There has been no happy medium.

Hello Everyone
I am usually on the ulcerative colitis forum but thought I would post here because I also have bipolar disorder 1 and think the two are related somehow. I could also use some support, suggestions, anything that will help.

I been having some marital problems which got sorted out but then right behind it I've been having some work related problems that have not been sorted out but I have solutions that will come into play at a later date. I have been training for a huge race that takes place in the Sahara desert in March. I'm a runner, which helps a lot with the bipolar symptoms and keeps me off too many meds usually. It also have helped me to lose weight despite my meds. However, mentally I've been having trouble on my runs and now physically too. I think they are contributing to my UC.I took a wipe out and sprained my thumb which is still bothering me 2 weeks later, and now with all this I am flaring up badly.

On top, of that I think my BP symptoms are also flaring up because it's been so much to endure in such a short period of time, moreover so close to my trip date that I feel down. Not the depressed down where I don't want to shower etc but the angry down if that makes any sense. I'm sooo angry that I have very violent thoughts and I'm crying all the time because I feel like my hands are tied. I can't believe this has happened all together like this now. I realized early after my dianosis that my capability to multitask is very poor when I'm not manic. The stress is too much but at the same time I feel guilty for not being able to do so.

I'm going to my GP to request a medical leave of absence from work for the UC and The BP because I know I'm not coping well right now and need the break to get better and get to my race. However, im crying about that too because I feel like it's goning to make me look like a weak person even when others tell me it's not so.

My meds are lithium, cymbalta, and Ativan and/or seroquel as needed which I've been using with all the anxiety and insomnia I've been having. Thank you so much for listening. Hope to hear from you soon.

FR

hi from the happy turtle. on a few forums. been around too long!!! running, sounds peaceful. i hear ya about the multi-tasking and stuff. i am sort of up **** creek without a paddle as i severely rapid cycle. i live with anxiety, and agree with karen about what she mentioned. i think ya in a bit of a cycle. it will pass. i have rapid cycling bi-polar affective disorder and eupd. and too many other health problems!!!! keep well. here for ya.

I now know that I have flipped onto the road of mania. Went to see the doc and had my Seroquel restarted. I use short acting because I'm not usually on it for long but this time it's a little different.

The first time I used Seroquel it took 1200mg to get me on to the straight and narrow. Several times in between I've taken it and only a dose of 25-100mg was needed. This time I'm feeling like I may need a higher dose because how I feel is taking some time to dissipate. I think that increasing the dose scares me because I do get the side effects of dizziness, low blood pressure, and heart palpitations as I go up but I've read that to get mania under control 400 mg would be tarting dose.

My overall observation is this: I ride the hypomanic train for a very long time. Keeping so low under the radar I'm never detected until the last moment...when I finally come up for air. Suddenly everything needs to stop because I'm going so fast I'm holding on for dear life! I despise the side effects of all the meds I've taken but when all is said and done I can't help but look toward the deafening silence. That's when I know this episode is over. Pease and quiet for now until the next flying carpet ride.

Thanks for listening!
FR