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i am a desperate man in need of help

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Posted 11/19/2016 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi im new here and this is my first post on any site so im a lil unsure what im doing, i dont know who is out there reading this but i am a desperate man in need of help. I have been with my partner for 5yrs and love her very dearly, we have a baby girl who is almost 1yr old and i am a commited family man. Two days after our baby was born my partner was diagnosed with postnatal depression and a few weeks later she was diagnosed with bipolar. She suffers from post traumatic stress disorder (which causes major anxiety with in her) bipolar and postnatal depression. She has got medication but she needs professional psychological help and im just and average guy, we cant afford private help but there is a 6month wait on the public system. Its only been 11months and im already going out of my mind. My poor misses has uncontrollable screaming outburst which come usually late at night or early morning when both of us are tired, she has no shame and will say the worse things in front of anyone young or old and it is quite embarrassing. Whenever she has an episode it is usually rather viscous in the language, tone and volume she uses, even around bubs. As a father im naturally protective of my baby girl and often i find myself getting angry at my wife for having her mental illnesses and i know i shouldnt. Its hard to support my partner through her episodes and take care of bubs at the same time. Her episodes have now reached extreme, ive rang police many times on my partner to stop her carrying on and never in my life thought i would have to do that to my partner, it is sad to see her in this state knowing the bubbly social butterfly she used to once be, im constantly trying to not be anxious around her but even our dog is anxious around her. My partner dosnt want anyone to know her situation so i cant talk to friends or family who have all been waiting patiently for there turn to meet our daughter. My partner is usually apologetic later on but its always after the damage has been done and to be honest im so emotionaly drained from the last yr that i dont know how some people have found a way to last yrs and yrs. All i know is that i love my patrner but we are in a crisis and i know there is no easy answer but just would like to hear if anyone out there is in a similar situation and if they have any advice they could give
Posted 11/20/2016 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
You say:

What and when was her traumatic experience?

You say a 6 month wait to get help. Are you in line for that?

Surely they would have an express treatment situation for something like this.

What country do you live in? There's no exception for an emergency?

1. Two days after our baby was born my partner was diagnosed with postnatal depression and a few weeks later she was diagnosed with bipolar.

2. She suffers from post traumatic stress disorder (which causes major anxiety with in her) bipolar and postnatal depression. She has got medication but she needs professional psychological help and im just and average guy, we cant afford private help but there is a 6month wait on the public system.

3. My poor misses has uncontrollable screaming outburst which come usually late at night or early morning when both of us are tired, she has no shame and will say the worse things in front of anyone young or old and it is quite embarrassing.

4. Whenever she has an episode it is usually rather viscous in the language, tone and volume she uses, even around bubs.

5. Her episodes have now reached extreme,

6. ive rang police many times on my partner to stop her carrying on and never in my life thought i would have to do that to my partner, it is sad to see her in this state knowing the bubbly social butterfly she used to once be

6. My partner dosnt want anyone to know her situation so i cant talk to friends or family who have all been waiting patiently for there turn to meet our daughter.

7. My partner is usually apologetic later on but its always after the damage has been done and to be honest im so emotionaly drained from the last yr that i dont know how some people have found a way to last yrs and yrs.

8. All i know is that i love my patrner but we are in a crisis and i know there is no easy answer but just would like to hear if anyone out there is in a similar situation and if they have any advice they could give
Posted 11/20/2016 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
My partner had traumatic experiences as a child when she was abused by her uncle that she was adopted out to by her parents, what exactly it was is none of your business. I live in Australia, my partner and i are both citizens but our public health system is lacking resources and the 6 month wait unfortunately is real. We need something now not in 6 months so we have not registered on the waiting list. To see a psychiatrist privately in this country and probably the same anywhere cost so much $ we simply can not afford. The drs have diagnosed her with all these mental illnesses and have prescribed her two different medicines to help her and told us that my partner needs to see a psychiatrist, but thats it, they dont care if we can afford one privately or not and they cant do anything about the 6 month wait as it is out of there control. Ive exhuasted all avenues i can think of
Posted 11/20/2016 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
I appreciate the responses.

I didn't know if she had trauma from being in the military, or what.

But when you said she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, I'm wondering what is causing that?

It helps me to understand how much difficulty you're in.

My wife had trauma as a child, also, so I've got some understanding of what this situation is.

You know, this sounds like a very difficult problem, and so I think, one, that you are very smart to reach out for help. Especially if you can't get much medical help, you wise to reach out and try to get some information help.

One, can you go on the web search engine, and type in "Australia medical help"? Or, "Australia medical help for poor"? Or "Australia psychiatric help for poor"?

Now, I can do that since you've told me what country you're in.

It is very fortunate that she has you helping her.

You said, "We need something now not in 6 months so we have not registered on the waiting list. To see a psychiatrist privately in this country (is expensive)."

See, you're giving me a lot of good information, and I appreciate it.

One thing I would say is, a multiple approach would have you registering now, plus trying to find some help quicker than 6 months.

A saying is, "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

The best time to have registered for health care was years ago. The 2nd best time is now.

Now, we know better what the problem is, we're both going to look on the net "Australia psychiatric care for poor" and see what 3 or 4 websites say.

If it says, "Solution One," then "Solution two," we're going to try both of those and see if either one of them works by calling a few phone numbers.

Now, you're saying Australia does not have psychiatric outpatient or inpatient help for the poor? In America, we have (in our state), some 3 or 4 psychiatric hospitals.

You can walk up to the door and they'll let you in, or, at least speak to the secretary and ask, "What do you do to get admitted?" Plus, these hospitals have an outpatient clinic, where, with an appointment, you see a psychiatrist who can prescribe medicine and you might not need to go into the hospital.

So we need to find on the net where these hospitals are, and these clinics.

Is she totally without medicine right now? God help.

I'm really glad you reached out for help.

You said, "The drs have diagnosed her with all these mental illnesses and have prescribed her two different medicines to help her and told us that my partner needs to see a psychiatrist, but thats it, they dont care if we can afford one privately or not and they cant do anything about the 6 month wait as it is out of there control. Ive exhuasted all avenues i can think of"

So she is taking medicine, which is great. Does the medicine seem to help at all? So these doctors are not psychiatrists.

What medicines did they give her?

You can also try to stay positive, and her, also. If you believe you're going to come up with a solution, you increase your chances.

"One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

I'm going to look up "Australia psychiatric help for poor" and I think it should say something in a few minutes. I'll get back with you.
Posted 11/20/2016 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
John, here is what I found on net search engine for your country:

Mental illness

1. MindHealthConnect: www.mindhealthconnect.org.au
MindHealthConnect features mental health resources, information and online programs provided by a range of organisations, including a guided search tool which helps users to navigate their way to appropriate support.

2.Mental Health Council of Australia: www.mhca.org.au
The Mental Health Council of Australia is an independent, non-government body that represents and promotes the interests of the mental health sector and advises on mental health in Australia.

3. SANE Australia: www.sane.org
A national charity helping people affected by mental illness and fighting stigma through campaigning, education and research.

4. Reach Out Pro: www.reachoutpro.com.au
ReachOut Pro provides information about mental health, as well as access and advice for professionals on a range of online interventions, tools and resources that can be used to enhance the effectiveness of psychosocial support and mental health care provided to young people.

I'll try to find the phone numbers. Just wait.
Posted 11/20/2016 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
John:

This is what I found:

SANE Australia: www.sane.org

A national charity helping people affected by mental illness and fighting stigma through campaigning, education and research.
SANE helpline

Talk to a mental health professional (weekdays, 9am-5pm AEST).
1800 18 7263

The SANE Help Centre provides the information, guidance, and referral you need to manage mental health concerns

For urgent assistance, see Crisis Support on this page:

phone number for crisis support is: 13 11 14

--------------
John: you can call the above crisis support 24 hours a day.

During that conversation, you can ask, where do I get help? and ee what they say.

Otherwise, wait till Monday and call Sane where you can "talk to a mental health professional (weekdays, 9am-5pm AEST) at

1800 18 7263

At that number (1800 18 7263), "the SANE Help Centre provides the information, guidance, and referral you need to manage mental health concerns."

Referral meaning, they can refer you to a particular doctor or clinic, so that you can call and get an appointment. We're hoping.

But we need to call so we can find out what they say.

Please let us know how this is going.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 11/19/2016 8:57:47 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/20/2016 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your kind words and support, i truly am overwhelmed by the generosity, time and effort you have given me, a complete stranger on the otherside of the world. I was hoping that in 6 months time my partner wouldn't need to see a psychiatrist but im not so confident any more and believe you a right in getting her on the public waiting list. My partner has only seen gp's who have all just given her medicine and reffered her to a psychiatrist so she is still yet to see a psychiatrist. She has two medicines one which helps her anxiety and one that sedates her but im not sure exactly what there called i dont wish to ask her because if she knew i was online doing this it would start ww3. I appreciate the advice about staying positive as it is easy to forget to do these days. I guess ive been desperate to see a dramatic change in my partner as quickly as possible and losing patients but trying to solve one issue at a time is something im going to have to seriously consider. Thank you for researching that for me, all the information is useful and i will be making a few phone calls on monday
Posted 11/20/2016 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
is there a cat team where you are? they are useful. in a crisis. is the local mental health team have you on the wait list? since there is a child involved you can get bumped up much quicker. i am an aussie, and know these things. social worker can push things, a maternal nurse, etc. your safety aint worth a pinch of salt, but the childs, well, that's when they act. bi-polar is hard to manage, and people do not like meds, nor authority, and losing authority. she made need a treatment order, and possible hospitalisation to stabilise. you will have more regulation over matters if she is committed, not as a voluntary patient. things move fast, esp with mania and psychosis. take care. she can always be seen at emergency, even if it is by a resident shrink, it gets the ball rolling.
Posted 11/20/2016 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your response. You said you were grateful for the help, especially since you were on the other side of the world.

Well, we can also be thankful for this website, healingwell.com, which reaches all over the world.

It’s great because you don’t have to leave your home to get help.

It’s also good to get information on this website from someone who lives in your own country. Get as much data as you can.

You said, “I was hoping that in 6 months time my partner wouldn't need to see a psychiatrist but im not so confident any more and believe you a right in getting her on the public waiting list. “

She may need longer term care, an undate of her meds, a chance to talk to a psy. about what’s going on. She also may feel more comfortable talking to a female psy., and she may have to request that. She can think about that.

Again, it’s good that your partner has someone to help her, to be the caregiver.

When you’re sick, it’s hard to be both the patient and the care giver. It can be done, sometimes it has to be done, but you don’t think nearly as well when you’re sick, and it’s difficult to make decisions.

So, your being the caregiver, separate from the person who is ill, is tremendous.

I do really appreciate the update on your plans to call for help on Monday.

Since you have some time on your hands, let me give you some more data on this positive thing.

I found what also helps, as I mentioned, is to think positive that you can solve a problem when you are in that situation.

I read a column about that and it said your attitude prior to thinking about a column, has a lot to do with whether you're going to solve problem.

I had never thought about that once in my life. What I realized from that was that I had an uncon. neg. attitude going into problems. Whether from childhood training, my manic-depression, or some of each, I had that and since it was in my uncon. I couldn't see it.

What the column on being positive taught me was, before going into a problem, I made myself not think about the problem, for I realized, the problem is not the problem, the problem is my attitude going into the problem.

I am uncon. trying to trip myself up. I would think of a solution (con mind: get her to a doctor); and then my neg. uncon. would slip in and say, "That won't work because, well, because, there a waiting line."

And then I would just give up. My negative uncon. mind was always coming up with a "good reason" why my positive con. mind was wrong. But my con. mind was not wrong.

So before a problem, I now "retrain" my uncon. by saying,
“think positive, think positive....." to get my uncon. going in the right direction.

Only then do I think of the problem, come up with a solution, knock down any negs. from my uncon., and try to solve the problem.

I've also heard a saying that goes, "The only person you have to defeat is the person you have to look at in the mirror every morning." Yeah, you're right. I was my own worst enemy.

If you can encourage your partner to be positive, also, that would be great. Maybe print this out and show it to her. But don't show her where it came from.

Of course, the paragraph "get her to a doctor" is a tipoff. Copy this, paste in on Word, then take that paragraph out, put a new example in, and print it out.

Yeah, there are going to be some tough times. But tough times is itself is a problem. And we know how to deal with that.

It’s going to be interesting to hear what they’re going to say on Monday.
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