Fear

kenny,

hello kenny.  welcome to healing wekk and to the bp forum. i have found this forum to be a wonderful dysfunctional family.  i hope that you do. too.

kenny, only a psychiatrist (we shorten this to pdoc)  can diagnose bp.  it is a hard illness to diagnose bacause most people with bp (like myself) are in a depressive state most of the time and present this to the dr.  the dr seldom sees the manic side,  for the reason, a diagnosis may take several sessions.

i;m sure that you're bright and intelligent (most people with bp are) but would you let a grocery clerk perform heart surgery on you?  i know that you're not a grocery clerk - and i'm not knocking them - but they simply are not trained and ediucated and experienced in the field.  kinda like you trying to diagnose yourself.  the most you can say is that you know htat something is wrong and that you believe it may be bp.  there are several great bp web sites (can't remember the addresses) that will help you get a better handle on the disease, what it is, what it's symptoms are, how it's treated, etc.  simply query bipolar disorder in your search engine.

basically, bp is a life long illness and is caused by a brain misfunction.   it is not actually a mental illness - is is a physical disease, like diabetes.  it is most commonly, and most effectively. treated with drugs and "talk therapy."  it will never go away or heal but, like diabetes, it can be effectively controlled.  but, like with diabetes, there are some cases that cannot be controlled.  i'm saying this simply for the sake of comoleteness - it's not a warning or anything.  only a very small percentage of people with bp are resistant the the therapy.

i've given you quite a mind dump.  sorry about that.  but i do hope that it is useful to you.  also nice to have another male around here.  most of the people who arite are female.

warren

The average BP suffer has had 10 other diagnoses before being properly diagnosed with bipolar. Scary, isn't it?

There are two types of bipolar, I and II. Bipolar I is the classic manic-depression that you see in the media. It is low lows and high highs, perhaps spending too much money while manic, trying suicide when depressed.

Bipolar II is different. Many, but certainly not all, suffer more significantly with depression than with mania. Mania for a BPII is hypomania (literally less than mania). Hypomania can be high flying anxiety, or decreased ability to cope with the demands of life, feeling overwhelmed and like life is out of control. So-called "normal" people also have these feelings, but for a BP they cycle with bouts of terrible depression.

BPIs will like their mania to some degree because they feel they are on top of their game and they get things done. BPIIs resent the hypomania that seems to turn their world upside down. It is my very limited experience that BPIIs usually know that something is wrong with the way they are functioning.

You can't self-diagnose these things, but if you seriously feel that you have bipolar, you can take your thoughts to a good psychiatrist who can sort them out. You can't give a doctor information you don't possess and much of their diagnosis will depend on what you say. Go carefully and don't try to pidgeon hole a diagnosis.

As for obsessive compulsive problems going hand in hand with BP, I could not tell you. OCD, like eating disorders a few other problems, come with feeling out of control and the need to regain control of one's surroundings. I think it may be more common for BP people to self-medicate with illicit substances and alcohol, rather than starvation or excessive cleaning, but you can't generalize too much. Anything is possible.

See a doctor and if they brush you off, see another. One doctor's "drug seeker" is another's compliant and interested patient.

 Hey Kenny!

Wow!  All I can say is bi-polar bites big time.  Anxiety, anger, very few truly happy moments, feeling like crap, and yes I can count 5 times in the past few weeks where I couldn't remember where I parked my car.  Helpless?  I've been feeling like my life doesn't matter for about 4 days. Make yourself call your doctor or tell someone - anyone that you feel so bad you want to end your life.  You will find someone who cares.  The people on this site care as do I and we can hold each other and rock away the fear.  The most important thing is to keep hounding your doctor/doctors if they have prescribed meds for you and they are not working.  I'm on the phone with my doc all the time.  It's scary taking medication and trusting a doctor's judgement - but sometimes the alternative is even scarier.  I personally would rather be medicated - don't get me wrong I see a therapist too.  Talking things out is important - sometimes it's easier to pop a pill but this afternoon I bit the bullet and let out some tears and some very carefully thought out words to a close family member.  Sometimes feelings are a good thing but when your are communicating them make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say.  It is very difficult for others to understand how the bi-polar mind works.  In my case I feel things so strongly almost to the point of overexaggeration.  But I'm tired of being left out.  And if you are ever feeling left out I'll be here for you.

Ailene