Back on meds

I've never been on this one Hammilton, but I'm sure someone will be on soon that can assist you. Be careful with old med's though. That said I understand the situation with these pricey drugs. Drug companies are obviously darn proud of some of these meds.
Didn't want you to think your post was being ignored.
Take care
Ellie

Hey, I did some searching online and found a new FDA approved titration schedule, starting from 25 or 50 and going up 25 a week for 4 weeks then up 50 a week until effects are acheived, though that wasn't for mood stabilization.

I realize that this stuff isn't very good at mood stabilization, but for me its usually been *okay*.  Its not depakote to me, but it isn't as sedating either.  Actually, I took 50mg this morning and i'm not tired at all.  I might feel the methadone a little more than usual, a little bit dizzy, but I'm also working the fentanyl out of my system so its hard to say how much is due to the topamax.

I do a lot of writing, and am in some very hard courses, some very self-ran courses.  It'll be interesting to see how much the Dopamax hurts mah brain.  Mebbe I'll get back down to 170, though? hehe

It was really hard to ask for help when I felt so incredible.  I'm surprized I managed it.  I had never managed it so early before.  I've never gotten to the point that I needed to be hospitalized (by force), but I have put myself away so that I could get better help and not ruin my life.  I had to leave school once already though.  Caused a big scene, well, a bunch of them, all within a couple days.

Tried "buying" a girl at Subway...  told her I was rich and a *movie* maker...  I get so stupid some times

Tried buying a car that wasn't for sale because it looked like one my middle school science teacher drove

Swore at a math professor for telling me to be quiet, whipped teh desk on the floor and burst out the room.  I didn't make it 15 minutes before a cop came and persuaded me to go to the school counseler.  I'm so ULTRA thankful they handled it the way they did.  I went and talked to her, and then they had me go to the hospital.  They told me they were giving me a Valium IV or something like that, and the next thing I remember I was at home.  My mom came and picked me up and drove me back.  She had to drive 4 hours because of my idiot ---.

I do such stupid things when I start going up.  Its just so easy to run with it.  And so enjoyable.  At first.  I've been dx schizoaffective by one doc and bipolar 1, rapid cycling by another.  Both tells me the other is terribly mistaken.  I do have a tendency to have psychotic features to my moods. When I was first dx I was psychotic a lot, I guess looking back.  I was also on a anti-d and no stabilizer for a while, and my moods moved a lot more than they do now.  I'm glad they evened out, it was something like 3 days of mania, two days normal, 7 days of depression, 2 days normal and then repeat!  Anyway, I"m sure no one caresa bout this.  I'm just rambling.  I'm still running quick, but that'll end soon.  Mania is more responsive to fixing my sleep cycle, and when we changed the pain meds the pain was terrible and I didn't sleep hardly at all.

Okay, see you guys in chat later.  ttyl

 

yeah. its not always so good. i went through the whole stripping thing too, although I wasn't doing it for sex.. as I was just leveling out, my mom said that the birds were taking all the food. I don't know if I honestly believed this or if I was just incredibly stupid, but I screamed, "those b******s are stealing our winter food" and ran out and chased them away- in my underwear. My fiance pulled up to the house in time to drag my idiot self back in. they gave me some more valium. I didn't know this at the time, but the doctor had given my mom TONS of valium to keep me controllable until whatever they had me on worked, but he never told her that it could be addicting. I wonder if some of the stupid stuff I did wasn't the result of benzo intoxication and sleep deprivation. I looked at the bottle- 90 5mg pills with 3 refills within 3 months. I can't imagine how terrible it would have been if I would have actually taken those. wow. 15 a day. lol.

Anyway, i'm starting to wonder if the topamax might actually not work when it gets old. I don't feel tired at all. I can't taste carbonation though, so it must be working. Thats pretty depressing, but it'll definitely get me to make pro-health life changes. It'll be good for me just to be on this. My arm even feels a little better today. I saw that its occasionally prescribed for neuropathy, so maybe it'll help for that.

In the past, though, Topamax has always been the first medication that I would go on when I began to become manic or depressive, and its usually failed. But I've not typically ridden out the entire depression (as I did this time, to the detriment of my grades), so maybe topamax will have an easier time with pure mania not helped out with something like effexor.

I dunno. If it doesn't work, I'm gonna have to go on what I know will work- Depakote and/or Seroquel. Both of them are killers, but depakote alone is almost okay. How do you guys deal with the incredible sedation? Every medication, besides this dopamax, has put me into a stupor. I went through high school in a daze, and it didn't involve pot. I literally slept through every class my junior and senior year. There were kids in my class I didn't know about until I got my year book. Geodon and Abilify, both of which I was told would make it hard for me to sleep- because they were so gosh darn stimulating- darn near had me in a coma.

Well, that was great in High School, I actually think it helped me get into my college (out of pity, though ) But now that I've been been politely asked to leave once, I can't afford to sleep through everything again, even more so considering I now pay for all of my meds. Should topamax not work, is there anything I can do to keep alert? Does meditation help with that? Yoga? I hate to take ephedrine since its watched so carefully now since so many retarded people are making poison with it. That and it hurts my stomach to no end.

Thanks for all your support,

Hammilton