getting the initial diagnosis-too scary to do?

Good morning all.

I'm a newbie here so I apologize if this has been covered ad nauseum.

But, I have been doing some reading on this disease and there seems to be a constant theme of people who suffer from it not wanting to go to the doctor for the diagnosis.

Is it denial? Fear of actually having the diagnosis confirmed?

I ask b/c I have thought for years that my husband has had bipolar and not just the depression he was being treated for.....and recently he has seemed to undergo a manic break where the disease has come out in the open....and he's suffering.....and he shares with me how he doesn't feel himself, he knows something isn't right and he has even started going to a peer led support group for biploar people-but he won't go see an actual doctor.

Is there a way to approach him that would be best for getting him to agree to go? I don't want to seem like I am nagging (b/c THAT doesn't work-in fact the more I push for something the more he'll lash out and push away) but I do love him tremendously and knowing he's in such pain and anguish is horrible. I want to help him if I can.

Thanks in advance,

lucyblue

Rosie,

Thanks for the response.

I actually think he may be experiencing some letdown from the mania and that's why he's seeming more open to discussion about his issues.

I spoke w/ him yesterday and pointed out how many people love him and stand waiting in the wings to help him, as soon as he lets us know he wants our help. He did say that made him feel a lot better.

I try to let him know that how he is behaving is not "him"-b/c I am not sure he even realizes the manic him is NOT who he really is-if that makes sense....b/c his interpretation was that the manic him has been his true personality all along and the way he was usually was a fake him-it got a little convoluted......and finally last week he admitted that he hasn't been himself at all-and that maybe he doesn't even know who he is anymore.....whihc is scary and sad.....I also have told him that its okay to seek treatment, b/c if he had diabetes, he'd get help for that, wouldn't he? Not that I'm trying to downplay the BP but trying to point out that there's no shame in having something biological in nature.

I'm glad you're SO has decided to seek help again. And VERY glad for you both that he was able to recognize that the cutting thing wasn't normal.

Hi Lucy,

Not being convinced that he knows the manic him is not "him" makes total sense to me -- I get the same sense with my ex/partner. I think you're doing the right thing, talking to him, reminding him that bp is an illness -- we *should* consider it more like things like diabetes, because just like diabetes the person suffering cannot simply stop being bipolar and they need treatment.

Sounds like -- with the down after what seems like mania -- that your hubby is in about the same place as my ex/partner. -- A really good time to set the wheels in motion for recovery. Sounds awful probably, but in a way I was really relieved when my ex/partner hit the depression -- because it's so much less unpredictable than mania and he recognises that things aren't ok at those times.

Tell you what, here's progress for you: I mentioned the book I was reading on bipolar to my ex/partner the other day -- I was telling him a few things about what I'd learned about the condition and its treatment, and said I'd been doing some research and had this book (The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide). I said he was welcome to read it -- that it might help him work out for himself if he felt he was bipolar or not and/or help him with understanding what he's dealing with. I didn't go on about it -- made some joke about my obsessive researching probably meaning I had ocd to minimise his unease with the fact that I'd got the book (which he said did make him feel a bit "nervous") -- no offence intended to anyone with ocd -- I do that that condition seriously, btw. Anyway, I left it there: said I hadn't quite finished reading it so that he didn't feel under any pressure. Then last night he asked me if I'd finished the book, and, yes, could he have a look at it! Result-a-mundo!!! Might be something you could try??

Rosie x

Well sorry to say you surely can't make him go see a psychiatrist or any doctor for that matter, if he is not ready or willing to do so.  Unless of course that person is a danger to himself/herself or others, then you can call the police and have them decide whether they need to be sent to the hospital or not.  It costs quite a bit of money to have a psych eval, and the psychiatrists do have a psych eval at the first visit as far as I understand.  And then the other visits aren't too cheap either, at least not at first.  It's good if you have health insurance that will cover this of course. 

Only a psychiatrist or psychologist can really diagnose him as whether he has Bipolar or some other illness.  We can only guess here as we are not doctors.  It is very hard at first when the person becomes sick, as they don't know what is happening to them or what is wrong with them, and yet they may know something is indeed wrong.  They don't always know what to do or where to go.  Bipolar is treatable, however, there is no real cure at this time. 

Besides, there are other things that may help Bipolar such as vitamins and the correct nutrition.  Sunshine is a huge help to most.  Darkness is bad.  Omega 3's (Fish Oil) is supposed to help some mental illnesses.  Check out other preventive medicines. 

Remember yes it is a chemical imbalance in the brain and it is indeed a medical condition.  Many people have it, you'd be quite surprised.