loosing it

Hello everyone..I've been off line for awhile just because I've been so busy but my computer has also been on the blitz.  Got it fixed now.  Boy, have I had a rough few weeks.  Been feeling on the edge of sanity and insanity, of reality and fantasy, just not functioning well at work.  Thinking of just quitting, no notice or nothing, just turning in my computer and cell phone and sayine "bye bye".  My husband says I'm not thinking rationally, well, "duh!"  My irrational moments are turning into days and I'm scared. If I do quit my job it will be financially devestating to us.  But what choice do I have if I cannot function in my job, I'll end up getting fired anyway.  I've been self medicating just to forget about the pain in my life.  Anybody got any insight???...Lazy

Thanks Smiler...yes, I am on meds...I take Geodon and my pdoc is increasing my dose.  Seems like I will do ok for a while and then I get overtired or overstressed and I just lose it like I did at work on Friday.  I don't deal with stress and fatigue the way I used to.  I have been looking for a different job but its hard to find something in nursing that isn't taxing emotionally and physically.  You are right about a proper way to leave a job.  But I feel so unstable right now, I don't feel like I can trust myself to do the right thing.  I'm thinking of taking tomorrow off and seeing my pdoc. I'm sure he will give me an excuse to be off work for a few more days and that possibly will be good for me.  It just helps to talk all this out so thanks for listening...Lazy

I think it is Weight Watchers that says to stay on the diet, don't let yourself get too tired, too hungry or too lonely. That is actually fairly good advice for life. I wonder if you are physically ill with something totally unrelated to bipolar...just airing a thought of mine. It is entirely too easy to dismiss every problem as a bipolar one, when actually something else might be at work here. Get a physical with some blood work and see if anything else becomes apparent, seriously.

It could be time to look at other meds too. I know, I am a counseling student and I think the world needs therapy, but it might be time for that too. I know what counseling CAN do with a good therapist and what I gained from the experience I would wish for everyone. It changed how I deal with stress, my outlook and my ability to take of myself physically, as well as emotionally. Like I said, this is my one wish for everyone.

Keep us posted and how you are feeling better as you read this.

Hi Lazy,

It really sounds like you are going through a rough go of it.  I wish I had an insight but I can tell you that this will not last forever.  It will pass and things will get better.  I used to self medicate but it always sent me on a downward spiral.  Please know that I am here and thinking of you.