Major Life Changes

Hi, no your not gone, far from it.
A mix of stuff going on, some you have no control over.
Absolutely never go off your meds. Bi polar is a chemical imbalance,
never believe those stinking thinking thoughts. You got a bit happening, thus we get overwhelmed,
our brain, then the mind chucks a wobbly. Aussie slang. Your brain and mind is chucking a wobbly, and it
will settle. The legal stuff, if prescribed is ok, the booze....
well, not at the moment.

Music is my go to, air guitar on my walking stick. Sometimes a cold shower on the head, real cold,
the shock is excellent. Know your awareness shows insight, and well done for posting. Many of us, me included, with bi polar get it. Keep posting, keep connected.
In crisis and distress i use lifeline, the phone counsellors are exceptional.
A bi polar support group may help as well. HT

Keep strong, HT

You say you have Bipolar I, which net says involves both full mania and depression, while bipolar II, has a milder form of mania, or hypomania.

I have bipolar I for which I am taking Lithium (2, 300 mg tablets of Lithium a day) and the anti-depressant Mirtazapine for which I take 7.5 mg a day. If I didn't take the Lithium stabilizer, then then when I took the anti-depressant alone, it would send my mania through the roof and I might have panic attacks, also. So I have to take both of those meds.

You're having a difficult time, and I'm doing relatively well. I wonder why? Could it be, I'm on my medicine and you're not? You say, "having to go off my meds and on again
I have Bipolar type 1." Why do you have to go off your medicines?

Then you say, "The last two years have been super hectic for me. Starting with getting pregnant, having to go off my meds and on again" and loss of job, etc. I'll guess, with the pregnancy you had to go off your medicine.

You say you "turn to cannabis oil ( legal over here) and alcohol again." "And last week for some reason I thought God was telling me to go off my meds cold turkey."

And "I don’t really feel like I have any support, except for my therapist, which I see once a month over WhatsApp. I feel like I’m slowly losing my crap, spiraling downward."

Does the therapist provide just talk? Do you see a psychiatrist? I think you need to get back on your medicine, but taking marijuana or alcohol negates the medicine and makes its side affects much worse, the net says.

You are very smart to write in. You are very fortunate that there are websites like this one so you can get different opinions, and get help.

It’s good that you are seeing a psychiatrist.

You say you have bipolar 1, which net says has the full mania and depression, which is what I have, also. Bipolar 2 has reduced or hypomania, net says.

I looked on the net for the medicine you are taking, “clonazepam” and mayoclinic.org says that “Clonazepam is a benzodiazepine.” Web.md.com says, “Benzodiazeines are a type of medication known as tranquilizers. Familiar names include Valium and Xanax.

"They are some of the most commonly prescribed medications in the United States. When people without prescriptions obtain and take these drugs for their sedating effects, use turns into abuse.”

I’ve heard on this site, and on the net such as the above medical websites, where benzodiazepines are for short-term use, but not for long term anxiety, depression or bipolar. They are not meant for that. They are meant to calm you down for months and years, but not get you addicted for a few hours worth of relief.

What are the other two medicines you are taking? Again, I’m the same diagnosis that you are, Bipolar 1. Yet I’m only on 2 meds, and neither one is a benzo. I’m on the anti-depressant Mirtazapine, and I’m on Lithium which caps the antidepressant from sending me into mania, and also calms me down.

Webmd says examples of mood stabilizers are: Carbamazepine; (Tegretol); Divalproex sodium (Depakote); Lamotrigine (Lamictal); Lithium; Valproic acid (Depakene).

Adding, "Mood stabilizers are medicines that treat and prevent highs (mania) and lows (depression). They also help to keep your moods from interfering with work, school, or your social life.".

For panic attacks, you said, “ So the psychiatrist gave me clonazepam. But when I run out of it I use cannabis oil. The psychiatrist doesn’t wanna give me too much clonazepam cause I have a history of addiction."

“Sometimes I will have alcohol when i can’t get cannabis oil. I am seeing my psychiatrist today so I started getting panic attacks when my husband left the country and I had to take care of our son maybe he will adjust my meds again."

"I also feel like the cannabis oil and alcohol is not helping my symptoms at all.”

This is just my opinion, but is there any chance you can get on a stabilizer and an antidepressant? Anyway you can get off the benzo as part of the treatment?

So, how are you doing?

What are the other two medicines you're taking?