can someone offer any encouragement?

i'm very new here and not sure who has read my postings.

but-2 months ago my husband seems to have had some sort of break-infidelity, personality change, ad nauseum-just a lot of stuff that pointed to my belief all along that he was being incorrectly treated for depression and in reality has bipolar.

he believes my theory now, too...and he's been telling me how he's been feeling and has agreed that he will see a doc.

and yesterday he shared w/ me that he has started hurting himself-he has a deep scratch/gash along his sternum that he says he just started scratching one night and then noticed the blood. i remained calm when he showed me but i just wanted to die.....he sort of laughed it off and said he didn't show me to creep me out or anything....but it helped put his pain in perspective, you know?

and so i know it's really not about me right now-it's about him getting better.....and i can put his getting better ahead of me and the relationship itself right now....

but today is our wedding anniversary....and the anniversary of our 1st date....and i know w/ how strange things are we won't be acknowledging it at all....and usually every year we make a big deal of it.....

so-i'm having some trouble today......

:(

esp when this has been my new reality for a little less than 2 months....

Hi Lucy -- I'm so pleased he asked you to lunch. -- I hope it's a lovely occasion for you both -- something good to hold onto in all of this.

My ex/partner has been self-harming too, so I really know the worry you're feeling right now. I'm in the same place as you again -- right down to knowing recovery comes first, relationship afterwards. BUT all that you are doing to help your hubby and all that he is allowing you access to his thoughts during this time and his recovery (which will come with his treatment) will also help your relationship be stronger and closer in the future -- you'll know each other better than ever.

Happy anniversary to you: enjoy your day Lucy. My thoughts are with you.

Rosie x

P.S. If you ever want to email or chat on msn I'd be happy to hear from you. -- I don't give my email addy in my profile because it's got my full name in it and we're supposed to avoid posting full names, but if you add yours I'll send you an email with my details. x

Hi Lucyblue:  I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I know what I put my family through before I was diagnosed bipolar and it was hell for them and for me.  But, medication saved my life and my marriage.  Once I was correctly diagnosed and started on meds I became a new person...a new happy person who was happy with myself and my life for the first time in a long time.  I still have bad spells but I know they will pass.  This is a great site for support. We truly understand what you and your husband are going through.  I'm glad he has agreed to see a psych doc.  I hope this information helps some.  Please keep us updated..Luv...Lazy

That scratching behavior, is it from an itch or rash or bite of some sort?  Perhaps he is anxious/nervous and itching for he is nervous and tense?  Sores come that itch?  Perhaps he doesn't know what to do with his hands?  Yes, I have heard that scratching like that to have blood is self harm. 

Happy Anniversary to you.  It doesn't surprise me that you're having it hard, as any holiday or special occasion can be hard for someone with Bipolar or mental illness that is not in a stable condition.  I have found that Fall and winter are especially hard it seems, spring and summer are easier.  Days much easier than nights, as the sun is out shining.  Try to keep plenty of lights on and get him as much sunshine as possible.

Hey Rosie.....

Just wanted to let you know I got your e-mail and will reply soon-I got home super late last night and I can't access e-mail at work.

Just didn't want you think I was ignoring you.

:)

the lunch was very nice....he even sent me beautiful flowers! then later, seemed genuinely confused that I was so surprised that he acknowledged the day-i told him,  "well, i'm not convinced you even really see yourself as married anymore" (I mean, the affair and not staying at the house???) and he was floored that i would even think such a thing.....

some more of that muddled thinking, i guess.....

but-he did get some names of docs and he's going to decide from that list and actually go see a doc.....which thrills me.....

so-it's not perfect, but his acknowledgement of our wedding day was for me a big step...as was getting the list of docs.....

Hello Lucyblue,
I'm so happy things worked out, your husband is really lucky to have you! I'm glad he got you flowers and is going to see a doc. soon. My best of wishes for both you and your husband.

Plus I know it's late but Happy Anniversery hope many more to come. ^ - ^

You are always welcome Lucy -- and you've been (as you know) a big support to me too.

I'm so glad you have had this reassurance from your hubby. You know as well as I do that there may be many more ups and downs, but this is excellent knowledge for you to hold on to -- and it will help you know you're doing the right thing with all your support and love.

Love to you,

Rosie x