I'm new too and I know how you feel about
the medicine. The Lamictal made me feel awful also -- and made my hair fall out. Have you thought of alternative coping methods? Cognative Behavorial Therapy, Nutrition, Exercise, Light Therapy, Medicine, etc? That's where I'm heading. That and maybe very low doses of meds I can tolerate - if there are such things. Anyway, you have my empathy about
the meds. :)
Chameleon
PS Have you read The BiPolar Advantage? Good book. :) I'm also working through something called the BiPolar Workbook, which employs cognative behavorial methods.