Can u guys advise me?

Hi everyone. I was trying to "keep this inside" but it is not good for my GI system. Kevin asked me to talk to my friends on the BP forum.."Honey they accept you and will understand" So my loved ones know how much u mean to me that my husband wants me to come to you all ! I am afraid to post as my sis reads them  ! But  SO WHAT RIGHT? Let me try to make this as understandable as I can. Sara (girl from sis neighborhood) had a b-day party on Sat. Annette, (the one w/cancer) calls and says Sara wants to talk to u. "Oh Aunt Patti, thank u so very much for the present, I love it so much I havent parted w/it since Sat. I already have over 200 songs on it. So, I figured that Vicki got her an Ipod (which we talked about, ut I had no idea she actually bot her one). I said thank you baby nd take good care of it. I then called Vicki at her office voice mail and thanked her for putting my name on the card and to tell her how much I owed her. She then sent me an email the next day explaining how stressed she has been at work (accountant), and that she DID NOT put my name on the gift,Sara just assumed it was from both of us. She didnt want me to be obligated. But said if I wanted to pay for half it was $106 (my half). So, I phoned her at the office and actually got her. Initially all went well, I said I wanted to ask if she had been going to a support group to learn how to deal with me for the last 3+ years?Annette had told me this, NEVER said it was said in confidence, and I was FLOORED! I NEVER keep secrets from anyone, not my nature...especially my sister. So she said she was, not for that long tho, maybe a year. I kept telling you I wanted you out of my life, BUT YOU DO NOT HEAR ME! So, I said, well I will let u get back to work. She kept on talking. Finally Randall got brought up and she was furious (as always when u say ANYTHING about him) and I said Vic do u see how well i have talked about his and my relationship on the BP forum. She said I dont read that anymore as all u do is lie. I SWEAR ON MY FATHERS GRAVE THAT I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANY OF YOU A LIE . I just hope and pray that u believe me. So, I said Vic that is not true I have never told them a lie..how can u expect people to help when do not tell the truth??? I said give me an example...so she said, "Do they know u r a drug addict" I said Vicki, I am not a drug addict, the meds I take are listed on my posts along with the illnesses I take them for. So she hung up on me. So, like a dumbass (this is why I am dying inside, I wish I woud have let it go) , I called her back and she said "I hate you, I hate the sound of your voice,when will u realize how much I despise you? If u ever come near me, my husband or my daughter, via internet, come to my home, my job,etc. I will call the police and have a restraining order against you, and Patti u know I will!" Im devastated   as is Kevin. I guess all the love we have given them obviously doesnt outweigh the way she feels about you. I know you all think is temporary, now I hope u believe that IT IS NOT. I am begging you all to help me with this. Nickie, I know you said I tend to overact, but like I said I SWEAR TO GOD that this is all true. I havent slept in days and my face is so swollen from crying I cant even leave the house to try to put this out of my mind. I am sure you all are fed up with me too, and think I am a pathetic loser, I know I do. Please try to direct me. I am going to a pdoc at the end of the month, still having suicidal thoughts, but not "acting" on them. I have always taken your advice to heart and done EVERYTHING u advise me to. Please help me. I do not think I have ever been more afraid in my life! I have been takig my valium like they are candy to try to calm down...to no avail. Please understand how much I need and want your advice/opinions? I hope u will post and make me feel better...you always have done so in the past. Please dont give up on me. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin was talking to my cousin last nite and said "Liz, I have NEVER been more worried about patti, Vicki is killing her inside." You all  know what he does for a living plus he has diabetes since age 12! hE CANT TAKE MUCH MORE EITHER. oUR CONTRACTORS still ARE SCREWING UP AND HE IS ALWAYS FIGHTING WITH SOMEONE (INSURANCE CO., PANTERS, CABINET PEOPLE, ETC.) I am worried about him, too. He is sick at the fact that we are now LEGALLY not allowed to see Lauren. I hope to hear from someone soon.

Thanks for listening. I am so sorry to ask for so much.

Love to you all and I hope everyone is doing as good as they can,

Patti

Bravo, Nickie, bravo.  You get a standing O and as usual we're on the same page.  Pretty wise for a 20 something!

Pats, you need to quit crying about someone like Vic and whats his name.   They are hardly worth your tears, only your pity.  Well, come to think of it, it's hard to pity someone so downright nasty to someone who is ill.  Cancel that.

What she is doing to you and her own daughter is despicable.   IMAO they are a total waste of tissue and time.    Nickie's right,

What makes them so high and mighty that they have the nerve to judge someone who is ill?   Oh, I know!   Brains are the only organ that do not need hormones to function! (In case you're reading Vic, there are MANY types of hormones you never even heard of, they're not just for women anymore!  Duh ).

She doesn't deserve the title "sister".  She is not in the sense that counts.  We are.  We understand, WE care and WE don't judge.  (Each other, at least, lol).

She and her husband deserve each other, since they both like living where they are, in a little bubble that shields them from learning anything about life that they might not know, cause OMG it might mean they are wrong.  Can't have that, the holier than though don't like that!   Is she a scientologist?   I wonder, since they don't seem to believe in anything they can't see, are they atheists, too?????  Or do they just pick and choose what's convenient and comfortable for them?

Remember Pats, karma is a. It always comes back, there is no escaping it.  If people can't live by the golden rule, they will pay for it, so just be around to see it.

You need to start gettting MAD at these situations, to let off some steam and tension.  It will make you feel oh so much better than crying your eyes out, because that's not going to.   Quit taking all the Vs, they are making it much worse, as you can see, they are not helping.  Just keep talking to us, we do make much more sense, as we see things accurately, you can't from where you are.

I have to go pick up Paul now, I will write later, OK?   Hang in there, you are stronger than this. 

Love ya girl,

S

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/18/2005 1:02:39 AM (GMT-6)

Hi everyone. Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it. Sorry it took me so freakin long to respond, trust me (please) it isnt because I havent been thinking of you all, I am just very scared. It feels like I am going thru a divorce and am losing custody. I WILL NEVER GET CLOSE TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!  I have my home over there and we bot it especially to be near them. We are talking about selling it. I feel like I m in the twilight zone. I cant sleep one night AT ALL. Then the next night I sleep for 14 hours. Nickie, I wish I was you. I used to be a fighter, but I thought that was WHY I was losing everyone in my life, (btw, I got that info from sis "u cant be like that and expect people to accept it") So, I searched myself and as hard as it was I FORCED myself to let people hurt me and walk all over me, and here I am! I know you all mean well, but I am so afraid of being by myself in my older years. I really think this wouldnt be as difficult if I had my own children. The good news is that the hurt about my sister has turned to viciousanger, but I am still viciously hurt w/the Lauren thing. Kevin doesnt take care of his diabetes like he should, and I am sure to outlive him, and I will be alone! Anyway, I apologize for wasting your time with this drivel as it will not change anything. So, how the heck are YOU all???? I have been at my cousin's home most of the time and there is no internet there. So, dont worry about me. I am going to read some posts and respond and TRY to help YOU guys as much as you always help me. I love and need you all sooooo much. And I am not the least bit worried if that makes me sound weak, because it is the truth , I dont lie. I just hope and pray that u all wont "kick me to the curb". I will be responding to YOUR posts as soon as I get the laundry out (oh joy!).

I love you all so much for accepting me THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart,

Patti     

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/18/2005 1:02:21 AM (GMT-6)

Patti, I haven't lost true friends. If they " couldn't accept me, for me", they weren't my friend to begin with. So again your sister is wrong. What does she consider to be happiness I wonder? I am not a fighter , that is why I avoid my brother all together, because I am avoiding the issue or confrontation . Speaking your mind isn't all that bad, it doesn't mean you are rude , arguementative , or mean. It simply is telling what's on your mind at any given moment, in order to not keep things inside and bottled up, so they could possibly be brought up again, at a later time.You allow yourself to get hurt, by letting others treat you like I don't allow that type of behavior or negativity around me, so therefore I end up winning in the end. By that I mean my health doesn't suffer because I don't give people the opportunity to do the they do. It says alot about a person, when they personally attack you and get self- gratification out of it. That to me shows signs of weakness, low self- esteem, and no self worth ,( power and control issues too). I encountered something similar recently, but apologized for giving a certain impression, but this person didn't know me.I was not in the wrong, however I possibly could of came off a certain way, so I was giving the benefit of the doubt, and said sorry. When this person continued to attack me, I then retaliated back. So basically I sunk down, and came to his level. Then I felt like, because that is not me. So I learned from my experience.  ......... about having children , and it being easier. It's not, a child gives you only a certain type of love, you still need the other. Yeah we have reciprocal love, but in the end she will grow up and be on her own, so she will leave. i think you are worrying too much about the future  and not living in the present. Make every single day worth living and look forward to the next day. I start out everyday saying today is going to be a good day, I set myself up for a positive day. And sure it rarely happens, but if I woke up and said today will be well thats' probably what it will be like. ...... Patti, don't take this the wrong way but, sometimes your attitude abut yourself is extremely negative and it seems like you have a pessimistic  view.   In almost all your posts you refer to yourself as crazy, messed up in the head or something else. You have to tell yourself that you are a good perosn , who does good things. Believe in you! We all are strong people, it needs reinforced sometimes, but we actually can over come more than we think we can.I have been through some pretty terrifying experiences in my life, and I look at everything like, I can do this, this is a breeze compared to what i have been through. Just the other day , I was down and my mom called me and said Nickie, you have been through worsse, pick your head up and tell yourself you are going to do this. You know hwta , she reinforced what I already knew, but I just needed to hear it from someone else. Who better to hear that from then your mom? God, I love her sooooooo much. Does your husband take insulin or pills ( glucophage)? Does he have o monitor himself each day, with a machine( accucheck..)? What is he not doing? And how can you help him. Sometimes I think we do get involved in ourself, that our partner feels neglected.  I am speaking about my personal experience. The are the " fixers" and what they can't fix bothers them. Anyways, I hope this post helps you, and not makes you upset. We all need to work on our self -images ( inner, is what I am speaking of). We must fill noe level of needs before reaching the next. Striving for the ultimate, self-actualization. In the end I truly only answer to one person, and really that's what gets me through each day. i wish you well, talk soon. I wish your husband well too. It's rough having diabetes, sometimes it frustrates me more than being BP. Nickie

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/18/2005 1:06:42 AM (GMT-6)

Patti, no ned to get mad, it seems whenever I post you tend to have a comment back to me, if you don't like my advice you don't have to use it. Positive people don't say the things you do, or at least they make an effort not to.. Read some of your posts, before assuming i feel one  way. I think you are taking your anger out at the wrong person. It 's ***** funny , when I give nice , honest, opinons and I get a smart as* comment back. I will not post to your threads again, I do not apologize. I was giving my honest opinon. I didn't know this was a race for whoever had the most dx, or problems. How in the ***** would you know all my dx, I only speak of 2 of them, I don't feel the need to post all my problems and meds on this board. So i could be like some and post all my problems as well and dx on here , oh and wait all my ****** surgeries too. ... How dare you assume my problems are less than yours, I just know they exist and try to help all I have. Thanks for assuming your issues are worse than mine, habve you ever in your life been physically abused and had a gun fully loaded to your head, don't **** talk to me about problems.

 How rude!  Nickie

kittycat/stop4pat,
Your posts violate the forum rules about treating others with respect, as well as use of language.  Please discontinue this behavior in the forums, even if you feel it is justified.

Peter