New Member

Hi new member here, I am currently living with someone with Bi-polar 2, we have known each other for 11.5 years and have been living together for 9.5 years, very agonizing painful 9.5 years. I have my own mental illness of Complex-PTSD from childhood abuse by two narc parents, anxiety and panic disorder with severe depression and I am currently on permanent LTD, and to top off my life I have a 15 year old son with Autism who also has a anxiety and panic disorder. I am 52 and he is 50.

Here is what my life is like with my bipolar partner:

1) he hardly ever speaks to me and when he does it is about his work, the people at work, or his hobbies of airplanes and tanks from all wars. Which he can talk about for hours if I do not stop him, because I have zero interest in airplanes and tanks.
2) If I ask him questions about us or him, the most I get from him is, "okay", "no", "I don't know" or the new constant reply of "Well then I am going to leave you and move in with my mother because you will be better off without me"
3) he spends most if not all of his time by himself and seems to have no need for friends including me and my son.
4) we have absolutely no sex life whatsoever for the last 7.5 years, it seemed to disappear once I discovered he was having an affair with my daycare provider (who was also my best friend) and an affair with another woman at the same time, and to this day he can not say why he did this duel affair thing
5) he says he loves me and says that I am a great friend to him but that he has no idea how to be a friend to me, he says I am a good to be in a relationship with and has no problems with me (which I do not believe)
6) he lies all the time, even about stupid stuff, he is very secretive and hides everything
7) he is not affectionate but wants me to be over affectionate with him, he needs needs needs needs and never ever thinks of me, in any action on his part, giving is not part of his nature and every part of my nature
8) he refrains from talking about anything he deems he just does not like to think about, and I am the opposite of let's talk and be truthful and get it out on the table

My list could go on and on but the main theme is "he thinks of nothing" and "I overthink everything", "he likes lies" and "I like the truth", "he likes to take" and "I like to give"

One point I would like to make is that I do truly love him, but it is killing me slowly, just small little pieces but they add up

I have never felt so confused in my life, trying to figure this out, trying to make peace with this, and trying to survive it, as my pain, shame, loneliness is overwhelming most days, the loneliness is the most unbearable. Very hard to make friends as a couple because he hates to make friends with anyone and I am a people person.

As I write this I feel like the most pathetic person alive, and most days I feel like I would be better off dead, but I just do not have the balls to end it.

I live with a fear of abandonment and every time he says "he is leaving me" I go into all out panic mode and my anxiety is thru the roof to the point where I can not think properly, I feel like throwing-up non-stop, I can not eat, I can not sleep and I can not take care of my autistic son properly. I turn into a basket case and have a extremely hard time from constantly thinking of ways to end my life.

I have a family doctor, I go see a childhood trauma specialist every two weeks and I go to an environment doctor once a month for all my million of allergies, they all know about my life, every detail of my suffering.
All these doctors tell me I need to leave him, but I just cannot get myself to do it. Even sometimes I agree with them and it makes sense to me, but I am still here. I feel I am screwed if I do and screwed if I do not leave.

Been walking on eggshells all my life.............

I guess your partner is not receiving nor wants treatment? this is very indicative of mixed states. my recommendation is that your partner leaves for a time to seek support and or treatment. bi-polar is a complex disorder. regardless of the disorder, since the cheating has been initiated more than once, this is a deal breaker in my book. even once is a deal breaker, and I am a man with rapid cycling bi-polar that is active and relatively stable. the complexities of your relationship is problematic at this time, regardless of love. to love your partner is to set him free. I would differ if your partner had not cheated and would offer you a raft of suggestions, but because of this I shall refrain from doing so. keep strong. partnerships with any gender with bi-polar exact the same stimulus, affect and mixed states of the condition. kind regards.

welcome to the forum

Very sorry to read this part of your life.Please leave this relationship as it will not progress in a good way but worse way.

I am no fortune teller or counselor but ppl need to be responsible for their own in a relationship and you sound tired.
It will be difficult and hard in beginning of it but 5 yrs down the road ,you might be thanking yourself and asking why you did not do it earlier.
We get comfortable with someone after so many years although they might be damaging and terrible to be in relationship anyhow as no communication is not good.
Rest you decide for yourself ,just my 2 cents .
Good luck!