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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 7/14/2015 1:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all, I hope you are all well. Me, not so much. I am the parent of a twenty nine year old son wh suffers BPD and I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do or how to help. Some background: I'm a stepdad married to my wife for seventeen years now. Obviously I love both very much. Our son has always had issues with interpersonal relationships; whether with friends, family member or authority figures such as teachers. I remembèr when he was in middle school the principal explaining the our son had no concept of boundaries. This behavior has been exhibited ever since I can remember. He's very capable as he's an intelligent individual. After a couple phycotic episodes we sent him to a treatment center, Sierra Tucson, obviously not the right choice. Well at least he recognizes he has a disorder and compliant with his meds. what he is not compliant with is his therapy. He feels he is fine. Problem is he allianates everyone he works with. Another problem, he works for my company. I told him upon return of his month long treatment that the condition of employment was that he quits pot, takes his meds and follows through with therapy. He's only one of three. He feels me requiring therapy is intrusive and none of my business. My questions are; is it my business? Also, when he behaves inapproprtayely at work, to the point where the supervisor sends him home do I just let him fall and suffer the consequences? I don't want to see him on the side of the road with a "will work for food" sign but don't know what to do.
Sorry for long post. Please HELP
Posted 7/14/2015 1:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hello jerold,

Welcome to the forum!

I think therapy is important in your son's treatment. Therapy work together with the meds to help. Is it possible for you or your boss to give him a warning about his behavior? I know here there's a no smoking (except for cigarettes) policy at companies here. Do you have any policy similar that maybe you can share with him and let him know he has to follow it?

I would suggest to speak to his mother and maybe have her talk to him.

I hope he will come around soon.

UA
Posted 7/14/2015 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
I certainly understand your frustrations. My daughter was diagnosed last September for Bipolar I. I also have it and growing up it was a mess. Even as an adult I made a lot of bad decisions because I thought everything was okay but really I was spiraling out of control. So I try my best to show my daughter the path to a happy and safe life with this disorder. She has been hospitalized 2 times. I do think therapy is a must to help you realize your triggers and to release your emotions and not keep things bottled up inside. I was having a really tough time at work and kept going to the psyward. So I talked to my NP and she thought it was a good idea that I should try to go for disability. So I did and got an attorney to help it along as well. 7 months later I got a letter say I was approved. It's been the best thing that could of happen. I finally got on the right meds that makes me feel amazing and normal. It's the best I've felt in my entire life. Even a friend that hasn't seen me in years could tell how healthy I've become. The stress is so much lighter and you can focus on taking care of yourself and your triggers. I certainly hope this helps. He needs support from anywhere he can get it because he will love you and understand you in the end. Right now he is just not balanced. Don't give up. My husband didn't give up on me and I'm soooo grateful for that.

Lis1208
Posted 7/14/2015 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
But what do you do when he refuses to go to therapy? He's twenty nine years old and say it's none of our business
Posted 7/15/2015 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
Talk to him. Let him know that you are with him as he go through this and he has your support.

If he refuses help, I'm sorry but there isn't much you can do. He must be willing to accept and get help.

UA
Posted 7/15/2015 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not sure if you can do this, but if he is a health risk to himself and can't make good judgement calls then maybe you can have him committed to a psychward. Not a permit thing but to get him on his feet. He may resist but it's worth a try. Like I said I'm not sure you can do this but you can find out I'm sure. I know my daughter didn't like going the 1st time but the second time was a wake up call. I know it took me my 3rd time to make me see what I was messing up. I really hope this helps.

Lis1208
Posted 7/15/2015 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
He's irrational so I can't have a rational conversation with him. In his mind he's perfect, felling fine and everybody is incompetent. He doesn't admit anything is wrong with himself. As far as hospitalization; been there, done that. He posed no threat to himself or anyone else and they won't hold him. In the past he agrees to go but they let him go. The healthcare system is so frustrating.

Thank you all for your feedback
Posted 7/16/2015 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your input
Posted 7/16/2015 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Does he live with you too? If so you need to kick him out, I would also fire him from his job. You are enabling him and it's not helping him. Tell him when he gets help he can get his job back, but until then he cant' work there. I know it will be hard, but it really is the best thing for him.
Posted 7/16/2015 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
Doesn't live with us. He's married, for now, with a one year old and there year old. I won't let him back to work until he undergoes treatment and I'm still paying him but I'm going to stop in two weeks. I'm thinking I'll keep him on the payroll while he goes through treatment, but only under thoughts conditions. I know it's enabling but I care somuchfor those gran babies.is that wrong?
Posted 7/16/2015 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Nope, not wrong at all. I didn't realize he had children, that makes it a little different as I'm a Nana and I would do anything in the world for my grandson.

I do hope he seeks treatment, if not for himself for his kids. My heart goes out to you, this is a hard position to be in.
Posted 7/23/2015 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jerold,

Believe my I understand your problem. My daughter is 30 and separated from her husband and living with me and my mom who is 92. She has bipolar II and borderline. She can be so difficult and gets so angry. I recently found out she was using methamphetamine. I have tried calling the local police and they have been no help at all, even when I have said she was threatening me or even hit me. She knows exactly what to say to them and how to act. A couple of weeks ago I called the mental health crisis team in San Antonio and they came out and took her to the hospital. They didn't keep her but that is how I found out about the methamphetamine. This time I told her she would be evicted if she didn't go for treatment. She started outpatient treatment yesterday. I take her and pick her up. It is very frustrating when you cannot reason with them that their behavior is totally messed up. I am also going to expect her to continue private therapy after she is finished with this outpatient treatment program. She needs help for both the drug abuse and the borderline. Sometimes I don't even think she is bipolar and that it is all this other stuff. Because the Lithium and Lamictal don't seem to make a difference.

Is your son's wife supportive? It would seem that with young children she could force him into treatment because of the children.

With my daughter she has been physically abusive and a lot of verbal abuse. I cannot tolerate that anymore and never should have tolerated it.

For the sake of the grandchildren, at least, his wife has some leverage if she is willing. It cannot be nice for the children.

Again, I understand perfectly your frustration because once they are old enough there is hardly anything you can do. Could you possibly stage an intervention type thing? Does he have insurance? My daughter is on Social Security Disability and has Medicare and Medicaid. It is mostly useless for private psychiatrist and psychotherapy but the hospitals all accept it.

Maybe, since our problems are similar, we can be mutually supportive.


Georgia
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