thanks for the reassurance, tina. i have been where you are and beyond. it is NOT a happy place, i know.
there are many things that frustrate me and make me angry ( i get angry rather than sad - it's a male thing). i am 60 years old and have done a lot and seen a lot. what i have learned is that nothing is forever (bush will be out of office in just a few years! yeah!!!!!! 
). your bad swings with bp WILL pass. so will your good swings. if change frightens you, you chose the wrong life. stick with it, hon. you are stronger than your ailment. your ailment define who you are or what you can do. believe me, i know. i've been there and back again. remember, the gods never put more on you than you can handle.
check with your pdoc. take whatever it is that gives you strainth, be it your family, your school, or your religion. it takes this kind of a team to get you through these rough patches. most of us have been there - and come out the other side.
i will keep you in my thoughts. may god bless you and give you peace.
warren