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Posted 10/11/2006 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hi

The last few days have been difficult. I have medical issue going on, as well as  being in a mixed state, mostly depression, a little hypo mania, and definitely anxiety. I am sleeping ok, only too much. Part of that is due to withdrawal from prednisone and the fatigue that is associated with that. And, I'm sure some of the mood swings are too.  There is nothing anyone can do except hug me real tight, listen, and tell me to hold on.  And I know I will get all that here.  

I also have a personal family situation that is causing me some of the worst stress of my life. I'm sure that is a major player in all this. I so wish I could detach more from this situation. I have to, for my health's sake.

My significant other  is very supporitve.  I'm sure he was thrilled last night when I had my hour or so of hypomania. yeah lol.. I have been neglecting his needs a lot lately.  At least I still have some humor.

I think the major problem is this.. I have ran out of my lexapro. It's been a few days since I have had it.  The pdoc's  office claims that he discontinued it. I argued with them big time today when my prescription had not been filled. I cannot remember at all what was said at my last Pdoc appointment except that I was depressed and in a mixed state. He was trying to stabilize my mood and added lithium to lamitctal, lexapro and klonopin. With the prednisone, it has been a real challenge to stay stable. I go in to see him  tomorrow  morning. It's going to take a lot of my part not to lash out, the way I am feeling. I will just have to use a lot of self control.  It may have been an oversight on his part. Like I said I was really down when I was in there, and don't remember much of anything. It has helped just writing it all down here.  I am getting a little more prespective already.

 I'm digging around looking for extra lexapro. It's not good to do down or off any med. cold   turkey like this. as we all know . But, there would not have been any reason to discontinue my lexapro, unless he thought it might have been causing my mixed states. I know ssri's sometimes do cause hypomania. In my case, if that happens, I just drop the dosage for  a day or two. The mix of meds have kept me stable for years. I know myself well, and can tell when these moods are coming on most of the time. It will be good to see him again anyway.  I need to go over a change my PCP made on my blood pressure meds. He wants to change the dosage on the lithium because of that.

Personally, I don't think I need both. I did when I was on the high dose of pred. but I have been so messed up, I am doubting myself right now. Does anyone or anyone you know of take both of these medicatons. I don't like the side effects of lithium. I stay hungry, pee all the time, and on the prednisone I'm hungry too, so double hunger is not good. confused

. My private pdoc would never had done me like this. She would have just refilled my prescription.  I don't see her anymore though because of medicare.

 I am a number and face just like the other people in the mental health clinic I go to, despite the fact that I advocate for myself big time.  At least I am when I am  in a position to. ( mentally and emotionally)   Last time I think I just cried while I was there. I was very concerned about the liver disease. Maybe I can get some answers tomorrow.

Thanks for listening to me.  Love to you all, and as always...

Be Well,

Judy












"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;
it is the sweet fragrance of grace."

 

Posted 10/12/2006 6:05 AM (GMT 0)
I guess I'll give an update since I wrote earlier. I found some old samples of lexapro, not outdted old, so I took some. I already feel better. That along with the klonopin has helped this evening. I am feeling more stable. I am feeling a little down that no one took the time to write me. I was in need of support earlier and had hoped for it. I guess people are really busy or otherwise occupied.

Exuse me for being so blunt about it. I guess I'm out of sorts and I am not myself right now. Although the tears have stopped, I still feel very insecure and am not in a good place. I have been reseaching other antidepressants that are used with bipolar 2, so that I can talk to my doctor about maybe making a change. Wellbutrin seems to be one that might work as well as cymbalta. There is also a nother one called prvigal, but it is mostly for depresson instead of bp. I think it is very activating so might not do well for bp. I sure feel like I could use a jump start. I feel so tired and down.
We got out for awhile earlier and that helped. I try to find things to do to help me come out of the moods when I can think clearly enough. I try not to get into these pity parties.

Be Well,

Judy
Posted 10/12/2006 8:42 AM (GMT 0)
(((Judy)))

I'm so sorry no-one's been on to help out with this yet. -- Well, you know how it goes: we're a small group and sometimes it's inevitable that we're all "out" in one way or another at the same time!! -- I'm only sorry it was when you could really have used some feedback.

You poor poor thing. -- You didn't say what the other medical issue is (and you don't have to of course!), but what with that and the meds mix-up, I'm not surprised your anxiety is up and you're feeling a bit all over the place. More hugs (((Judy)))

If you were very down at your last appointment it makes even less sense for your pdoc to have discontinued the lexapro (anti-depressant!!). Grr, this infuriates me!! Are there any other pdocs you can switch to that take medicare patients? I know that's a tough old system... . When's your next appointment with him? Can you get one in the next few days? I would *expect* from him at least a phonecall consultation if I were you -- and be as forceful as you can when you phone up about that. Stress to the stupid office person that bp is *not* something you can mess about with meds-wise, that *you* are being responsible and taking your meds conscientiously, but that without proper support you can only do so much; remind them that the consequences of them *not* taking you seriously and getting you seen or setting up a phone consultation are potentially very serious and that they are responsible to you in this.

Ooh, I'm steaming a bit!! ;) Just makes me so cross when I hear things like this!!! This is *absolutely* not what is needed with bp!!! If you were feeling very low at your last appointment, it wouldn't have surprised me if your pdoc had decided to alter your meds in *some* way -- but not by withdrawing the flippin anti-depressant -- and *not* cold-turkey!!

I think a "frank and open" (!) conversation with this guy is needed. If you're not sure you'll be able to remember all that he's saying to you, ask him to write it down -- or take your significant other along with you to take notes (and even push with the questions if you're not feeling up to it).

This is horrible for you hun -- so very sorry you have all thing on your plate. -- Never feel unloved by us here (I know that's easier said than done sometimes with all the anxiety!): when people are on, they do post!!

Rosie x
Posted 10/12/2006 8:51 PM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

I'm new to the site but I totally understand where you're coming from on the pdoc thing.  I have a real doozie and I have to go there today and she is supposed to be giving me Lamictal.  I wouldn't even go to her but I have to get on something for now so I totally understand your frustration.  Right now I'm not on any meds and I'm losing my mind going from one extreme to another and my husband isn't supportive and we've been having problems so that doesn't help.

I hope you feel better soon and get the meds you need.  I may be rambling here and I'm sorry for that but I haven't slept in 3 days.  I went to the therapist last night with my husband and if that wasn't a joke, anyways if you have any input regarding lamictal and sleep meds I would appreciate it. 

Your last post said you were going to the doctor today, did it all work out?  I hope you are feeling better and I'd be interested to know what they gave you for meds.

Take care,

 

Posted 10/13/2006 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rosie, BP,
Thanks for writing. I had a very good session with my pdoc. yesterday. I had a fit with myself about going, just didn't want to get out and do it. You all know how that is, I'm sure. I seem to have become something of a hermit. Also, I dreaded a confrontation with him.

I made sure I had my notes on what meds I was taking, psych. drugs and otherwise, had my notes about what to ask, my morning coffee, and I was prepared. We talked quite a while and he actually listened. Last time he was writing the whole time, or so it seemed. Of course I was much more composed this time. The confusion was cleared up about the lexapro. I think the nurse read the chart wrong or he wrote it down wrong. We had discontinued the Strattera which is for ADD. It is not good for liver function, so he took me off that. It helps too with the brain fog I have from the Autoimmune liver disease and the prednisone.

He had no trouble writing my prescriptions. We did talk about switching antidepressants in a few months if I continued to be depressed. He said the lithium should boost the antidepressant but I don't believe that it has. The lithium was added to keep me from hypomania, in combination with lamictal.
Esp. while on an SSRI. So, having taken two days and doses of the correct meds. and rested a lot after being out all day yesterday, I'm feeling much better. He talked about putting me on Wellbutrin when I come back if I am not doing a lot better. I really believe a lot of the low moods have to with the prednisone.

I fatigue easily with the condition I have. And weaning off of prednisone presents a whole range of physical and mental problems as my body adjusts. I don't know how people take it or come off it without a mood stabilizer or anti-depressant. It causes so much fatigue, depression & mood swings , joint pain and when up on a high dose you feel high and have tons of energy. I really the energy, although I overdid it many times and my body paid for it, but it was worth it.


BP in AZ I hope you are doing better. Why have you not been on medication? As far as lamictal, I think it is a great medication. At least it has been for me. I always recomend this site so people can so there and check out the results others have had from different medications and treatments for all kinds of illnesses. IT's called remedyfind.com. If you just type that in you will find a site where consumers like ourselves rate the effectivness, side effects, ect. on medications. BP is one of the catagories. I think Lamictal is at the top of meds. for bp.

Let us know how you are doing.

Thanks again for writing me. Your posts really helped me yesterday. I hope you all are having a good day. IT's cold here in KY. My friend is in Chicago and she said they had a blizzard there, and the temp. was 22 yesterday.

Hugs and Wellness to you both,

Judy













"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;
it is the sweet fragrance of grace."
Posted 10/13/2006 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad you got the meds straight and you sound so much better. I live in AZ and the healthcare here sucks!! The doctor I thought was a pdoc is really a NP?? I found that out yesterday after my appt with her. I was without meds because she put me on abilify and told me to go off the effexor, well I had problems with the abilify and I was without meds for 5 days and it's been H-.

Anyways, I get in there and she decides to give me Seroquel instead because I haven't been sleeping at all this past week and I mean not at all. So I asked her why are you not giving me the Lamical now and she's like I don't know I think we'll wait for that and just take this for now. Anyways, she's really something!! I ask her simple questions and she's like "I'm not sure?" so I get all my info on my drugs from the internet and this site has really saved me. Thanks for the link to remedy, I'll sure use it.

I need to find a REAL P doctor but I have to stick with her just to get my head 1/2 way right, ya know?

My husband is a loser and doesn't understand my problem at all so this (website) is a really good support system for me. All of my family is back in MN. (which is freezing today too), it's like 90 degrees here. I see a divorce in the future but I can't even worry about that because I need to concentrate on me getting better.

I took the Seroquel last night and did sleep for about 3 hrs, that was fantastic. I'll give this med a try at this point I'll take anything!!

Thanks for listening, take care!!
Posted 10/14/2006 12:27 AM (GMT 0)
sorry i missed your first post.  i've been down because of my back.  but i'm back now.

i have been taking lithium carbonate for several yrs with no real side effects.  no weight gain.  of course i'm a male.  i wonder if the weight gain is gender dependent?

i have been in a deep depression for weeks - months.  i finally saw a pdoc (my wife and i live in tx but are visiting our daughter's family in al) a few days ago and he rxed welbutrin.  i felt better after the second dose and now actually feel "normal" (whatever THAT is :-) ).

i also have copd and gerd.  a few days ago the dr exed prednizone.  high dosage at first then gradually tapering off.  i've been this route several times and have never had a problem.  were you on the drug for a prolonged period?  that could be one reason for your withdrawl.

several yrs ago i was panicking about running out of meds and my pdoc in tx told me not to worry because i had enough lithium and the other drrugs i was taling to carry me for several days.  i think drs lie. yeah

hope things have improved for you and that my experience has helped you.

warren

Posted 10/14/2006 12:52 PM (GMT 0)
So so glad you got this sorted out Judy! -- Yes, you do sound better :) -- And sounds like you prepared for and dealt with that appointment brilliantly! -- What a stupid mix-up! At least your pdoc was helpful about sorting it all out in the end though.

On the lithium front, keep going on it. It is a med that doesn't show results really fast. It takes at lest a week, and often several before you start seeing an improvement in your symptoms from this (can be up to 12 weeks before dramatic changes are noticable), but it has a very good reputation and the long-term effect is really worth holding out for. x

Tondalaya, hun, your NP really does sound like a doozie!! -- Yes, time to find a real pdoc who actually specialises in bp and know their stuff!! I have all fingers crossed for you on that! x

Warren -- so glad your back's allowed you to come back! -- Missed you!! I'm also hugely relieved that you have got something to help with the depression: I know this has been around for some time for you and this is really *good* news! :) x

Rosie x
Posted 10/14/2006 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hi BP,
Sorry you're having such a hard time with health care, and with your marriage too. That's a lot to have going on at one time. I hope the seroquel helps. A lot of people take it, but I don't have any experience with it. I do know that it is sedating, so you should get some good sleep on it. about staring the lamictal. I don't think they like to start more than one medication at a time. I hope you can get with a good pdoc. I have heard the NP are sometimes better to deal with than docs. Sorry you had a bad experience. On a personal note. I've been in an unhappy marriage, so I can identify. Try to focus on yourself and getting better. I"m glad you found this site. We're here for you.

Warren,
It was good to hear from you. Are you still n Al. visiting with your family? I wish we had some warm weather here. It was in the 30's last night here n Louisville. Good for you for coming out of the depression. I'm sure the wellbutrin had something to do with it. The trip might have helped to. I find that changing my environment t helps me to change my focus and helps me mentally. Even just a few days away at my friend's house.

about the prednisone. It's a great medication, but the side effects being on and coming off have been difficult for me. I guess everyone is different. I have been on it since April when I was diagnoised with Autoimmune Hepatitis, which is inflammation of the liver. It is not contagious. Instead of protecting me, my immune system is attacking my liver, as well as connective tissue, and skin, (Psoriatic Arthritis). I was on 40mg to start with and am down to 15 now. The prednisone worked, my liver enzymes are back to normal. Of course, the damage was already done to my liver and is irreversible because of the scarring, but this disease can be controlled if kept in remission. I hope the prednisone is getting your COPD and Gerd under control. Keep me posted as to how you do on the wellbutrin.
I'm interested in how it works with lithium. Hope the back is doing better too.



Rosie,
Thanks for the support. You're really a good moderator. You have so much insight and kindness in your posts. You must have been through so much yourself to be able to identify with so many people. I felt so relieved after my doc's appt. I think a lot of how things went had to do with my attitude and being prepared to discuss things intelligently. I am glad I have you all for support. It's wonderful to be able to write this stuff down and sort through it, get others' opinion's ect. makes it much easier to deal with..
I will give the lithium a chance. I hope it will work for me. I pee all the time on it :-( and have to stay near a bathroom lol.. We'll just have to wait and see.

Hugs to all, and..

Be Well,

Judy
Posted 10/14/2006 7:37 PM (GMT 0)
Bless you Judy for your lovely words. I love this forum. -- It's small, but perfectly-formed!! ;) -- And isn't it just growing (I've really noticed that over the last few months)!!!

I've been through so very little in fact when I look around me at many of the people who post here. There's a good number of mental health issues in my family and I have suffered from depression and anxiety for ... ooh, "rumpf" years (as long as I can remember!). But I came to this board because of my partner (now ex) who has bipolar (very, very resistant to the diagnosis meds and, very sadly for me, he to-ed and fro-ed for months and then felt he'd done too much damage and called a halt to us entirely). This board saved me and I found out as much as I could from here, websites, and books about the condition. I guess in many ways it's easier for me to accept this condition for what it is, simply a condition that *can* be treated (when you find a good doc who listens and knows his/her stuff). From where I stand, all I see are the most wonderfully strong and compassionate people coping with something that they never asked for and that can be very scary -- though I'm also a great believer that the condition goes hand-in-hand with great strength of character and talent (so many testaments to that on this board). I can *always* empathise with the depression side of bp because that is something that I have been through and that I have had to learn to watch for closely (all that adapting lifestyle and getting back to the doc...), but manias were hard to grasp at first. Then, as I say, I educated myself: all that fear that I had of them, that other "outsiders" can have -- and that I know many here have had or still have -- all of that went because its signals and characteristics (and the different signals and characteristics for different types of mania) no longer confused me (or at least *as much* lol).

Particularly because I lost a relationship that was once so wonderful to this (untreated) condition, it means everything to me to be able to help where others are coping with it. I've seen so much misunderstanding and stigma with my own condition, and seen how fear and beating myself up about it made me so much worse until I let it go and concentrated on all the things I can do to help myself be better -- and all the things I can do in general. I wouldn't change the fact that I'm a depression sufferer now: I know that the biggest gift it's given me is being able to understand when others are in pain. -- That gives it all a reason for me: mental health problems aren't going to disappear from the human race, but every time someone shows some understanding and doesn't try to block out the problem (small as each instance might be) it spreads the understanding just that bit more and we're closer to the day when the stigma will be gone (and I do believe that one day -- probably long after all of our lifetimes lol -- this will happen).

I used to feel like a bit of an imposter here because it wasn't "my illness". Now I know it's a joint fight and the more people involved the better.

Love to you all here -- sufferers and those with a loved one who suffers.

Rosie xxxxx
Posted 10/15/2006 3:35 AM (GMT 0)
hey, all!

after i fell over the dog (roscoe), my pain level was at a 9 with 10 being the worst pain in the wold.  i stayed pretty much in bed for a few days (had trouble walking (hobbeling) to the loo (bathroom).  took 2 darvocet and 2 lortab within 4 hours because of the pain and slept for about 18 hours.  not really funny.  the pain got down to about a 7 and (thankfully) has stayed there.  hard on an old body like mine.  :-)

judy, be thankful that your reason for urinating is known.  if you were me you might be concerned with prostate.  women have all the luck. tongue

the welbutrin is continuing to help the depession.  never say "my depression" because then you own the condition.  put the condition "out there" and maybe it will get tiered of pestering you and go bother someone else (maybe my ex?).

we are still in al visiting.  i need to go back to tx by nov 7 to vote.  there is one congressman i would really like to see get reelected.  he's a jerk, but the best of a bad litter.  my wife says we should give up this quaint idea of democracy and elect her dictator for life.  "off with their heads!!" :-)

rosie,

when you have put a few more yrs on you and inceased your personal experience enough to at least match your education, then maybe you won't feel quite as much of s fraud.  in the meantime, we like you like you are and wouldn't trade you for anything.  yu do a great job in a tough environment.  you are certainly appreciated.

warren

 

Posted 10/15/2006 11:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Warren,

I know that 1-10 scale well (ex is a paramedic) so I know just how bad that 9 really is -- and indeed how bad a 7 really is. I'd send you more hugs, but I reckon that's the last thing you need!! So just sending my love. Are you getting, or going to be getting (probably still to early), help with a physio?

Like your theory on putting that depression "out there"! :) I always do it the other way round: I "own" my depression because I'm not gonna have it owning me!! (I just love semantics!)

Thank you for your lovely words. x -- I wouldn't trade being here either!! :)

Rosie x

P.S. Is Roscoe in the dog house?! (Oh, c'mon, someone had to ask!!) :)
Posted 10/16/2006 6:41 AM (GMT 0)
LOL.. Rosie, I love your humor. I have an image of you in my mind. You probably don't look a thing like I imagine you though. I wish I had a picture of you.
You are our Troop Leader & Cheer Leader. And, I feel you really love us and care for us like a mama does for her little ones. . That is a secure feeling when you have the problems we have. I always know when I have a problem that you are here for me. :-) I know that puts a lot of pressure on you, but don't let it. YOU are very human, I know that, but from the very first day I wrote you encouraged me.

Warren,
Dang dog!! He must be a big dog to have hurt you like that. Are you doing any better now? Did you break anything? Are you having prostrate trouble? I sure hope not.
I am soooo glad to hear that the medication is working and you are less depressed.

I hope you enjoy your visit in Al. and get back in time to vote. UGH.. I hate politics, esp. the last few years. I won't go into that though except to say.. Bring out boys home!!!!

Be Well,

Judy
Posted 10/16/2006 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
hey all - i'm back (that was a very bad pun).  no roscoe is not in the dog house :-) he is a beagle and technicaly belongs to my youngest grandaughter.  but he lives with us when we are in al.  the other dog is half pit bull and half lab.  he is afraid of water and is a wus.  i had just put down their supper and they were doing what dogs do - pigging out.  somehow roscoe attacked his food from a different angle as i was getting to the door.  i'm the one with a big cerebrial cortex, not roscoe.  my fault.

that was a long tirade.  sorry.  no i don't have prostate problems.  that you for asking.  it's my warped sence of humor.  an aquired taste at best.

refusing to own your illness gives yo power over it.  would you pesonalize a robber, calling him/her "my robber"?  of course not.  same with illness. 

a 7 out of 10 i can just about handle.  breakthrough pain usually stays at an 8 or 9.  i can't handle that.  usually i can go into meditation and control the pain when it gets bad.  it's too bad right now for me to make it go away (hopefull to my ex devil ).  and my pain pills quit working over a month ago.  i have an apt with a pain mgt specialist.  maybe he can up the narcotic in the pain pills or find something else that will work.  i can hardly walk today, but push on.  i refuse to let the pain control my life.  or the bp.  i will never walk gently into that goodnight.  that sentence is for the literature majors (one of my many majors as an undegrad).

that's enough.  i love you all and wish you:  "may your house be safe from tigers."  having given this benediction for many yrs, i have found that it is more effective than wishing someone happiness or good health or anything like that.  i told you my sence of humor was wierd and an aquired taste.  tongue

warren

Posted 10/16/2006 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Judy, you lovely lady -- I feel remarkably little pressure being around you guys: it's all good -- and so wonderful when you see people pulling through such difficult things. Your picture of me may be a good deal better than reality! Does your picture have long mousey brown hair? -- If so, you might be on to something! Yes, I do love you all very much: I'm a kind of baby-mama hen!! :)

That's right, Warren, rage, rage against!! (lit major here!) And your good wish certainly has a strong and powerful effect: I have not seen a tiger in my flat all day! lol

Rosie x
Posted 10/16/2006 11:08 PM (GMT 0)
I'm new and never done this before. I'm bipolar, add, have arthritis, and have sleep apnia. I'm have a ruff time right now. Having a problem taking my med's.
Road Runner
Posted 10/16/2006 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Road Runner,

Welcome to HW! --- I've just started you your own thread, so that your post doesn't get lost in this thread (you'll get more responses that way :-) ).

Rosie x

Posted 10/17/2006 8:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rosie,
I posted to a young man in CO last night that is having a pretty rough time. I hope he will get some replies today. He needs support right now. He posted on the depression thread. As of now, a moderator has not written. I was wondering if you could write to him. It's "The Bigsby" thread. I would appeciate it. You might suggest he posts over here. I'm getting ready to post again to him.

Thanks,

Judy
Posted 10/17/2006 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the heads up Judy! -- I'll pop over there right now. Big hug.

Rosie x
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