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I NEED SOME ADVICE AND QUICK!

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 2/18/2007 6:54 AM (GMT 0)
I am a very concerned husband that I am about to lose my wife.  She was diagnosed with BP in 2002 while spending a brief time at a mental hospital.  We have been in and out of eachother's lives since we have been together (5 years).  It seems as if things happen about the same time of year, right before the holidays and right before tax time.  Our anniversary is in March and we generally do not exchange gifts because we are not together.  This last time she told me to leave (a couple of weeks ago) she is even more reluctant to speak to me and when she does it is very mean, a lot of cursing.  She is currently on lexapro and it does not seem to work.  Before lexapro it was zoloft and prozac. I want to work things out but she will not even let me near the house and refuses to see me.  Should I give her some time to "cool off?"  I am afraid she is going to file for divorce, she is waiting on getting some money from income tax so she can.  I know deep down she loves me but right now she says that I am the worst marriage she has had (I am #4).  What do I do?  Give her time or let her go?  I am willing to fight for this marriage, I love her with everythng that I have and my vows ment something to me.  I look forward to a response.
Posted 2/18/2007 1:16 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know if anyone is qualified enough to answer your problems. But I can say, being a BP wife, that my husband is my rock. If not for him, I don't know what would happen to me. Sometimes I don't want him, or the situation, because in my mind I am so miserable that I think getting rid of my surroundings will fix me. You just have to do what's in your heart. Sometimes a good fight, even if you lose, won't hurt as bad as no fight at all.

Peg

Posted 2/19/2007 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
thanks for the reply. I have been fighting and most of the time I win. I am afraid this time is the last time. We have never gone two weeks without seeing one another since we have been together the last five years. Usually I can get her to come to terms and at least let me see her to talk. She doesn't even call me on the phone when I leave her a message asking her to. I think it is over, I am not ready to quit but she is.

David
Posted 2/19/2007 9:58 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there David , I'd just like to welcome you to Healing Well :-)

I'm glad you've found us , I'm sorry it's not under better circumstances.

I hope things work out for the best.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 2/19/2007 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
hey david.

my wife was in your situation with me ove ten yrs ago.  i'm not sure, but i would bet my bottom bippie (if any of you are old enough to remember rowan and martin's "laugh in" - where goldie hawn got her start - if you're old enough to remeber her :-) ) that your wife's behavour is a symptom of her bp.  i am basing this entirely on my wife and my experience.  i have also read that any unusual (not "normal" for the individual) is a symptom.

if i were you i would make an appointment with your wife's pdoc and explain the situation to the pdoc.  tell him/her what you have told us.  i would suspect that the problem is in your wife's meds.  prozac, from what i understand, is not usually rxed for bp.  it sounds like your wife needs a mood stabelizer rather than - or in addition to - an anti-depressant.

hope this helps.  stay in touch.

warren

Posted 2/19/2007 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
The first thing that comes to mind is, WHY IS SHE TAKING AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT FOR BP? Many times an anti-depression pill can work, but if she has been on three and they have not been successful, hasn't her doctor prescribed her with any actual Bipolar disorder medications? And very very very few are used alone; most anti-depressants with BP patients are used with usually mood stabilizers. Anti-depressants alone with people with BP can really do some damage on her mind (not critically speaking, of course). Talk to her doctor IMMEDIATELY if you are able to do so. I am no doctor, but the sounds of it is that her anti-depressant drugs that are being used alone are causing her some trouble.
Posted 2/20/2007 10:28 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you all for the advice.  She is not going to a Pdoc because very few people know about her time  spent in a mental home.  She is worried about losing her job. She has been going to a general doc that does not even know she had been diagnosed with bp.  I talked to her last night and she has so much anger built up inside I believe this is a lost cause.  I am going to stop calling her completely, if she needs me she will call.  It hurts too bad to continue to call and not get one nice word from her.  If I suggested her to go see a pdoc she will probably hang up the phone on me and not speak to me again.  She doesn't think it has anything to do with her diagnosis, and she doesn't believe she has it.  I will continue to access this website and give others advice if I can.  Thanks again for the help and support.

David

Posted 2/20/2007 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
SHE HAS TO GET TO A PSYCHIATRIST. For a GP to treat bipolar is unethical, they are out of their depth. Bipolar II diagnosis comes with a host of drugs of its own. Typical SSRIs like the ones she had tried are CONTRAINDICATED and can be dangerous. You don't have to ask me how I know, I have lived it, but just barely lived through it.

There is a lot more than bipolar at work here. The correct medication(s) would not fix everything that is going on. The fact that you are #4 for her tells me a lot about her. Go and look up Borderline Personality Disorder on the web.

If you continue in this marriage, you will continue to go through what you are going through with her now. It is not going to get better or change, because it is clear that she does not wish for things to change or get better. You have to look hard at yourself and ask why on earth you need this in your life. The way she is treating you, the things she is tellingyou, they are abusive. She is abusing you.

I have a friend who is also holding onto a "relationship" where her partner is like yours...abusive, blaming, shaming, finger pointing, etc. She tells me endlessly how much she loves him, and how much she knows he loves her. Where? How? Where is the evidence? WHAT makes her think that a constant borage of how worthless she is, how stupid she is, how greedy she is, how lazy she is, how she won't do what he tells her...where in that is there love? I'd ask you the same thing.

Love is gentle. Love is kind. Love is supportive. Love is not abusive. Love doesn't tell you, you are worthless. Love doesn't think you are stupid. Love is not an excuse to blame, shame or demean others.

Just what are you hanging onto? If you can't answer that, find a therapist for you and don't tell her you are seeing anyone because if you do, she'll make you suffer for it. You need some support for you.
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