What do I do...

Hello,
I'm 14 years old and a freshman in high school.
My dad has bipolar disorder. I stopped talking to him exactly a year ago, which was about a year after he and my mom split up. It was a pretty hard thing on all of us, but it was for the better. I was about 12 at the time. I'd go to my dad's house every other weekend and spend the night, but then I just stopped talking to him. He told me he considered sueing the evaluater lady for slander when she reccomended I don't spend the night at his house just recently. And now I have to go to therapy with him every other weekend. When he calls my house to talk to my siblings...I just pick the phone up and hang it up.
And I hate therapy with him. And I make a huge deal about how stupid therapy is in front of the therapist. And now when I think i actally need it...I can't admit it to my mom or anything.

Recently my best friend told me that I was stupid and that she didn't have time to be friends with me because she was busy writing plays. THen she told me that she hoped I marry an unemployed man so I would better understand worth ethics. Since then I've been miserable. And its been months. I get frequent breakdowns and sometimes they have nothing to do with her. I just cry myself to sleep and never let anyone know that I was crying.
And then my other best friend told me he just figured out that he was "drawn" to my ex-best friend...and that no matter what he was always going to be friends with her. And that he was just going to be "neutral," I told him that I couldn't be friends with him, and he ended the convo with "**** you."

I am once again crying but no one knows. I'm too scared to tell anyone. I've brought it up with my newest ex-best friend a couple of times before but its just too werid for me to talk about it with them because they see me in a different way. I don't feel like any of my friends reallyknew. me. Do I have problems with forgiveness or no? i think i was reasonable but I'd like an unbiased opinion.


I think I'm bipolar. Partly because of the breakdowns, but I also have trouble sleeping alot and I get stressed easily. I get major throbbing headaches alot, and I don't know what I get stressed over. I told my mom about the headaches, and she sent me to the doctor. And in front of the pediatrician I started hysterically crying about my life. She said it was stress and that she was stressed out just talking to me. And I didn't even tell her about my friends I just told her about my dad

I admit that I don't worry about school, so what could it be? I don't know, especially under my circumstaces, if its depresson or bipolar disease. And if I am bipolar how do I tell my mom. Would my friends think I was self-centered if i told them. Would they think I was making it up, since I never act mopey around them?


(PS. if you think this topic belongs in the "depression" thread, my apologies. I couldn't decide where to post)

I am not trying to talk down to you, so please don't take it this way. You are 14 and that year from 14 to 15 has to be about the worse time in the whole of life. I have now seen 4 of my 6 kids through this time. I know it was not easy for me, but it had to be 10 times worse for them. It is a time of rapid physical growth coupled with a sudden greater awareness of the world around kids that age. It is a confusing and unsettling period of time. When you are in it, people can tell you, this too, shall pass, but you know what? It feels like FOREVER.

You could see a psychiatrist. I don't think you are bipolar, I think you have a lot of stress. It is NOT easy going through a parental divorce, not even at 30 when my parents did it and it has to be harder for you because this is such a trying time without outside problems.

I think I am reading that you are female? Dads and daughters have pretty complicated relationships. For better or worse, a lot of girls draw their self-esteem more from their dads than the moms. If he doesn't think highly of you and if he doesn't say so, it really, really hurts.

I am sort of upset with your mom for saying it stresses her out just to talk to you. Of course, she has her own stuff right now. It sounds like you are alone without mom AND dad and at a really hard time for you. Yes, a therapist could be really handy, but alone, not with your dad. You need someone to be there for YOU and YOU alone. You need an impartial person to help you wind your way through this mess and make sense of it for yourself. Being in therapy with another adult, a parent, is problematic and I don't care WHO the therapist is, they will naturally tend to favor the adult in the situation, it is human nature. Goodness, family therapists are TRAINED to put more emphasis on the adults in a family and on getting the children to change, not the other way around.

Just keep us posted. We don't have a lot of younger folks, but some of us have kids around your age and we care about them, we can extend what we know to you. Hang in there. This WILL pass, but it is going to seem long and difficult. Everyone who is an adult has been 14 and if we have forgotten how difficult it is, shame on us! My heart goes out to you.

Because your dad has bipolar disorder, the rate is much higher for you to have it because BP tends to be genetic. But, if you do not have pronounced symptoms of extreme highs and lows( and because you're a teen like me, probably VERY rapid extremes lol ) you probably do not have bipolar disorder. But, only a psychiatrist or a mental health doctor can diagnose you with anything, so in other words, my word is nothing lol.

I am 16 and have bipolar disorder. As I do not know about having parents that have split up and having a less-than-perfect relationship with your dad, I do understand all the ups and downs of adolescents. With high school and all that crap, it's hard and very stressful.

Depression is something VERY common in teenagers and it looks like you may just be depressed. Totally normal. If it feels like it could be too much--- if you feel very hopeless, have feelings of helplessness, and you just "want to die", those could be bad signs. You never want to get to the point where you have thoughts of hurting yourself.

My opinion is to hang in there! Life will always get better. Come on here and let us know how you are doing. We can always help you.

-Allie

Hey sorry I haven't been back in a while.
I've established that I don't have bipolar disorder. (we learned about it in school) I'm just depressed.
At my regular every other weekend therapy with my dad, the therapist and him talk about how much easier things would be if my mom talked to my dad. My mom hates him and has every right to considering he lived in the house for months after the separation and took most of her money. and then slept with other women while he was living in the house. and talks about what a horibble mother she is in front of me. (in different words but that's what he implies). I hate hearing them say bad things about each other even If they're both bad at handling this. My dad took a lot of my mom's money and goes to the lawyers about the most random things to torture us. My mom is intimidated by him and defends herself but doesn't stand up for herself.
I think that's mainly why I'm sad. But things aren't really good at school either. My GPA has gone up from a 3.4 the first semester to a 3.75 this quarter which is good for me, but the social situation isn't good. I have one good freind who always talks about her other best friends outside of school and has other friends in school too, but that's it. Whenever I eat lunch with other people they give each other looks as if they are saying "what the heck is she doing here." So i usually either throw my lunch out and go to the library or eat my lunch on the way up to the library and throw it out there.
I don't know why people don't accept me. I don't think I'm a terribly ugly person. I'm friendly with everyone.
The therapist with my dad claims that she "senses my depression by my body language in therapy." whatever that means...
For years i made a huge point about how I hated therapy soo much. Going everyother weekend is also very inconvenient since I have so many extra-curricular activites. I'm not against therapy anymore. I think it would be good, but I'm ashamed of it. I couldn't deal with myself and be the girl who is so screwed up that she's seeing a therapist.
I'm scared that if I start venting to my closest friend outside of school he's feel akward. He'd still talk to me but I don't want to be self-centered.
All I want to do right now is runaway. i mean ... I'm not going to but I just want to move. I mean if my mom and my brother and sister and I could all just go to new york or something and get away from this new school, my dad, and eveyrthing I think I'd be happier.
The headaches have gotten better but my sleeping patters are screwed up. I go to bed at 2 and 3 am most school nights from either studying or just not being able to sleep even when I get in bed at like 11pm.
I really dont know what to do with myself. Should I tell my best friend (outside of school) more about my problems? After all...he goes to therapy every week because he has depression (he doesn't like to talk about it and is always cheerful around me).
uuughh
anyhow thanks for being here i really appreacite everyone being here for me.