us.

I get depressed and so busy seeing all the difficulties I have to overcome, I become blind to the paths that have opened up before me.  My life might be challenged with financial and medical issues but I still consinder myself blessed.  Things could be so much worse.  For the most part I have a good life.  I'm surrounded by everything, and everyone, that is most important to me.  What else could I ask for?  Even when the BP is at it's worst and I feel like all is lost, God has never abandoned me. 

I know, kind of a lengthy post, but I really felt the need to share that.  We've all had so many difficulties lately.  It just seems like if you hang on just a little while, the rainbow might be just around the corner.

You aren't selfish. No more than any human. Seeing others difficulties doesn't make yours any less real. We all have our issues. I just had a little glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel and it felt good to share it.

It takes alot more than that to make me mad. Yes he does work. We have seven children between us. I had four when we met and he had a custody of his son from his first marriage as well. We also have two together. The kids range in age from 23 to 2. With the five youngest still at home. We carry insurance through his job on the two youngest and his older son. It just has terrible script coverage and Dental isn't really insurance, its a discount program.
I do become frustrated over the financial issues. I try to keep it all in perspective. I was financially stable in my first marriage. It was not all it was cracked up to be. I was physically and verbally battered for more than a decade. Mostly because that was how it had always been and I didn't realize I deserved any more than that. I didn't get out until I saw the effects it was having on my kids. My current husband has his faults, true, but so do I, and he is a kind a gentle man who, other than the computer issues, treats me and the children well. It's been a struggle yes, but I truly am happier than I have ever been. This is a safe and loving place, without violence. The first one I've ever known. I would rather my children grow up with financial struggles than to grow up in the fear I grew up with.
Ellie

I really don't hold anything against my ex anymore. There was alot of anger in the beginning but that's over now. He's been sober for seven or eight years now and feels true remorse over his treatment of me. While we may be a disaster as a couple, I consider him to be one of my greatest friends. We have a much better relationship now than we ever did married.
He's also a wonderful provider for his children. He's retired military, but still has a civillian govt job and great insurance. He's never missed a child support payment, and does everything he can to make sure the kids have everything they need. I can't say I regret our relationship. We had three wonderful daughters together. Everything happens for a reason I suppose.
I haven't found quite the forgiveness with my mother. Our family remains fragmented and our relationship is still very strained. I'm working on it though. I think its important for me personally to put it behind me. The anger I've carried has made me ill both physically and emotionally. It leaves me feeling guilty and the guilt makes me self destructive. Speaking only for myself, I feel alot better since I've let alot of that go.
I really don't think I've settled. Just discovered whats most important to me. It's never been money, I grew up dirt poor. I'm in alot better financial position now than I ever was as a kid. I'm all about family, my kids are my life.
Speaking of kids, its time to sign off and rewind Dora the Explorer. The little one is screaming like the world is ending and that can only mean the end of the Dora tape. You said you have a 3 year old so I'm sure you're well aquainted with Dora.
Have a Great Day!
Ellie