Am I Bipolar?

I posted this to an online doctor and the panic disorder forum, and was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts or knowledge about this kind of thing?

I am currently 22 years old and have been suffering with panic disorder/agoraphobia for just over 2 full years now. My biggest fear has pretty much been of being bipolar. I saw my GP about a year ago and he mentioned something about me showing bipolar tendencies (I was having a panic attack at the time, and my partner said I misunderstood). Anyhow, naturally I saw my psychiatrist following that visit and asked him about the possibility of me being bipolar, he asked a few questions and decided I wasn't showing any symptoms whatsoever and told me not to worry about it. I had a nurse tell me the same thing. I realize that people with panic disorder have an awful, awful habit of obsessing about physical or mental illnesses, yet I still can't seem to trust that there is nothing else wrong with me aside from my much debilitating panic disorder. I seem to worry about it most when I cannot sleep. I have been experiencing some extremely restless nights filled with anxiety, hyper arousal/ hyper vigilance, and some irritability. I seem to get shaken up by the noises around me and find myself being so aware of external stimuli that it makes me feel like I am close to paranoid. Anyhow, after about 4 hours of these symptoms in bed, I sometimes take an ativan and it helps me out for the most part. I’m never completely rested after such nights, and my energy level doesn’t seem to be any different than the day before. I guess I was just wondering if not being able to sleep is a clear cut sign of mania? Especially if followed by some irritability and major anxiety? If not, could I be experiencing nocturnal panic/anxiety that can also cause some of these other symptoms? I cannot say for certain that I have ever yet been manic, but there was one month in particular that I have been worried about. Things weren't going too well in my relationship, and so I turned for comfort from someone else. My sleeping patterns were extremely volatile for about a week or so there, as I was completely consumed by this new person in my life and by the chance at a happier life. Soon afterwards, I found myself getting agitated with the entire situation between my partner and this other man I was speaking to online/ on the phone. Let me also add that I thought I was in love and felt a bit more sexual at times as well. I felt pretty high in my head (maybe from exhaustion), but for the most part just confused, sad and vulnerable. I had moments of impulsiveness where I was about to leave my relationship of 4 years and move to be with this other man. It never came to that, but sometimes I wonder if situation like this could be a sign of mania/mixed episode? I hurt my partner emotionally during that time, and although he said I wasn't acting quite like myself- he stands firmly on the fact that I was, by no means, bipolar. To be completely honest, I don't even remember much of the details from that month and I think that scares me a little too. Apparently I was complaining of exhaustion the entire time that I was receiving inadequate sleep. I was just wondering if you think this is me over analyzing the entire situation because of my fear of bipolar disorder, or if you think I may be, in fact, suffering from the disorder? I'm sorry for having written so much but between my worries about that month a year ago and my current problems with sleeping- I am feeling extremely panicked about my welfare. Please let me know what you think. Thank you so very kindly.

Hi Maybe and Magaroo,

I am new to this forum and bipolar.  After seeing two different doctors and using a mood chart and writing down daily everything I feel, I have been told I am bipolar 2.  I can relate to Magaroo, I feel as if you just told my life story.  I've had so many ups and downs that mu husband of 6 years doesn't know what person he is going to meet evch day.  I never wanted to go to a doctor, but he talked me into it.  It was hard to be 100% truthful on every way that I have messed up my life, but right away I trusted my second doctor.  Maybe you need to find people that you can trust with every thought and feeling.  It is hard, but after a couple months of being on zoloft, lamictal, and xanax on the really hard days I feel more level.  I still have the ups and downs, but it is a little easier to go through everyday.  I hope you can find the answers you need and get the right help.

Hey. To Magroo - if you have not been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder,but you fear you might have it - what is it that you fear? If the doctor said to you 'We've mointored your behaviour and you have bipolar' would it effect your behaviour? If you label yourself bipolar,then you're going to notice bipolar type symptoms. When i go outside i try to look for people who wear the same colour of football top as myself for the team i support and i usually notice them before most people 'cause it's what i'm looking for. If your looking for bipolar symptoms in yourself,you'll no doubt notice even the slightest things that might verge on diagnosis. But once you have the label it starts to dictate your life, if you just settle for having panic disorder and keep trying to beat that then you should make some progress and if the doctor ever says 'you have bipolar disorder' remember it's only a name,it's nothing to be feared of, you either have it or you don't,and i hope you don't.

maybe?? i don't think converting to buddahism is anything abnormal,loads of people go through life hunting for a religion that suits them,there is no specific genre or people who try these things,maybe something else was missing from your life and you thought about religion for a need to understand something you couldn't quite get your head around? I also get that twitch energy which is more agitation than anything else, maybe if you done some exercise during the day or something to use some of it up? I always feel hypocritical giving advice or commenting as if i know what i'm talking about,because i'm not doing too good myself,so the advice i give is never going to be the wisest,but even more hypocritical cause i don't do a lot of the things the advice tells me to.

I've only posted about 4 posts and already people are disagreeing with me Yeah i understand what your saying,but for me it's easy to give up on things you CAN control and blame it on one of the labels. Like things that might have nothing to do with your bipolar,but you say 'well thre's not much i can do about that' without really putting the effort in to understand it. Does that make sense? I've thought i was weaker than everyone else too before,i couldn't understand how other people coped and i still don't understand what they think about or what we do differently. If you say 'it's the BP not me' - the BP is you, it's just part of you it's not a seperate thing,don't you think? It's just how your mood effects you,if you give it a seperate power in itself then your letting it win. I try to give it as little power ovr myself as i can, but obviously it's imposible to do.

I don't know i don't know. We all have different ways of dealing with it i guess. I don't mean to be argumentitive,i am just trying to aticulate how i try to cope, but i don't cope so good so maybe i should take in what your saying and see if it has more benefit for me. Your right though, the most important thing is knowing other people suffer the same way,bipolar makes you feel very much alone until you realise you have friends. The more time you take out for friends the easier your own problems become too :)

Here I go again.....


Well I do know one thing... I have panic disorder. My GP once said I might be showing some bipolar tendencies, but my psychiatrist and nurse told me I had nothing to worry about in that field. After reading some of the posts here tonight, I began to panic. A year ago I almost left my relationship of 5 years to be with someone else. I did not exactly seek this out, but I did get involved in it over the internet. My b/f and I were pretty much living in the same house, but not in the same world. We weren't doing too well in our relationship and I felt lonely, vulnerable and sad because of it for quite some time. Anyhow, I had this online relationship going for about a month on/off and it was really hurting the people around me, sometimes I was so consumed by this new person in my life that I was almost apathetic to those around me. Other times, when away from the computer, I cared for them deeply. For months after this incident I worried maybe I was being bipolar (manic) although I was more distraught than happy during that time. I realize that I have been absolutely obsessive about going crazy or having a mental disorder such as bipolar for over a year now... This obsession has caused me much grief, panic, and sleepless nights. My b/f says that although I was acting quite out of character that month, I did not seem to portray bipolar behavior at all. Now here is why I am worried..... I began treatment for hep c about a week ago and I have been under SO much stress. I haven't been getting out of the house-or from my couch at ALL really. I have been stuck in my head, anxiety and panic-ridden for the majority of my days now. Anyhow, my b/f and I have been fighting almost every night for the past 5 nights now (and last year’s incident happened around the same time). The thing is, I sometimes blame him for my situation with the OCD and panic disorder (because ever since we've been together, it has been changing me to no end). I love him entirely, but I just get so upset with him sometimes, and I have spoken of leaving almost every night for the past 5 nights during these fights as well, he has mentioned me moving out as well. Now, what I am trying to figure out is: Am I just over stressed, depressed and convincing myself I am going crazy? Am I making myself so helpless to the point that I threaten leaving because he says he just doesn't care at all anymore? Or could this be bipolar behavior? He doesn't even care enough to take me to the hospital tonight, as he says I am just being obsessive. Okay, perhaps there is truth to that but I am bawling my eyes from sheer terror here. I need to understand if this is normal human behavior to want to leave your spouse when they are being distant, insensitive and hostile- or is it me possibly being bipolar? I guess the real question is: Is he being like this because of me being bipolar or because I have made myself feel crazy by this point? I don't know. I'm so scared. If I found out I was ok, I would probably consider leaving because he has been SO unkind and SO mean for quite some time now. If I found out I was bipolar, well, I guess we could talk- I could apologize, and hopefully he would be more sincere when I need him. Ok---now onto another question. How on earth do I ever know for sure if I am being misdiagnosed or not about being bipolar (if that were the case)? And does medication help a LOT, or will this disorder ruin my life (if I was told I suffered from it)?? Thank you so much. So sorry for the long post (I don't know, maybe even that makes me manic) but I just needed to vent and ask some questions for once and for all. Thank you very kindly. I also want to add that by no means do I feel God-like, happy, or have lots of energy atm. If anything I am the COMPLETE opposite. Well, I do feel 'high' in my head- but I think that is very much stress induced. Thanks again.